Monday, February 18, 2013

A Message To The College Of Cardinals From The Holy Spirit

Goblinbooks is on fire today! Do not miss this!

Folks, I'm not coming.

I don't know how you're going to pick the new guy. I don't care how you're going to pick the new guy. Puff the white smoke, don't puff the white smoke, it makes absolutely no difference. I refuse to be a part of this, this - I want to say train wreck, obviously, but at least train wrecks have the decency to stop at some point.

Flip a coin, play Monopoly, try competitive teabagging... however you select the new pontiff, I want everyone reading this to understand that I, the breath of the Almighty, the small still voice of Yahweh, the third distinct Holy Person in the mystical entity known to the faithful as the Triune God, will play absolutely no role in this purple freak show. I will be inspiring none of you. I will invest no one with the strength to become the heir of St. Peter and manage the affairs of the Bride of Christ on earth. Suck it, chumps. You're on your own.

This should surprise no one. Anybody following the Charlie-Sheen-porn-family you people have become will probably not even shrug at this announcement. It's difficult to find a Cardinal who doesn't resemble Keyser Söze in drag. Pick the spiritual leader of millions? Most of you guys are lucky you're not in prison.

I could go on, but why bother? You have proven repeatedly that you're willing to enforce your extremist laws on everyone but yourselves. For you there are always excuses, loopholes, and chances to sit out the scandal. Everyone knows this. Because of you, there are now two kinds of Catholics: People who take Rome seriously and people who are paying attention. I've got better things to do than put a stamp on whatever rightwing gargoyle you're going to pick.

In fact, if I'm going to use any of my influence it'll be to remind the good, decent Catholics of what they already know. That the only moral response to you is rebellion. If they take me seriously, and some of them still do, I'm telling them to oppose your terrible nonsense. They need to fight back, and maybe finally walk across the street and join a church that doesn't run afoul of the RICO Act.

Okay, enough. You people exhaust me. I've got a couple of next year's Grammy winners to crap out, and then it's back to bed.
Remembering that one "aw shit" wipes out 10,000 "attaboys", for all the good works done by lower level church people, it's still a top-down medieval institution, the trappings and wealth of which, not to mention the anachronistic policies and rituals, disgust me.

Then there's the pedophilia cover-ups. Jesus weeps.


PaulBibeau said...

Thank you so much. I wondered "Does the teabagging thing go too far?" And then I realized I should never ask myself that. That's not what people want of me.

Gordon said...

You're kind of like a PG-rated Rude Pundit. I wish I was half as clever.

bearsense said...

The rebellion part sort of worked for Luther, but then we got Baptists.

Gordon said...

Worse, Puritans.