No exceptions!!

From Jesus' General:

The Most Reverend John M. Smith, Bishop of Trenton

Dear Bishop Smith,

I've been an admirer of your work ever since you announced that pro-abortion politicians cannot receive communion. It's good to see that there are still a few Bishops out there who have the balls to stand beside Our Leader in this election season.

My faith in your leadership was confirmed again the other day when I learned that you had revoked a little girl's first communion because she partook of a wheat-free host. It does not matter that a normal wafer might have killed her. She'd have met our Lord in Heaven. Now, thanks to you, she faces an eternity in Hell unless she chooses the death and resurrection embodied in the wheat-based host.Sure, some might argue that it was the act that is important--not the Church law governing the constituents of the wafer--but they are ignoring the most important issue, transubstantiation.

Wheat was the grain that built the Church, and by extension, Western Culture. It was no accident. Our Lord commanded it to be so. Therefore, it would be heretical to use any other grain in the wafer. Indeed, other grains might corrupt our Savior's flesh as the host undergoes transubstantiation. A rice or corn based wafer might even result in worshipers eating the flesh of Buddha or Wankantanka, thereby releasing Hell's legions of demons to feast upon our souls in an orgy of apocalyptic destruction.

You're all that is standing between us and those demons. Thank you for
being strong.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot.

You think the Baptists are the only ones who are 'out there'? The Catholics can be just as fucked up.