Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The Republican Holy Bible

This is good.

“In the beginning was the Constitution and the Constitution was divinely ordained by God because it was transcribed by Righteous Republicans who were America’s chosen “forefathers.” And the forefathers were rich devout Christian white men, in totality. None were atheists or agnostics, or Muslim (or Black), but all were born-again Christians.”

SALVATION

“For Bush so loved the world that he gaveth his only retarded son that whosever believeth in him shall not flourish but have a miserable life.”

"Confess thy sins, repent for the remission of evil, then go ye, therefore, and tell the whole world that thou art FORGIVEN that ye may be able to win votes from the feeble-minded myth-believers. Henceforth thou canst do anything forbidden because thou art a sinner saved by grace – the very elite of God's chosen disciples. Verily, verily, I say unto you, thou mayeth commit adultery, bribery, theft, war-crimes, and deceit with impunity – for thou art the chosen ones whose sins have been cleansed. Thou art predestined and preordained to be forgiven, so indulge thyself."

“If someone strikes you on the one cheek, turneth to him with thine other cheek – from thy buttocks (so let it your light shine before men that they may see your self-righteous born-again shiny whiteass and glorify your father which art in Texas), and then blow your alleged enemy's living brains out, for yours is the Kingdom of the Second Amendment."

“Blessed are the meek. Aw, just kidding. Fuck those socialist pussies.”

I could quote this one until Texas freezes over. Go see.

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