States of the Confederacy Increasingly Unhappy With Outcome of Civil WarMaybe they'd finally STFU if we kicked their ass on TV...or maybe just cut off their welfare...
Boehner Calls Cruz “Lucifein the Flesh" and "Miserable Son of a Bitch”In vino veritas. It's not true, though. Cruz actually exists.
Cruz: “Ask him again when he sobers up.”
Large Hadron Collider Shuts Down After Weasel Chews Though Cable
Weasel hurled into fourth dimension.
FBI Paid Over $1 Million to Unlock iPhone
Hacker's identity unknown, although we do know his mother told him not to spend it all in one place.