Mystery Explained

Birds are falling outta the sky in Arkansas and Louisiana. Is it the end times? Pollution? A hailstorm? The answer is in an old country song (1:36) and it's no coincidence that it's happening in the nether regions south. That region is covered in bird droppings anyway:

My Uncle Bill
Has a still on the hill
Where he runs off a gallon or two
The buzzards in the sky
Get so drunk they can't fly
On that good old mountain dew

It's obvious to me: Obama is having ATF swat 'em for snortin' untaxed whiskey fumes! And maybe the FAA for doin' it in US airspace without getting groped first. Damn socialist...