Dear Newt (May I call you Newt? Not because I seek any sort of convivial familiarity, but simply because you remind me of a slimy lizard):
There's been lots of speculation lately as to your political motives and aspirations, and whether or not you're planning a run for the White House in 2012. So I am here to ask you, in fact beg you, to please run for president. There, I've said it. And I mean it with all the passion and dedication of a card-carrying liberal who wishes to see your political fortunes erupt like Mt. Vesuvius. And if I may be so bold as to ask, even beg, for another favor...please name Sarah Palin as your vice-presidential running mate. This would be a Tea Bagger's dream ticket, and a Democrat's wet dream ticket. My goodness, I believe I just soiled myself a little just thinking about it.
Just think, after you and The Wasilla Wonder are nominated you can start thinking about your cabinet, and how you can stock it with brilliant 21st Century thinkers and bridge-builders like Rand Paul, Ken Buck and Sharron Angle. Sean Hannity could be your Communications Director. Rush Limbaugh your head of Community Outreach. You can even revive Dick Cheney and appoint him your Middle East Special Envoy. I hear they just love him over there. Good grief, man, just think about the bazillions of fired up Tea Party peeps you'd draw to the polls.
Now here's the good part. [...]