Frances, do yo' stuff

We don't want anybody to be hurt by this storm, of course, and our kindest thoughts go out to those who have been displaced and traumatized by her (including the nutjob reporters who stand out in the rain to bring us raindrop-by-raindrop reports) but, having said that, this could be our big chance:

If Frances rips Florida loose from her moorings, like yacht owners who don't want to make the payments anymore but could sure use the insurance check are doing, and since almost everybody has already been evacuated, we see the best chance ever to promote reunification of Americans and maybe cleaner government as well.

Once Florida has been declared a hazard to navigation, the U.S.Navy should, at once, tow her out to sea and sink her with gunfire.

Think of the benefits:

Drunken sea captains heading for Mobile will no longer have to one-eye it through the Straits of Florida.

Future hurricanes will no longer be bottled up in the Gulf of Mexico (See: Galveston, 1900).

It'll be too far for Cubans to row to the U.S. in old pick-ups.

Retirees will relocate to other warm states, like South Carolina, where they can still enjoy hurricanes, but can put their double-wides above sea level. Their Social Security money will be more evenly dispersed throughout the economy, and jobs will be created.

Absentee ballots from Floridians will just float around in the Atlantic and will pose no danger to the rest of us. Ballot counts will become more accurate.

JEB can go be governor of Wyoming. That's where Cheney's from, and all the oil and gas rigs will become a tourist attraction. Disney will do something with this.

There will be two less senators and electoral votes will need to be shifted. Minor details that can be worked out next week.

See: It's win-win.

Note: My bride has just come in and told me that one of Florida's power plants is submerged. Maybe it's getting ready to launch torpedoes. We can only hope.