White House Dog Barney Resigns

"I'm not going down with this administration," Barney told press at a news conference on the front lawns of the White House at 11am EST today.

Barney, pictured left, told press, "the writing is on the wall. No way in the world am I going to become Dick Cheney's dog."

Meanwhile, Barney intends to devote himself to his favorite pastimes, which include rolling in fæces, licking his genitals and chewing on dead birds.

"The White House is a bit too loathsome for a dog like me," he told press, explaining his need to distance himself from politics.

"Last time I went hunting with Dick Cheney, he needed to lock himself away from the press for twenty-four hours while he sobered up. So you see, I have no plans at this stage on becoming his dog."

The vice-president, responding to Barney's remarks, told press: "F%#*ing dog $#%$ !#@! if he comes near me I'll *$#! shoot him, or my name isn't @%*! Cheney."

Barney used the press conference to promote his forthcoming autobiography, Bait and Switch: Peril on the White House Lawn.

From Brainsnap.