This just in...

Start the week with the Ironic Times:

Only 10 in 34,000 State Dept. Employees Fluent in Arabic
And eight of them work in the cafeteria.

Control of Six Major U.S. Ports
Sold to United Arab EmiratesCompany for $6.8 Billion
Cuts out the middleman in event of terrorist attack.

Proves you actually can make this shit up! If you have enought reality to work with...