Tuesday, February 18, 2014

An Open Letter to Ben Gozzi

Political Garbage Chute

Go Get Your Big, Red Rubber Shoes, Bozo

You’re a failure, Mr. Issa. If your job is to find out what’s broken or wasteful in our government so that we can fix it, you have failed in truly comical proportions. Which brings me to why I write this letter. You see, I think I have a proposal for you that is mutually beneficially for all of us — we the American people and you, the American dumb ass. Apparently there’s a growing need within this country — a labor pool that is shrinking and I think you’re the man to fill it.

There’s a real, honest-to-God clown shortage in America, Rep. Issa, and who better to lead the clowning community in this country to a new day than the GOP’s clown prince himself? You’ve pretty much been spending the last five years honing your comedic timing and inane banter, both things that clowns really excel at. And when it comes to big, flashy gags that are meant to keep the masses entertained but that always wind up blowing up in your face, no one can top you spectacular crashes. You’ve all but perfected the Congressional Pratfall. That’s where you puff up your chest, say some really incendiary things, and then have them all blow back in your face when pesky things like “facts” or “truth” trip you up.

You’ve been the GOP’s chief bozo since taking over the oversight committee and promising to expose the Obama administration as the “most corrupt administration” — your words, not mine — in history. You’ve packed your hearing rooms with fellow clowns Louie Gohmert of Texas, Mike Rodgers of Alabama, and Trent Franks of Arizona. I even have your clown name picked out, Darrell — Ben Gozzi the Clown. Bozo was already taken, or you’d have just been handed that one. But I think Ben Gozzi suits you best.
Much more.

Issa wasn't a very good car thief or arsonist and he's a terrible congressman and an embarrassment to us reality-based Californios.