From the "Latest Headlines" crawl:
Koch brothers meet on Sept. 9 to decide midterm elections
Dangerous Methane Discovered Seeping Up From Ocean Floor Off East CoastNOOOOOOO!!!!!
Most climate scientists, after analyzing findings, agree it's time to move to the West Coast.
The New York Times Comes Out for Legalizing Marijuana
Says it makes reading The New York Times way less boring.
New App Tracks a Product's Corporate Political Donations
Turns out all your basic necessities are made by people trying to kill you.
“No Phone” is Just That!
Looks like a smartphone, but it's really just a piece of plastic you can hold and talk to, as if it were a phone, and you had friends, and a life, and you weren't miserable. $19.95, at Desperation Hardware.