Because most of the fighting now being done requires far less marching than was once needed, it is only reasonable to propose that perhaps we have arrived at a time in the history of human struggle when the old people can do the fighting.
This guy has never been in the service. It ain't the marching that hurts. It's the running and the hills with a full load. Even at eighteen, I loved those fuckin' Camp Pendleton hills, and they loved fuckin' me! I see his point though: march long enough, you'll get to a hill and have to run up it.
Tapping that pool of warriors should be easy. Aging males are easily the most gung-ho of all warriors.
From Rush Limbaugh and Karl Rove right on down to the guys who write letters to the editors of the nation's newspapers, the fiercest warriors are men over 50, men with expanding waistlines and receding hairlines who would tear the enemy a new one if only they could get up off the sofa in less than three tries.
Besides, many of these older men work out regularly and eat sensibly. The popular wisdom now has it that 60 is the new 40, and 40 is surely young enough to serve in the military.
Guys like Rep. Tom DeLay, for instance, look to be in fine shape and would make good soldiers, I'm sure.
Tom DeLay and me in the same fire team? Sign my aging white ass up! D'ya think they'd notice if the Squad Automatic Weapon bullet holes in him were in the shape of my initials? That there's two belts worth?
So, because these males are really, really angry, why not give them an outlet for all that anger, and soon, while they can still see to fire their weapons?
Yet another social benefit of my proposal is to be found in the potential for saving vast sums of money that would otherwise go toward health care for these aging males.
This is sounding like win-win!
An additional advantage to my proposal is that it would get these men out of the house. As it is, far too many of them, especially those who have retired early, are annoying their wives, are constantly underfoot and are often in the way.
Mrs. G says it's win-win too! She's so supportive.
As an aging man myself, I would readily join the ranks of the aging army, but I think my skills are more valuable here at home, thinking up ideas for victory like the aforementioned proposal.
I think that's the whole problem with war. Old men get pissed off and send young men to fight the stupid wars they start. Maybe if the old farts had to go fight 'em, they'd wise up.
Anyway, go read the whole thing. It's a hoot!
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