The RNC [hearts] me

This is in the mail when I get home from work.

Dear Friend,

I know that you are a strong grassroots leader on Long Island.

Which means you understand that the future of our country and President Bush's bold second term agendais at stake in the 2006 elections.

Good.

Will the liberal Democrats regain total control of Congress and roll back the gains the country has made over the last five years?

I certainly hope so. If those are gains, I'd hate to see what your idea of setbacks are, Kenny-boy.

The liberal Democrats are working to obstruct action on the President's positive policies in a cynical attempt to recapture Congress in 2006. Their left-wing allies are raising hundreds of millions of dollars and willing to pay any price to aid the Democrats' power grab.

Shit, I'm even putting tuna fish and powdered milk under my bed, but I feel safer sitting in my Haitian buddy's house with his chicken legs and orangutan scroti filled with voodoo dust hanging outside his front door.

You can make a difference by activating your membershp to the Republican National Committee for the 2006 election year. Please use the postage-paid envelope to become an RNC Sustaining Member for 2006 by sending your contribution of $100, $75, $50, $35 or $25 today.

I'm running for my checkbook. Tell you what, I'll send you a blank one and you fill in the amount. I mean, if I can't trust President Bush...

With your help, I am confident the Republican Party will be victorious in 2006. Please let me hear from you today.

Sincerely,

Ken Mehlman
Chairman, Republican National Committee

Stop, you're killing me. What's that I smell? Is that the scent of desperation? If you're hitting me up for money, you must be.

Where's that shredder...