Tourism ...

Since I haven't been in touch with what's going on, except for hearing about Osama being killed and checking the weather report, for close to a month, I actually caught the local news in full this morning.

Seems we have a new tourism angle here on Long Island. The serial killer demographic.

Indeed, if you're a serial killer, or somebody who just needs to get rid of a body, bring it to Long Island and get rid of them near the beach road.

HAUPPAUGE, N.Y. (WABC) -- Suffolk DA Tom Spota announced this afternoon that the eight bodies discovered along Ocean Parkway since December were the victims of not one, not two, but at least THREE and possibly FOUR separate killers.

The new bodies found in Suffolk County are not connected to the first four found in Gilgo* Beach, Suffolk County investigators have concluded.

Some of the remains recently found were parts missing from victims initially discovered dumped in Manorville in 2000 and 2003.

...

Now, the Mrs. and I know this area well. It's on a barrier island between Robert Moses State Park (where I used to cut school as soon as the weather got warm) and Jones Beach State Park (where the Mrs. worked to put herself through college), both beaches connected by the Ocean Parkway.

It's the perfect place to get rid of bodies.

1) It's deserted. The little communities along the parkway are mainly summer camps (set back from the highway behind 50 - 100 yds of brambles and other pointy shit, plus shit that gives you a rash) and there's little activity in the winter.

2) Jurisdictional matters. It's fucked up where the NY State Police patrol Ocean Parkway, the NY State Park Police keep an eye on the parks themselves, all the little beach communities have their own constable or two, and the county line falls somewhere in between the two parks so either Nassau County PD or Suffolk County PD gets called for the bigger crimes. Ain't none of those organizations gonna go poking around in the brambles and poison ivy on the side of the parkway if they don't have to.

3) There are always cars parked on the grass on the side of the parkway because the Atlantic Ocean is on one side of the highway (300 yds) and a picturesque bay on the other (500 yds) and there are sections of the beach where people are allowed to go 4-wheeling (with a permit, of course) so a car on the side of the road goes relatively unnoticed, especially in the winter when it's bloody cold out there (wicked wind comes off the Atlantic).

So, all you serial killers, bring your body parts to Long Island and dump them where they go unnoticed for almost a decade. While you're at it, could you spend some money here too before you go back home?

Thanks.

*When we were kids, we thought we were so smart calling it "Dildo Beach".