Update

Chapter 11 of Empires is up at creativity . . . finally.

The First Church of Applientology*

Substitute LIBERALS for MUSIC.

This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER . . .

It is my responsibility to enforce all the laws that haven't been passed yet. It is also my responsibility to alert each and every one of you to the potential consequences of various ordinary everyday activities you might be performing which could eventually lead to The Death Penalty (or affect your parents' credit rating). Our criminal institutions are filled with little creeps like you who do wrong things . . . and many of them were driven to these crimes by a horrible force called MUSIC!

Our studies have shown that this horrible force is so dangerous to society at large that laws are being drawn up at this very moment to stop it forever! Cruel and inhuman punishments are being carefully described in tiny paragraphs so they won't conflict with the Constitution (which itself is being modified in order to accommodate THE FUTURE). - The Central Scrutinizer © 1979 Frank Zappa, Joe's Garage, Vol. 1

Zappa was a prophet in my book. This was written over 25 years ago as commentary on the Shi'a revolution in Iran. It could just as well have been written today about the regime currently in power here. A big hat tip to fellow Zappa devotee the CultureGhost for putting my head in the right place.

Zappa on Zappa (from the liner notes):

Desperate nerds in high offices all over the world have been known to enact the most disgusting pieces of legislation in order to win votes (or, in places where they don't get to vote, to control unwanted forms of mass behavior).

We take you now, to a garage in Canoga Park . . .

*Zappa fans will get it immediately

I'll buy it.

Pissed-off Patricia at Blondie's:

Had to stop, turn round and go back to take this picture near Daytona this week.

Unconscionable

This via Badtux:

US marines who suffered the highest casualty rate of any unit in Iraq have revealed that they were so short of soldiers that they used cardboard dummies to fool insurgents into believing that they faced more men.

Company E of the First Marine Division dressed the cutouts in camouflage shirts and placed them in observation posts to trick Iraqi rebels into thinking that they were manned.

[. . .]

I'm so pissed when I read this, I'm almost speechless. All I'll say is, I admire the Jarheads' ingenuity.

Yes!!!!

I was hoping this would be good. Incertus assures us Adams fans that it is. Hear that, David?

And man, was it worth it. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy was not completely faithful to the book--what adaptation ever is?--but even though the filmmakers added a new character and additional storyline, they were true to the most important aspect of the novel(s). The one thing I was afraid they wouldn't be able to pull off--the little asides that Adams sprinkled throughout--were handled wonderfully, and served to propel the film along. They left out a couple, probably for ratings purposes--the one on getting drunk (although they kept the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster) and the one about Eccentrica Gallumbits, the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon Six, but I forgive them that because they got the feel so absolutely right.

[. . .]

Can't wait to see this one.

Snowed

Media Matters looks at how clueless our 'free press' is with regard to Bush's Social Security destruction reform:

One day after President Bush's April 28 press conference, the 10 largest U.S. newspapers obscured the full impact of Bush's proposed cuts in Social Security benefits. While some articles failed to note that the proposal would drastically cut benefits for lower-middle-income workers and not just for the wealthy, others neglected to describe the changes as cuts at all, instead repeating the Republican talking point that they would merely slow the rate of growth in benefits. The Wall Street Journal and the Associated Press even falsely reported that low-income workers would receive greater benefits under the Bush plan than under current law.

[. . .]

Link via Atrios.

E-man on Gore

[. . .]

It is no accident that this assault on the integrity of our constitutional design has been fueled by a small group claiming special knowledge of God's will in American politics. They even claim that those of us who disagree with their point of view are waging war against "people of faith."

How dare they?

[. . .]

Eponymous goes over Gore's recent speech and likes what he sees.

Brit Tzedek v'Shalom

I love financial solicitations. If it weren't for folks asking me for money I don't have and probably wouldn't send if I did, all I'd get in the mail would be bills. But sometimes I wonder how some of these outfits get my name.

The title of this post, in words I can understand, is "Jewish Alliance for Justice & Peace" and you can click on it to see their website.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm the farthest thing from anti-semitic as you can get. I grew up in a predominately Jewish community. In fact, so Jewish that on their holidays our school held classes in a phone booth. The local chrome plater specialized in menorahs, and I'm not making that up.

I know many things that other goyim don't know about their faith and their culture, even some things they don't want you to know, such as how to put fresh coffee on top of old grounds to make that delicacy, the Hebrew Rebrew. I know that Manischewitz Fudgey Chewy Brownie mix is vegan. A Yarmulke is not an Israeli motorcycle that a yenta or shiksa rides on the back of.

I know about their religious observances, such as Overpass and its accompanying Cedar; the cleansing of Purina; the eight-day Chatahoochee thing that comes around Christmas, and the Yon Kipper deal, although, what religion has to do with herring is beyond my comprehension. I know that it takes ten Jewish Minions to sit shivering for the lately departed.

Culturally, Rhythmn and Jews by The Klezmatics gets my toes a-tappin', and I put maple syrup on my fried matzos. Chicken soup can cure anything, including minor oil leaks. Home-cured brisket is to die for.

I dated Jewish girls, and their parents weren't thrilled about it. Except for the Rabbi whose daughter was a pal, he liked me. Oy! Go figure.

And every time I see a Bris, I'm positively dazzled. I am amazed at how brave and optimistic they must be to cut off part of their kid's schwanz before he even gets to see it or knows how long it's gonna be.

Despite my world-class knowledge of the things of the Hebrew persuasion, I'm at a loss as to how they got my name. I think there must be a bunch of gonifs out there that sell mailing lists of inappropriate contacts, like the ones who sold me to the Republicans some time back. These folks should ask for their money back.

"L'shanah haba-ah birushala-yim". See ya there, bros. Just don't call me a tightwad.

Note: As silly shit kept popping into my head, I edited and added to this post several times. At some point, thunder rolled and lightning flashed and a stentorian voice, entirely unlike the run-of-the-mill "little voices" that I've grown so fond of, boomed in my mind's ear, "So stop already!". You, dear reader, are the beneficiary.

Heavy G's Stax o' Wax

This is probably the last music list you'll ever see. It's been my experience that when the bandwagon slows down enough for me to jump on, it's because the horse just died.

I do most of my music listening at home. Our rigs have AM/FM and that's it. When we go on long trips, what the hell, I like Mexican music. Country music's country music, whatever the country. My wife's gettin' ready to score a new CD player with a pickup truck wrapped around it, so that might change.

I don't have one of those iPod thingies. I only recently got wireless headphones, which are damn handy when working at HAL or on the shitter. Like a lot of things, though, the batteries go bad at the darndest times!

I've got an Emerson set. AM/FM/cassette-to-cassette/3 CD/turntable. I got it because of the turntable. It'll play my old LP's (toity tree n' a toids for you New Yorkers) but I'm SOL on my 45's and 78's. It holds 3 CD's but I rarely plan that far ahead. I used to use a belt-drive Dual hooked to an amp I built from a Heathkit. The new set is a cheapie, but it beats the shit out of them $30 boom boxes I was using to play CD's and cassettes. FYI, my old Chevy van still has an 8-track set. Heh! The modern electronics are a marvel.

These are albums (yes, I still call 'em that) I've played in the last few days:

Meet Me In Margaritaville-Jimmy Buffett
Life Goes On-Desert Rose Band
Houndog Ramble-LeRoy Mack
My Mother's Voice-Kathy Kallick
Bakersfield Bound-Chris Hillman & Herb Pedersen
Follow My Lead-The Fox Family
Live: The Farewell Tour-Cher
Poet In My Window-Nanci Griffith
The Angels Are Singing: A Women's Bluegrass Gospel Collection-Various Artists

Tip: Try the last one during romantic moments. Talk about a religious experience!

Songs from the Depression-The New Lost City Ramblers

I haven't played that one recently, but what the hell, I'll throw it in anyway because it's got one of the best verses in music that ever was:

"Back again! Back again!
We got Franklin Delano Roosevelt back again!
Since Roosevelt's been re-elected,
Moonshine likker's been corrected!
We got legal wine, whiskey, beer, an' gin!"

A plenty good reason why we need a Democratic President, I think, although I would like to add certain herbal products as well.

Music is fun and good for the soul. 'Nuff said.

Yay!!!

I put my money where my mouth was.

[. . .]

50% of the annual fee goes to Animal Population Control Fund. New Yorkers, find out about other good causes you can support this way by clicking here.

[. . .]

I broke down and ordered commemoratve license plates for my truck and they came today.

Get 'em, girl

Tami lays it down:

. . . I want teenage girls who would be affected by it to know - you can go ahead and call me. I'll drive you across state lines, threat of a lawsuit or not . . .

She's fired up and taking a stand. Good on ya, darling.

Turdblossoms

From that crazy bunch at 12th Harmonic:

JW on the Con Job

Why wrack my little pea brain to make stuff up when I've got Wolcott?

The New York Post didn't even put the Bush press con on page one, realizing that Katie Holmes & Tom Cruise (the new Brad & Jen?) and a Phil Rizzuto commemorative medallion took precedence.

So it's seems evident that Bush didn't persuade or energize anyone last night, and today he's at Falls Church, Va, doing another sales pitch, and I wish someone last night had asked the president if it's really an appropriate use of the Commander in Chief's time and the taxpayers' money to be jetting all around the country fielding softball questions from cherry-picked audiences? It's like a revival tour solely for the already converted--a futile, costly sham.

My music

A lot of folks are doing that iPod thing. It's not practical for me at work, for safety reasons mostly, and around the house I usually have the TV going. Every so often I'll throw a disc in, but I don't really listen to recorded music at home. My time is when I'm driving to and from work (average of about an hour each way). I have a 6-CD changer in my little pickup which has a pretty good JBL system. In lieu of the 'Friday iPod Shuffle', this is what's on my stack at the moment.

1-Nine Tonight - Bob Seger
2-Guns N' Roses Greatest Hits
3-Born - Bond
4-Dark Side of the Moon - Pink Floyd
5-Songs in the Attic - Billy Joel
6-Tommy - The Who

My little happy Friday dalliance. Eh.

Spam stock may go down...

I'm a big Tom Lehrer fan, and I liked this proposed addition to his work at Are You Effin' Kidding Me?:

We told him nicely: "Please desist."
We even offered an assist
But Kim Jong-Il said, "Screw You, See?"
"We'll make Hawaii DMZ!"
Who's next?

It was Mr. Lehrer who wrote "God made yer eyes to plagiarize", which comes in handy sometimes.

Fuckups

Four letters. NASA.

(CNN) -- NASA will delay the launch of the space shuttle Discovery, the first shuttle to fly since the 2003 Columbia disaster, from May until July because of safety concerns, NASA Administrator Michael Griffin said Friday.

Griffin said the decision was made after managers looked at technical reviews over the past 10 days.

"As a result of all that and in looking at the open analysis items and the small fixes that we need to make and some issues that arose during the tanking of Discovery ... the sum of all those things necessitates that we move out six or seven weeks," Griffin said.

[. . .]

Maybe they should have somebody who knows how the fucking thing works running the show over there? Now, I have the utmost respect for engineers. I've worked closely with some of the finest minds at Ford when I was with Motorsport back in my engine building days, but engineers don't know how things really work. Yeah, they can design shit, but they have no clue about how shit is done in the real world. I could tell you stories. Shit working on paper is far different from the fucking thing actually working when you flip the switch.

NASA has done some good shit over the years, don't get me wrong, but the folks running the show over the last two decades have lost their focus. This is something that should be privatized. It'll save the taxpayers a buncha money and progress will be more forthcoming. Let NASA do the happy little research shit, send their little rovers to Mars (though the place is starting to look like a used car lot), and explore space. Let the corporate world develop the cargo and resource-exploitation end of it. They'll do a better job and we won't have to go through the national trauma every time we lose a crew because the engineers can't figure out how to keep the fucking things together.

Con game

This via the Farmer, via Loaded Mouth:

Authorities at Guantanamo Bay staged interrogations of detainees for visiting politicians and generals to give the impression that valuable intelligence was regularly being gathered, according to a former Army translator at the camp.

Former Army Sgt. Erik Saar told CBS television show 60 Minutes that he believes "only a few dozen" of the 600 detainees at the camp were terrorists and that little information was obtained from them.

"Interrogations were set up so the VIPs could come and witness an interrogation ... a mock interrogation, basically," Saar told the program, to air on Sunday. [my emphases]

[. . .]

So, Jesuslanders, how does it feel to be lied to again . . . and again . . .

Oy gevult!

I was lucky enough to be at dinner with the Mrs. and her AA when (p)resident Nutless Wonder was on TV last night. Unfortunately, I got to see the high(low)lights on the news this morning. Yeesh.

Is it me, or should the President of the United States look and act a bit more confidently? I mean, he looked like a 6th grader in front of the class for the first time, shuffling, squirming, losing his train of thought. I've never seen a man in the office of the Presidency look so out of place, so out of his element (which would be clearing brush on his ranch).

Even Jimmy Carter seemed more at ease, even when it was going to shit around him. Nixon looked more confident when he told us 'I am not a crook'. Clinton was even able to look us all in the eye when he said 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman'. And who can forget G.H.W. Bush when he confidently and sternly told us 'read my lips, no new taxes'. I guess the Chimp's discomfort comes from living in a insulated world of sycophants and yes-men and then being thrust before a group of skeptics.

Agree or disagree with any of his predecessors over the past half-century, most of them were aware of the responsibilities and demands of the office and lived up to them, regardless of idealogy. It is quite obvious that our current President is neither aware, nor does he care. In short, he represented the mindset of this nation last night.

This is a nation of scared, uninformed, and undereducated people who, as long as they're being told everything is fine, are happy to go through their days with blinders on until finally, reality comes bursting through in all its clarity. It's becoming clear lately, that's for sure, and more and more folks are opeining their eyes. It's why the 64% of this nation now feels the man is a total fuckup.

I think it's about time to chase the petulant teenagers out of the Congress and 1600 and let the adults straighten this shit out before we're all sunk. The U.S. cannot be run like a Third World dictatorship or a high school where the teachers have suddenly taken leave. If we keep this shit up, we're gonna break America badly enough that she can't be fixed.

Update: 06:00:

Heraldblog, guest blogging at Blogenlust while John moves from S.F. to NYC (our gain, S.F.'s loss), has a good take on the shit-shoveling session last night.

Profits

How were your first quarter earnings?

Whack-a-DeLay

Go have some fun!

update on that hypocritical bastard.