Bad Sex Writing

Fixer did a post on porn today. My 2¢ is that I'd rather read than watch. Gives yer imagination a chance to work and yer other hand something to do.

I didn't know they gave awards for bad sex writing, but they do:

Sometime nominee Ian McEwan, one of Britain’s greatest novelists, once graciously described the Bad Sex Awards as the prize every writer longs to win. He has yet to join the ranks of John Updike, Norman Mailer, and Tom Wolfe, all of whom, in the awards’ 17 years, have been judged to have inflicted on readers the worst piece of erotic writing of the year. Every year the Literary Review compiles a short list of offending new fiction, with debut novelists as vulnerable as big stars.

The awards, held at the In and Out Club in St. James, a conservative, members-only London club chosen purely for the bad-joke value of its name, are conducted in a Carry-On-Up-the-Literati spirit, which means that I can only describe myself as a Bad Sex Awards virgin. On a freezing night, while publishers are cutting back on lavish launches, here the Champagne flowed freely, and around 200 people were squashed into the usually sedate venue. Novelist Howard Jacobsen and historian Andrew Roberts, alongside just about every literary editor in London, all listened intently as the nominated passages were read aloud. This is the circus of smut and schadenfreude that is the Bad Sex Awards.

Mmmmmm...smut and schadenfreude. In a room full of people. Sounds like a dream night out to me.

Go read. Enjoy.

Did Asians Scare Palin Out of Hawaii?

The Daily Beast

The Palin story of the day seems to be her semi-endorsment of the birther movement, but there's another question now being asked: Why did Sarah Palin leave Hawaii after one semester when she was an 18-year-old student? The New Republic draws attention to a startling passage from Sam Tanenhaus’s recent New Yorker review of Palin’s book: In Going Rogue, Palin says “Hawaii was a little too perfect. Perpetual sunshine isn’t necessarily conducive to serious academics for eighteen-year-old Alaska girls.” But Tanenhaus then flags another passage from Scott Conroy’s and Shushannah Walshe’s biography of Palin, in which Palin’s own father says she left because she was uncomfortable around Asians and Pacific Islanders: “They were a minority type thing,” her father says, “and it wasn’t glamorous, so she came home.”

Read it at The New Republic.

Good grief.

American Airlines Hauls Some Serious Ass

MSNBC passes along this picture of a slightly awkward situation on an American Airlines flight.

It was 'awkward' all right:

"[...] Seems the guy paid for only one seat and the gate staff let him board."

I think the stews oughta move him a little to the left so he's in the center of the plane. Trim tabs can only do so much.

"Cobra's Anger"

At first, I thought "Cobra's Anger" was a reference to my health insurance premium which is going up in January in time to thwart any cost-lowering legislation, damn their eyes, but it's the name of a new Marine op in Effedupistan.

KABUL — U.S. Marines and Afghan troops on Friday launched the first offensive since President Barack Obama announced an American troop surge, striking against Taliban communications and supply lines in a southern insurgent stronghold, a military spokesman said.

Hundreds of troops from the 3rd Battalion, 4th Marines and the Marine reconnaissance unit Task Force Raider were dropped by helicopter and MV-22 Osprey aircraft behind Taliban lines in the northern end of the Now Zad Valley of Helmand province, scene of heavy fighting last summer, according to Marine spokesman Maj. William Pelletier.

A U.S. military official in Washington said it was the first use of Ospreys, aircrafts that combine features of helicopters and fixed wing aircraft, in an offensive involving units larger than platoons.

In my day, we came off those goddam flat-bottomed Mike boats* ready to fight. ANYTHING was better than throwing up and getting thrown up on in those bobbing little vessels of the devil. Pretty good psychology on the part of the Marine Corps, really. It worked great from Guadalcanal to Inchon and beyond. The Corps never lost a fight if it woulda meant getting back on those things. Heh.

It almost woulda been a relief if the damn things had sunk. Most of us could swim.

Things have been amped up in our fast paced modern world, but as good as they are, Marines can't fly. I can only imagine that today's young Jarheads are so thankful to get outta those Ospreys alive that they're ready to assault Hell with a bucket of water. The fuckin' Tallyban directly in front of 'em don't stand a snowball's chance. Heh.

Get some, three-four!

*Actually they were 'Papa' or 'Peter' boats due to the 'P' in LCVP. LCM's were 'Mike boats'. Too much for simple minds to remember so we called 'em all Mike boats, or maybe it was because the word 'Peter' made us giggle and the brass thought a boatload of giggling Marines wasn't quite the image they wanted in case we landed on a beach with photographers. Wasn't all that much difference between 'em anyway.

Dick Cheney’s Steno Pool

Mad Kane

Somebody please explain why the garbage and lies spewed by Richard Cheney are routinely treated like they’re gospel. Dick makes George W. Bush look like a statesman, for heaven sakes. And yet media outlets (read this one! - G) love to present the former Veep’s vicious distortions and malicious rants virtually without challenge.

The latest example is Politico’s regurgitation of Cheney’s lengthy tirade against President Obama. A tirade, I might add, made on the eve of Obama’s Afghanistan troop buildup speech at West Point.

Politico deserves a double limerick, don’t you think?

Dick Cheney’s Steno Pool (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Politico, kindly explain
Why you act like Dick Cheney is sane.
You repeat all his lies
Like they’re truthful and wise.
Your stenography’s worse than inane.

Richard Cheney has harmed our great nation.
Yet you act like each Cheney quotation
Is golden and true,
Worth transcribing on cue.
You’re not journos — you just take dictation.

I think if I got the chance to interview Cheney, which is not really what I would like to do if I got within arm's reach of him, I would ask him this question:

"While you're in prison awaiting the gallows, are you likely to get into arts and crafts or would you rather work in the laundry?"

Quote of the Day

Dr. Myers:

A study that tried to analyze how pornography affected men's views ran into an unfortunate problem: no control group. It seems there does not exist a population of males that doesn't see some porn regularly ...

Heh ...

Sometimes, even a blind squirrel ...

Or two, finds a nut. Last night on Goofball, Chris Matthews asked Howard Fineman a question. That and the answer were quite telling. Paraphrasing:

Matthews: Would Obama have voted for this [the "surge" in Afghanistan] were he still a senator?

Fineman: No.

Amazing how things change with your perspective.

Thank fucking god it's Friday ...

Quote of the Day

Maru (again, I know, but she's the best):

...

Um, Huck, what part of “long and violent criminal history,” “repeated, in writing, that Clemmons should remain in prison” and “108-year prison sentence” didn’t you understand? You fucking imbecile? [!!!!!1!!]

Take 30,000 and call me in the morning ...

Jon Stewart:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
30,000
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

Vid stolen from Heather.

Light Blogging Today

Mrs. G has a rare local dentist appointment this A.M. and I'm going along to visit with the Doc and his lovely wife who is the brains who runs the joint. He is a Vietnam Vet Navy dentist who worked with Marines and later retired from the Air Guard as a General. Also to go to lunch after at this joint. Yum. Won't need any supper tonight, you betcha!

Thought I'd leave ya with a little light entertainment:

NEW YORK - A home movie showing a relaxed Marilyn Monroe apparently smoking marijuana has surfaced, retrieved from an attic some 50 years after it was filmed.

The reel-to-reel silent, color film taken at a private home in New Jersey was recently purchased by collector Keya Morgan for $275,000 from the person who took the film, who has asked to remain anonymous.

Thanks to EmAminee.

More contractors!

Our pal Montag points out that along with the "surge", we'll be getting more Blackwater (or a reasonable facsimile):

Along with the increase of 30,000 troops to the Kabul Quagmire, there will be an increase in the number of private contractors and mercenaries hired to support their effort. As the Army Times reports, we would be much better off without some of that "support".

...

How we'll win ...

We won't. If you read anything today, read D-cap:

...

Defeating Al Qaeda does not equate to rooting out terrorism - but 8 years since 9/11 and many in this country actually believe that if we capture (and execute) Osama bin Laden or any of his thirty-four #2 lieutenants, terrorism will stop. This is true 1984 - endless war. Fighting will not kill the ideals behind the terrorists. But it will keep the bottom lines of many companies very happy.

...

More "light distraction" ...

I could watch this all day. Heh ...

Hey Santa ...

Take yer kettle and bell and shove it up yer ass. Ain't getting shit from me except for maybe a loogie.

The most useless ...

Governing body ever devised by humankind. That would be the New York State Legislature:

ALBANY — The State Senate defeated a bill on Wednesday that would legalize same-sex marriage, after an emotional debate that touched on civil rights, family and history. The vote means that the bill, pushed by Gov. David A. Paterson, is effectively dead for the year and dashes the optimism of gay rights advocates, who have had setbacks recently in several key states.

...

They've been useless since this nation was founded and seem to have no qualms about continuing the tradition.

A little light distraction

Barf bag alert! This is the scariest cruise ship video I've seen. Apparently she lost her engines in a big storm in the western Med.

If ya look close, you can see the always unflappable Fixer with his toes curled under the bar rail, holding a quintuple Jack Rocks with a perfectly gimballed wrist lest he spill any. Nothing messes with his enjoyment of a cruise!

Looks to me like anyone barfing over the lee rail (as they should) got their face wet.

Cruise ship Voyager makes way through Rough seas.

Beeb article here.

Thanks to mytube308, Oz.

Effedupistan Speech Analysis

For a more thorough and knowledgeable same-day analysis of Obama's Afghanistan speech than you will get from the soundbite gasbags and bumpersticker pols, please go see last night's 55-minute Charlie Rose. The link might be a little iffy as the vid is on the home page now and that might change. Let me know if you have any problems with it.

Of particular interest to me are the opinions of Martha Raddatz and Dexter Filkins, who between them have more war zone cred than the gasbags and pols due to the fact that they've been shot at in Iraq and Afghanistan more than all the rest of them put together and are real journalists.

Obama, the great disappointment?

Here's a column by Mark Morford that I needed to read and its timing in the wake of last night's speech is uncanny:

But not so fast. Back here in the dwindling twilight of the '00s, there is much puling from the liberal left that Obama has not done nearly enough, quickly enough, that his list of accomplishments is no list at all and is more of a giant, infuriating shrug. Many are saying he's not all he's cracked up to be because he has yet to completely revolutionize every aspect of human life as we know it by instantly turning everything organic, curing all diseases and setting all gay military personnel free to romp in the fields of boot camp.

Where is the complete ideological overhaul of the entire federal government? Where is the Gandhi-like pacifism? Why are we sending 30K more troops to Afghanistan? What about my new job, my single-payer health care and my tiny car that runs on sunflowers and hemp popsicles? Indeed, rabid impatience has combined with impossible expectation to give many liberals a free ticket to the land of nonstop bitching. Alas.

Conversely, there is all manner of incoherent noise spewing like radioactive urine from the far right, a nonstop wail of childlike panic claiming that, because Obama behaves with unnerving calm, shakes hands with foreign dignitaries and doesn't seem interested in bombing everyone in a turban, he must be a socialist Muslim Nazi hell-bent on banning machine guns and killing all old Republicans in their sleep and replacing them with French-speaking hip-hop jazz musicians.

The good news is, both sides are wildly, fantastically, delightfully wrong. [...]

But somehow, as I delved in a bit more deeply, as I scanned those lists and noted all the changes in a single year, I found myself reenergized, invigorated, slapped awake at the new tone and direction, the sheer scale of all the changes, and how we are no longer the rogue macho cowboy laughingstock jackass of the world.

Sure, there's still a long way to go. Yes, we're still invading Afghanistan. Wall Street is still packed with jackals and demons. DOMA still exists. All is far from perfect. But times have changed indeed. Things are most definitely not what they once were. I can think of no better news to report.

Thanks, Mark. I needed that. I can wait for the world of rainbows and unicorns and piles of puppies for a while longer now.

You owe it to yourself to go read the rest.

Oil of L.A.

Go see this interesting video of oil rigs in odd places in Los Angeles and a short history of the 'awl bidness' in the city of my birth. I've known about this since I was a kid and it's amusing to me that it keeps getting re-discovered like it's something new.

The crux ...

Of the biscuit from Comrade Misfit:

...

Too much hinges on Pakistan. If the Pakistani government keeps on covertly supporting the Taliban, which they have done all along, I don't see how this can end well.

We can't run a supply line through there because security is so dismal. Every branch of their armed forces and intelligence machine have been infiltrated by Taliban sympathizers. All of our stuff has to come into Afghanistan by air for fear of it being destroyed while sitting on the ground in Pakistan.

How in Hell are we supposed to support 30,000 more troops?

Obama is also relying on an increased NATO commitment. From where? The British people have had it. The Germans (after the number of innocents killed in the fuel truck incident) want their people out. And Europe in general is war-weary. The NATO commitment will be slow, if it ever happens, in coming.

Gordon said in his post last night this morning:

...

Obama talked me into giving him a shot. 18 months. I don't like it but I can live with it. He's not Bush.

And that's the only thing giving me comfort. He is not Bush. I'm praying the man has a conscience and truly believes he will not be squandering U.S. lives in a futile effort. I'm hopeful he will give the operation more commitment than the previous administration.

What bothers me is Bush's generals are still in charge of the warfighting apparatus. I still don't see how we're supposed to "train" the Afghans up into a cohesive national army and police force when their first loyalties are to their families, their tribe, and money, not necessarily in that order. How do we get a race of people who feel happier in the 10th Century to accept the role we've ordained for them in the 21st? In only 18 months? I can't see it but if it happens, I'll be cheering the loudest.

I just hope, after this is all said and done, our government will give the same commitment to the troops coming home (our record so far has been dismal). You know, those who've left parts of their bodies and minds behind on the battlefield. I hope they planned for that as they talked strategy for "winning" this misguided war.