Dave Zirin in
The Nation:
Every World Cup, it arrives like clockwork. As sure as the ultimate soccer spectacle brings guaranteed adrenaline and agony to fans across the United States, it also drives the right-wing noise machine utterly insane.
“It doesn’t matter how you try to sell it to us,” yipped [1] the Prom King of new right, Glenn Beck. “It doesn’t matter how many celebrities you get, it doesn’t matter how many bars open early, it doesn’t matter how many beer commercials they run, we don’t want the World Cup, we don’t like the World Cup, we don’t like soccer, we want nothing to do with it.”
As for Liddy, let’s be clear. There is not in fact hard anthropological evidence that early soccer games were played with a human head. Interestingly, though, there is an oft-told legend that the sport took root in England in the eighth century because the king’s army playfully kicked around the detached cranium of the conquered Prince of Denmark. Notice that this tall tale is about Europe, not “South American Indians.” I think we’re seeing a theme here.
But maybe this isn’t just sports as avatar for their racism and imperial arrogance. Maybe their hysteria lies in something far more shallow. Maybe the real reason they lose their collective minds is simply because the USA tends to get their asses handed to them each and every World Cup. After all, as G. Gordon asked, “Whatever happened to American exceptionalism?” When it comes to the World Cup, the exceptional is found elsewhere. Could Beck, Liddy and company just have soccer-envy? Is it possible that if the USA was favored to win the World Cup, Beck himself would be in the streets with his own solid gold vuvuzela? I feel that to ask the question is to answer it. In fact, this is as good a reason as any to hope for a mighty run by the US team. It would be high comedy to see Beck and Friends caught in a vice between their patriotic fervor and their nativist fear.
It would be high comedy to see and hear their spew coming out of a vuvuzela stuck up their ass.
Update:Also see:
The Right-Wing War Against Soccer
[...] Whether one is a fan of the world's game or not, the notion that soccer's growth is part of some plot is reflective of a conspiratorial nativism all too prevalent among the right wing. [...]
Another right-wing claim is that soccer can be liked by socialists only. [...] Gainor said, "the problem here is, soccer is designed as a poor man or poor woman's sport," adding the sport "is being sold" as necessary due to the "browning of America." [...]
I think it's because soccer is a game we didn't invent and a game popular in the rest of the colored commie world just ain't fer good Amurikkkans. We don't seem to have a problem with blacks in football and basketball, and browns in baseball.
Then there's hockey. Buncha white commie Canuckistanians and Russians and such. I don't know what to think about that other than our inferior darker-hued brethren obviously aren't smart enough to live in snow and ice and darkness half the year. Heh. Football'd probably interest me more if they used sticks and really sharp shoes on each other.
The same kinda parochialism exists to a lesser extent between the all-American sport of motorcycle
flattrack racing and the international sport of
speedway racing, which has its own
World Cup. Honkin' big and fast mostly American Iron that can throw their riders for a 100-foot walk on the wild side v spindly little sissy commie bikes that can only manage 50 feet. Both are exciting to watch.
The parallel between NASCAR and auto
rally racing is similar. You can't beat rallying for action, but it's not all that popular here. Might be "big engines, turn 'em slow" v "little engines, rev the shit out of 'em". Americans
lurves them some big engines! It might be because rallying is point-to-point and promoters can't sell a coupla million dollars worth of seats and T-shirts and hot dogs and TV rights inside a stadium they own all in a few hours. Also, rallies take
days. NASCAR engines barely last all afternoon, just long enough for the spectators to spend all their money. Again, the rest of the world is way ahead of us on this one except for making money on it. NASCAR ain't nearly as exciting since they banned fist fights amongst the drivers and crews.
Which brings me, for some strange reason known only to three neurons in my brain, to long distance running. You'd think Americans would
love that. Americans are way too fat and lazy to do it themselves, of course, but Africans and some Mexican Indians are really good at it. Amurikkans love to see those kinda folks running because it means they're up to something and can be shot at. The NRA is missing a bet here by not sponsoring this sport.
