You Know You're a Tea Bagger If...

The Ostroy Report

1. You hate science and the corrupt scientists who manufacture data in nefarious schemes
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3. You think there are hundreds of Nobel Peace Prize-winning scientists who believe in Intelligent Design
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17. You think governors who advocate their state's secession from the Union would make great presidents of the United States.
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22. You love America but scowl when your opponents exercise the very Democratic principles which make it great, like free speech; separation of church and state; a free and open press; freedom of religion; checks and balances; freedom from persecution; and civil rights for all

23. And most of all, unlike your founding Tea Party brethren 238 years ago, you think "No taxation without representation" really just means "No taxation."

Also see:

He's ba-ack...

2. Who the fuck cares what kind of backwards ass country shitkicker stuff Rick Perry says? He's a dumbass hick from the barren wastelands of west Texas. Of course he's gonna say stupid shit. It's what he's hardwired to do. And because we've fetishized dumbass hicks in this country as having some kind of wisdom, people lap it up like dogs on cat turds. No, he's an idiot. He needs to be treated like an idiot. And anyone who supports him needs to be dunce-capped and beaten in the streets.

3. Who the fuck cares about demented, uber-Christian, Jesus ball-licking Michele Bachmann? Just...who the fuck cares?

The entire Republican nomination has already devolved into bullshit like who hates evolution and who wants to take health care away from old people, who loves Jesus and who really, really loves Jesus. The whole degrading affair is less an absurd circus than a version of "The Aristocrats" that ends up with all of us covered in blood and piss.

Could we just get to the Mitt Romney nomination already?

For good or ill, that last line is not quite as cut and dried as it seemed a few days ago. Perry. Huntsman. We will see.