As expressed by one Master-Sergeant in the Iraqi military, "I'll even settle for Afghanistan, anything to get out of this meshuganah place." One corporal even asked if there was a U.S. military base in Buffalo, N.Y., stating that he had repeatedly "heard from your Mr.Tim Russert that it is a modern-day Shangri-La."
Although Muslim men are, of course, literally medieval about traditional gender roles, every recruit who went on record said that in order to escape their current living hell, they'd be willing to serve with women, gays, and if necessary, even RuPaul.
Under the "Baker Plan," all Iraqi military personnel will be assigned border-protection duty in the familiar climate of the southern United States, and the "Minutemen," who are currently handling those duties, will be dispatched to Iraq, where their lifespans will then closely mirror their nickname.
As part of this new strategy, President Bush announced today that in an effort to bolster the morale of U.S. troops remaining in Iraq permanently, he was immediately appointing Stephen Colbert as the resident comedian of Karbala.
I couldn't resist!
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