Congrats, Willard!

Dear Willard,

Congratulations on the successful conclusion of your "Moonwalk Tour", so named by Tweety because you had to walk backwards on everything you said.

You cleverly managed to piss off about 60,000,000 Brits, a billion and a half Muslims, all the Palestinians, about half the Israelis who aren't Likud, Hasidim, or Lubavitchers, and threw a little gratuitous disrespect for Ann and her dancing horse into the mix without even ruffling your hair. In Poland, your aide offered the press corps a little romantic opportunity as well. That's understandable. Good help is hard to find when neither end of your party likes you. Heh.

You missed a trick, though - you should have gone from the United Kingdom to Poland so you could have picked up a nice Polish ham as a gift for Bibi.

You only managed to piss off a little less than a third of humanity. Don't get your magic underwear in a bunch over this. You can correct it by making your next World Tour south of the equator. South America, India, Southeast Asia, and Africa await your tender touch. You can visit the jobs you created in China as well.

You'll have plenty of time for this after the election. Call it the "Ugly American Tour II".

Praying for your successful retreat into the gated communities of your choice, never to be heard from again, I remain

Your pal,

Gordon

P.S. I got 400 bucks back from the IRS this year without paying anything in. It only cost me $5000 to pull it off. If you need any tax tips, give me a call. Not collect.