Return to Sender

CAIRO (The Borowitz Report) June 21, 2012 – Just days after they savored their chance to vote in their first-ever democratic election, Egyptians awoke today to the brutal realization that their long-awaited democracy had been imported from Florida.

"When the United States started exporting democracy to the Middle East, we were naturally very excited," said University of Cairo political science professor Amgad Nasrallah. "I guess we should have checked to see exactly which part of the United States our democracy was exported from."

Dr. Nasrallah said that when the voting in Egypt was over and no clear winner was declared, "I began to fear the worst: that our democracy had come from Florida."

"Both sides started claiming victory, and then the government said it wasn't ready to announce a final result," he said. "If we find out that this thing is going to the Supreme Court, to borrow an American phrase, we're fucked."

In Cairo today, protesters filled Tahrir Square, demanding that Egypt's new democracy be returned to sender.

But in Florida, Governor Rick Scott requested that the Coast Guard create a naval blockade around the state to prevent the Egyptians from returning its democracy to its place of origin.

"We exported democracy to Egypt because we wanted less of it in Florida, not more," Gov. Scott. "I'll be damned if we're going to take democracy back. Not on my watch. Not on my watch."

CLEARLY LABELLED SATIRE.