Please mount my hot blue alien

I can only surmise that Mark Morford typed this column with his other hand. I know I read it that way.

Some say the greatness of "Avatar" lies in its lush visual grandeur, the sheer madhouse spectacle, the revolutionary eye candy that only $300 million in computer graphics and 10 pounds of psilocybin mushrooms can buy.

Let's just say it outright: This is a movie about alien porn. It's about the great, timeless, hypererotic white man fantasy of the Other. Inhabiting it, having sex with it, becoming it, moving inside it, running and leaping and fighting and taking spectacular risks just before falling into a bed of florid vines with your significant -- and incredibly hot -- alien companion to fondle her tail as the planet smiles in happy bioluminescent munificence all around you.

Let me be clear. I don't mean "hot" in the typical sci-fi sense. The Na'vi are not cheeseball pneumatic fantasy creations, the males all bloated, vein-popping muscle-bound meatheads and the females sporting Volkswagen-sized breasts and giant firedragon swords and asses from here to Lara Croft. They are not the generic, infantile, 10-year-old boy-lost-at-Comic-Con kind of hot. Not completely, anyway.

No, this is adult hot. Kinky hot. Exoticism wrapped in virile prowess slipped into a giant sheath of sexy blue lizardleather. It would appear that James Cameron and his nefarious crew of kinkhounds probed every nook and cranny and orifice of Freud's extraterrestrial fantasy handbook to invent the dreamiest blue lustcreature imaginable. Yes, this is a movie about fetishism.

Evidence? Plenty.

Go...

Hit the bricks, '09

JibJab

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

We'll do it again in '0-10...

Shovel faster, Janie!

Scholars & Rogues, enough links to play whack-a-mole.

Jane Hamsher ruffled some feathers last week when she forged a temporary alliance with Grover Norquist to call for an investigation of Rahm Emanuel’s activities at Freddie Mac. She also warned us about Treasury’s plan to raise limits on government backing for Freddie and Fannie. She was too late to stop the latter; in fact, Treasury stuffed the fattest, slush fund stocking in history on Christmas Eve. I don’t know if Rahm is guilty. He looks guilty as hell, though that goes for pretty much everyone in that fetid swamp. But the biggest uproar to come from Ms. Hamsher’s activities seems to be the rending of garments and gnashing of teeth that comes from purity betrayed.

So maybe Ms. Hamsher is going to come away from this with cooties, but you know — if you really stop to think about it — that the fundamental problem facing this nation is that two corrupt institutions manage to keep the American people divided against each other. There will always be real differences, and i seriously doubt that Jane Hamsher is going to start calling for bathtub violence against the government. I’d be greatly surprised if she started writing on the benefits of conservative neo-liberal economic policy. She’s no traitor to anyone or anything. Freedom, as you well know by now, is not free; the price is eternal vigilance and the willingness to do what’s right, even when it isn’t the easy thing or the politically expedient thing.

I would like to hold Norquist's head under water in the same dirty bathwater he wants to drown the government in, but since I'm a gentle Librul who doesn't believe in outright murder except in a few cases, only until he craps his knickers. That said, sometimes you have to make a deal with the devil to try and get something done, and when it's done you can kill him.

Here are Jane's charges against Emanuel.

It appears that Jane is shovelling shit against the tide, but when she's involved I wouldn't bet the farm on the tide.

Almost forgot - Jane with cooties? I'm aroused...

Sen. Hatch admits GOP ’standard practice’ was to run up deficit

Senator Hatch (R-Cultah) done stepped on his unit. Heh.

Raw Story, with video:

MSNBC's Rachel Maddow believes she has found the smoking gun proving Republicans' hypocrisy on health care and the budget deficit: an admission by Utah Republican Sen. Orrin Hatch that, during the Bush administration, "it was standard practice not to pay for things."

"Every single Republican opposed the health reform bill when it was voted on on Christmas Eve, and that includes the 24 Republicans who voted for George Bush's Medicare prescription-drug expansion in 2003," Maddow said on her show Monday night. "Now that expansion in 2003, unlike the reform bill that's being currently debated, added tens of billions of dollars to the deficit. And this makes for some awkward politics, because many Republicans are citing worries about the deficit as their reason for voting against health reform now."

Some Republicans say they don't believe the CBO's projections that the health care overhaul will pay for itself. As for their newfound worries about big government health expansions, they essentially say: That was then, this is now.

Project Obama Fail had not begun at that time and the wildly successful Project Bush Fail was just getting up to speed.

If you see a bicycle rocketing backwards in the next day or so, it'll just be Hatch backpedalling. Telling the truth, however inadvertently, is considered a political gaffe in Repug Beltwayistan. This oughta be good!

Problem solved!

Department of Homeland Security Issues Terrorist ID Cards

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - In the wake of the Christmas Day airline terror attempt, the Department of Homeland Security today said it was instituting a bold new series of security measures, including issuing an official "proof of terrorism" I.D. card.

"All potential terrorists must have the terrorist I.D. card in order to be barred from boarding," said Homeland Security secretary Janet Napolitano. "If you want to get on the no-fly list you'll need a completed application and the $25 fee."

The Homeland Security chief said that her department would continue to crack down on the primary threat to air safety: shampoo.

"We will be looking out for shampoo like never before," she said. "If you want to smuggle it on board, you had better hide it with your bomb-making supplies."

Makes ya proud to be an American, don't it?

In case you're wondering ...

You have a far greater chance of being hit by lightning than being involved in a terrorist attack ... unless you're my wife.

Let's just ...

Round 'em all up and send 'em to Gitmo:

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If you add in Africans (as you must by this logic) that's about half of the global population right there. But then how do we know that some guy named Bob isn't a Muslim? Or that some young woman named Samira isn't a terrorist? It gets really complicated. The only profiling that will really work is to not let anyone in the US at all and to require all US citizens to wear designations on their clothes to indicate which religion they are. Anything short of that just won't get the job done.

Alternatively, we could invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity.

...

A conservative wet dream.

Top 20 Funniest Political Moments of 2009

From Daniel Kurtzman. Just go...

Also, the bumpersticker of the year IMNSHO:

Inhofe's Global Warming Solution

Strip Search

On a weenie-shrinkin' day like that, I've got a hunch what it is we'd be searchin' for! I believe I'll take the bus! Even from Amsterdam to Detroit!

Thanks to The Independent, UK.

W**-M*** continues to suck

According to the New York Times, Wal-Mart can give employees "demerits" that can lead to termination if they call in sick! We think the real demerits should go to Wal-Mart for their bad sick days practices, which risk making the public sick and their employees sicker. Give Wal-Mart a "Demerit Badge" today!

Update:

ABC News

A Pennsylvania Walmart Supercenter videotaped employees and customers in a unisex bathroom, several former and current Walmart employees alleged in a lawsuit filed this week.

Several employees discovered an "off-the-shelf" video camera in a store bathroom March 31, 2008, according to the court filing. The unisex bathroom, which also served as a changing room, was used by employees and customers. Customers and employees were not notifed of the surveillance, according to the court filing.

Walmart said two workers were responsible for the camera.

"Two associates were terminated for placing a camera in an associate dressing room bathroom," Walmart spokesman Greg Rossiter said. "When store management learned of the camera, it was immediately removed."

The company declined further comment.

According to the court filing, the camera was installed by Walmart's loss-prevention unit.

The camera was used to monitor employees for possible theft and it is unclear how long the surveillance took place, McLain said. None of the plaintiffs, however, were accused of stealing from the store.

A store manager acknowledged the existence of the surveillance camera only after employees produced a photo of the camera, McLain said.

Monitoring employee theft? The camera was in the fucking TIRE DEPARTMENT! Yeah, when I worked as a tire man, I always snuck tires out in my shorts! Maybe they were just swiping the really cool little green valve caps that signify nitrogen instead of air in the tires. Yeesh.

Three of the plaintiffs were terminated after complaining to store management about video surveillance, McLain said.

They fired the guys who did it and the the guys that did something about it. It's a Repug thing.

Muck Fal-Wart.

An Avatar Awakening

AfterDowningStreet

Let's face it, if James Cameron had made a movie with the Iraqi resistance as the heroes and the U.S. military as the enemies, and had set it in Iraq or anywhere else on planet earth, the packed theaters viewing "Avatar" would have been replaced by a screening in a living room for eight people and a dog.

The Na'vi people of "Avatar" are very explicitly Iraqis facing "shock and awe," as well as Native Americans with bows and arrows on horseback. The "bad guys" in the battle scenes are U.S. mercenaries, essentially the U.S. military, and the movie allows us to see them, very much as they are right now in 177 real nations around the world, through the eyes of their victims.

Rob Kall at OpEd News suggested that we make flyers to hand out at theaters following screenings of "Avatar." Having now seen the film, I think he's right. Here's a flyer (PDF).

Fat chance.

Flight 253 and Alligator Brains

The Last Chance Democracy Cafe

There’s little doubt that I personally stand a much greater risk of dying from a (frustration induced) heart attack in an airport security line than of being killed in a terrorist attack. The recent failed attack on Northwest Flight 253 doesn’t change that.

And, for the most part, we are fairly accepting of these inevitable risks of life. Not so, however, for terrorism. As to it, the acceptable level of risk often seems to be regarded as zero — something that is in reality, of course, impossible to achieve. Yet, in this quixotic quest to ensure total safety we have spent more of our money, bended more of our national principles and created more discomfort for ourselves and others than has been true in the cases of numerous much more likely risks to our safety.

And here we go again with new security measures in response to the attack on Flight 253 — measures destined to make air travel even more miserable than it already is. Will they make us safer? I’m no expert, but mark me down as dubious. But even if these latest assaults against our air travel sanity will provide some small measure of increased security, that still leaves the question of whether they will be worth the cost.

That’s a question we as a society need to be asking more often. Obviously, we must take all reasonable steps to keep ourselves safe, but the line between what is reasonable and what is unduly destructive of other interests and values couldn’t be any thinner. The threat of terrorism is likely to be with us for as long as anyone reading these words is alive, a risk that will provide endless opportunities for fear induced limitations upon our freedom and comfort. And whatever the Obama Administration does, rest assured, it won’t be nearly enough for the alligator brains of the far right.

From the link:

BUFFOON WATCH.... Some have wondered this year if, in the case of a deadly terrorist attack, Republicans could bring themselves to put patriotism over party, and rally behind a president they disagree with.

I think we're getting a sense of the answer.

Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R-Mich.) said Sunday that it is fair to blame the Obama administration for the attempted bombing of a Northwest Airlines flight bound for Detroit on Christmas Day.

...

Not quite 48 hours after a Nigerian man -- who got a visa to enter the United States from the Bush administration -- unsuccessfully tried to kill Americans, Pete Hoekstra, one of Congress' more offensive buffoons, is going on national television to blame the Obama administration.

I know I shouldn't be surprised, but this is nauseating.

Let's be clear. First, the Obama administration's record on counter-terrorism is very impressive. Second, Pete Hoekstra's record on national security issues is so ridiculous, it's hard not to point and laugh. And third, Hoekstra's attempts to exploit an attack that failed is almost certainly motivated by an effort to impress right-wing primary voters in advance of his gubernatorial campaign, making his attacks against the president cheap and disgusting.

What an embarrassment.

When a candidate like Hoaxtra has nothing, he can always fall back on Project Obama Fail and maybe convince enough morons to keep him on the gravy train.

Oh, the irony...

Ironic Times

SPECIAL EDITION: THE DECADE IN IRONY, 2000-2009

I guess the irony is that the decade actually began in 2001 and has a year to go.

2000

Bush Win Inspires Average Students
Presidency not out of reach for those with poor grades, police records, money.

2002

U.S. Wants to Dump 77,000 Pounds of Nuclear Waste 90 Miles from Las Vegas
Many argue that's not close enough.

Middle Class Losing Health Insurance
But problem is temporary – middle class rapidly vanishing.

2005

Army Asks Congress to Raise Top Recruitment Age from 35 to 42
Lower bottom IQ score from 42 to 35.

Alberto Gonzales to Remove Covering From Breast of Statue In Dept. of Justice
Orders all statues stripped, piled on top of each other in lobby.

2009

Republicans: No Reason to Probe Bush Administration Use of Torture
There was no oral sex involved.
...

Obama Proposes Huge Stimulus Plan
To get Americans borrowing again.

Quote of the Day

Our buddy Nucks (link NSFW):

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Apparently we have small children running the TSB who have absolutely no concept of airline traffic and passenger safety.

...

Now ...

That's a terrorist.

So ...

David "Bobo" Brooks is in favor of single-payer health care?

...

Brooks support for single-payer comes late in the health care reform debate. Both houses of Congress have passed reform bills which Brooks says he can't support. "I oppose it. It's a close call for me," said Brooks. "My preferred option is to give consumers choice."

...

Be nice if the little twat spoke up when it counted.

The day after Christmas...

Thanks to YubaNet.

The Reincarnation of the Dark Ages

You'll love this 'must read' by Loren Adams.

The king taxed the peasants to poverty while the royals were exempt from paying any. Reason? Unjust tax codes were a design of the rich, by the rich, and for the rich. That was the “targeted tax-cut” which invariably became law. “He who hath the gold maketh the rules.”

The Dark Ages was the birthplace of “Trickle-Down Economics.” The caste system was embraced, the church was simply a ruling arm of the monarch, and slavery was legitimatized by the religious righteous.

Republicans constantly decry labor’s “class warfare,” but this is the real war being waged across America. The cultural war is basically a derivative of class warfare – where the ruling class has employed white evangelicals to do their bidding: divide and conquer.

During the Dark Ages, wealth was exclusively inherited, not earned. The legal system was purchased like a commodity resulting in juryless trials, military tribunals, pronouncements by a king acknowledged as sovereign and commissioned by God to rule as if the voice of Providence Himself, executive orders usurping representation, taxation without representation, etc. Anyone disputing the monarch’s sovereignty was designated a traitor and summarily executed, tortured or banished to dungeon. These were the markings of the Dark Ages. Are they not similar to contemporary Republicanism so glaringly demonstrated during the Bush years?

Just...go.

Still ...

Wasting money and lives:

...

Once again, the Army decided to side with the same contractor that has overcharged them for feeding our troops, electrocuted our forces due to faulty work, and exposed them to human sewage through their inability to even get a building properly plumbed.

...

Glad to see we're still supporting the Cheneys.

Link thanks to Cookie Jill.