FYI

Here's How Your Senators Voted on Udall Amendment to Strip Out War and Imprisonment Power Grabs

If I were President, I'd want the ability to lock up American citizens without due process. Bankers, Wall Streeters, the Kochs, every last neocon/warmonger sonofabitch in the Bush administration, etc. I would also lock up every Senator and Congressman who passed the law for treason.

Barry, do your stuff and veto this travesty of justice. It's unconstitutional as all get out, but I don't trust SCOTUS any more.

21 festive uses for pepper spray

If it's Wednesday, it must be Morford with some creative uses for pepper spray. Most of the usual suspects and some that will you surprise you. Well, maybe. You're a jaded lot.

Behold, salvation... in a can! This year, why not enjoy the one product already proven to fix everything, stop unruly complaining and change perspectives in an instant? That's right: Pepper spray. Defense Technology 56895 MK-9, to be exact. The perfect stocking stuffer! [...] Excellent for use on:
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3) Greece. I have no idea what's going on there, either. Something to do with excessive lending, an atrocious tax system, and overly salty souvlaki. Like Italy, Greece's recent, world-destabilizing woes make it seem like a global economy, a secret one-world currency, and the imminent total enslavement of the entire human race by our lizard overlords from the 5th dimension are bad ideas. WTF?
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5) The gays. Right? Obviously? The cause of everything that's wrong with everything everywhere? Duh.
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7) The GOP. Imagine the smiles on your kids' faces this Christmas morn when you show them a YouTube video of a screaming, crying, face-clawing Newt, Cain, Mitt, and all those who think the 99 percent are a bunch of loser hippies who need a haircut and a job -- a job they can't actually get because the one percent are heartless cretins with no sense of perspective. (Similar to spraying all of Congress, but with lots more whining about how it's all the gays' fault).

I like that one! Dear Santa...

20) Yourself. What, you think you're so special? You think you're exempt? Have you seen yourself lately? You, who's reading this column right now, you who's obviously what's wrong with this country?

Clearly, you are some sort of pervert. Miscreant. After all, you actually read. Engage. Learn things. Like sex. Likely sympathize with OWS, pets, toddlers, Hondas. You might even be gay. OMG! Sit yourself down right now on the steps of City Hall and blast yourself with some Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 before you hurt somebody. There now. America is safe again.

21) Oh dear, out of room. So many other possibilities. Kim Kardashian! Pharmaceutical companies! Reality TV! Nickelback! Zucchini! The Catholic Church! Menopause! Food trucks! Steve Jobs dying! Anyone remotely connected to "The Human Centipede" movies! Kansas! This annoying pain in my shoulder! I pepper spray you all. Join me, won't you? I'm quite sure it's what Jesus would have wanted

It might actually work on the pain in his shoulder since capsaicin is a main ingredient in topical arthritis creme. Ask an old person...

The point ...

Where the mighty and powerful knew they could get away with anything:

If you had to pick a point along time-line of the modern United States and say "There! Right there is when it should have been clear to anyone with a brain that something deep and spinal has ruptured inside the American Experiment!" the moment when our political and media elites decided to let the Reagan Administration get away with treason would be an excellent candidate.

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Goodbye, Black Walnut ...

Your 15 minutes is up:

Herman Cain may be quietly reconsidering what to do next with his campaign, but some of his most ardent defenders on the right have already made up their minds.

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Headline of the Day

Tim Pawlenty Named The 'Least Influential' Person Alive By 'GQ'

Heh. "Alive" covers a lot of territory. He might even get beat outta that dubious honor in the next day or so by Pizza Guy.

GOP Is Set to Self-Destruct Over Payroll Tax

Fine with me. The Daily Beast. Pretty good explanation of the rope that's going to hang them.

Mitch McConnell unsurprisingly announced his opposition to it Monday. And yes, this is the same Mitch McConnell who said in January 2009 that a two-year suspension of the payroll tax “would put a lot of money back in the hands of businesses and in the hands of individuals,” and that “Republicans, generally speaking, from Maine to Mississippi, like tax relief.”

Well, that was then. Now three things have changed. One, the idea was a Republican one back then; now it’s a Kenyan one. That alone is enough to make it poison to them. Two, extending the holiday will help the economy at a moment when Republicans are now very clearly trying to hurt the economy. This is not even a controversial thing to say anymore, it’s so obvious. And three, now there’s a price tag on it; it has to be paid for in some way, and that way is a surtax on super-high incomes. And this above all is what the GOP cannot accept. These are the makers, not the takers, in Paul Ryan’s obscene formulation.

More.

It's been said that the Repugs are experts at having their cake and eating it too. I hope they choke on this one.

So long, Barney

Thanks to Slate.

Note to Barney: We'll miss ya, bud. We need more like you.

Here's a suggestion for something to do post-retirement: take all the Repug shit you've spoken out against, paint it white, and open a ski hill.

Update:

Crooks and Liars, video.

One of my news junkie pet peeves is how many of us go on a feeding frenzy of "why why why?" when anyone, especially of our own political stripe, leaves Congress voluntarily. Barney Frank was my congressman when I was a student at Brandeis. I love the guy, but I think when the guy is 71 he has a right to retire. (And I certainly wish John McCain, 75, and his older colleagues, SHOULD retire. I said so in 2010.) Congress is NOT a lifetime appointment.

That said, dang, we're gonna miss you, Barney.

Bootstraps ...

The new Tom Tomorrow toon.

Gonna miss Barney ...

But I don't think anyone should be in Congress for 30 years. As I've said many times here, Congress should be a calling, not a career. We'd solve a lot of this nation's problems with term limits on senators and congressmen.

Recall!

Nice to see the folks in Wisconsin doing so well in their recall efforts:

Wisconsin Democrats have made a huge announcement in their effort to recall Gov. Scott Walker. They say that in the first 12 days of the petition effort, up through this past Saturday night, they now claim to have collected over 300,000 signatures — more than halfway to the goal that they have 60 days total to meet.

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Once they throw this clown out of the state house, they should throw him in jail.

I couldn't resist...

Mrs. G spotted this. From 'comments' on this page at NASCAR.com:

someone should do a study on the health of nascar drivers for the last 20 years..sitting in a paint shaker for that long cant be good for the organs/brains not to mention the emissions

One reply:

I bet they get better checkups and more often than the ladies here in Nevada

Heh. If you wanta get yer paint shaken to the point of emissions from yer organs (maybe/maybe not brains), Nevada's the place to do it!

Oh, the working girls in Nevada get mandatory checkups once a week. Yer paint is safe.

The Crystal (Foot)Ball

Here's a glimpse of the future. Fixer discussing football with a Man U supporter in about thirty years. Heh. Story here.


Ya gotta hand it to those old farts! I hope I've still got that spirit when I'm their age. Which ain't that far off. Sigh.

Thus endeth Snark Monday.

In Positive Economic Sign, Walmart Customers Killing Each Other to Buy Shit

Borowitz

“We have been looking for evidence that the economy is on the mend,” said Davis Logsdon, chairman of the economics department at the University of Minnesota. “When people resort to homicide to buy a Blu-ray player, that is very, very good news indeed.”

Mr. Logsdon said he was “impressed” by the lengths to which some Walmart customers were going to grab coveted sale items: “They’re using tactics we usually associate with the UC-Davis police.”
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“If you want to get your hands on a doorbuster, you’d better have a firearm,” he said. “Fortunately, Walmart is offering several great doorbusters on firearms.”

Walmart and other retailers’ decision to commence their Black Friday sales a day early carries with it an added benefit for consumers, he noted: “Now, Americans will be able to declare bankruptcy one day earlier.”
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“Egyptians risk their lives for new government,” he said. “Americans bravely do the same for new flat screens.”

There is nothing I can add to that except this fuckin' nation has gone crazy. Blame it on the Repugs.

Throwaway Headline of the Day

Only 15 People Showed Up For Michele Bachmann's Book Signing Saturday

Homeless Iowans hoping there'd be snacks?

Go see a cute phototoon.

18 Newt Gingrich Quotes That Disqualify Him From Ever Being President

Addicting Info. Easiest piece in weeks to get quotes from.

2. “If the Soviet empire still existed, I’d be terrified. The fact is, we can afford a fairly ignorant presidency now.”
~Newt Gingrich, saying that it’s okay for the President to be ignorant.

How'd The Bush Years work out, Neutie? Disproved that one. Hell, if it was true let's cut to the chase and go right to Frothy Mixture.

3. “The idea that a congressman would be tainted by accepting money from private industry or private sources is essentially a socialist argument.”
~Newt Gingrich, arguing that it’s okay for politicians to be bought and paid for.

16 more of these jewels.

Goldman Sachs announces presidential run

May be satire. Salon.

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GOP consultant Mark McKinnon, who is not involved in the campaign but is familiar with its strategy, said the decision to hire Mr. Nugent to speak for Goldman Sachs was based on thousands of focus groups and polls that were conducted over the last several months. “The focus groups loved Ted because he’s seen as a guy who doesn’t read books and who likes to shoot things,” said Mr. McKinnon. “And they felt he was their best proof that evolution, an unpopular concept among Tea Party voters, is total bullshit.” According to Mr. McKinnon, Goldman Sachs paid for its $1 billion in market research with profits made by betting against the capacity of homeowners to pay back the subprime mortgages it sold to them between 2004 and 2008.
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Several public advocacy groups are already a considering a constitutional challenge to Goldman’s candidacy, arguing that the financial behomoth has — for all practical purposes — already been president for the last eight years and is therefore constitutionally barred from a third term. According to Mike Allen, chief White House correspondent for Politico, the investment bank is prepared for the legal challenge. “Last week they deployed all 12,498 of their lobbyists to Capitol Hill and have secured the votes for a historic piece of legislation,” said Mr. Allen. “The new law will allow Goldman Sachs – and only Goldman Sachs — to offer up to $100 million each to all nine Supreme Court justices.” A spokesman for Speaker John Boehner refused to comment.

Goldman Sachs is only the second corporation in American history to run for president. The first was former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney.

Oh, the irony...

Ironic Times

Survey: Employers Gradually Shifting Health Care Costs to Employees
And then laying them off.

Indian Politician Threatens Self-Immolation If Wal-Mart Accepts Invitation to Open Stores There
Will purchase gasoline, matches from mom and pop store.

If he does it on Black Friday, the other shoppers will stomp the fire out for him.

Survey: Fox News Viewers Know Less Than Those Who Watch No News at All
But more than Fox News anchors

Gingrich: Repeal Child Labor Laws
And while we're at it, rethink slavery.

The "Southern strategy".

Oops!

So much for that supply line:

Nato forces in Afghanistan are bracing for possible reprisals from Pakistani-backed insurgents following the coalition air strike along the border that killed 24 Pakistani soldiers.

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But Pakistani officers severed communications and Islamabad cut Isaf's two supply routes running through Pakistan.

It also gave the US two weeks to vacate the Shamsi airbase in Balochistan, which has been used to launch American drone aircraft.

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Personally, I don't give a fuck. The Paks have been playing both sides against the middle for 30 years. My whole problem is us being there in the first place.

Cleanup in Aisle 5 ...

Peace on Earth, goodwill to men:

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Family and friends were stunned by the loss of a West Virginia man who died while shopping on Black Friday as fellow bargain hunters reportedly walked around — and even over — the man’s body.

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That's the problem with this country; too many assholes in it.

"...nothing is more important to them than their hatred of Barack Obama"

File this one under "guarded sigh of relief".

The American Prospect

...with the Iowa caucus just six weeks away, it appears that there will be no grand battle between the establishment and the insurgents, the old guard and the new. There is no Tea Party candidate. Or more properly, there has been one Tea Party candidate after another; the party base's fickle affections have left Romney trudging merrily along, tortoise-style, as one far-right hare after another sprints a few yards, then falls exhausted to the ground. Besides Romney, this race has been led at one time or another by Donald Trump, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, and now Newt Gingrich. Each of those other candidates has become the Tea Party flavor of the moment, only to flame out spectacularly when they were revealed to be alarmingly radical, grossly incompetent, shockingly ignorant, or all three. In other words, the Tea Party has not exactly been picking winners. Which could well mean their influence over the GOP is beginning to wind down.

I will admit that the visual of their little bunny hearts exploding is kinda heartwarming. I was hoping for a "grand battle" though. One where the lone survivor died on the way to the battalion aid station.

When it's over—whoever wins—the Tea Party will no longer seem like such a dangerous beast that must be appeased. Republicans will look at the damage the Tea Party has done to the GOP's image—the debt-ceiling debacle, the promotion of ridiculous candidates like Bachmann and Cain—and be rather more hesitant to appease them. In fact, the best thing that could happen to them would be for Barack Obama to be re-elected. After all, the Tea Party is fundamentally a movement of opposition, all anger and resentment. It has shown itself quite clearly to have no interest in governing. And so, the Tea Party has a hard and fast expiration date: the first day of the next Republican presidency. On that day, it will become little more than a memory—one of a fascinating and significant episode in our political history, but a memory nonetheless.

A memory best consigned back to the bottle of brain bleach.