From the "Latest Headlines" crawl:
Scary clowns expected to take control of the Senate
MOST AMERICANS EXPECTED TO EXERCISE THEIR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT
By not voting.
126 Nations Sign Pact to Prevent Tax Evasion
Holdouts: How-Can-We-Help-You-Evade Switzerland, United States of Fawning-Servants-of-the 1% America.
Jeb Bush Said to Be Seriously Considering Running for President
“Dad Liked Me Best” bumper stickers already appearing.
Car Safety Testers Switching to Obese Crash-Test Dummies
Being marketed as “American Size” crash-test dummies.