Look at it this way. Voting whitens your teeth, sweetens your breath and perks up your sex life. Voting is new and improved, stops the heartbreak of psoriasis and improves your gas mileage. Voting makes you feel virtuous, is your patriotic duty and entitles you, absolutely free, to four years of guilt-proof gritching about what's wrong with the country. Those who do not vote forfeit the right to complain.
Voting prevents underarm stains, ring-around-the-collar, carpet odor and dust bunnies. Exercising your franchise will firm and tone both your abs and your glutes, as well as lowering cholesterol and blood pressure. Casting your ballot makes that unsightly flab on your upper arms disappear, while toning the biceps. Using your suffrage takes weight off your thighs and makes you a more pleasant person all-around. There are countless recorded cases of people whose personalities improved dramatically after voting.
Voting improves your children's manners, renders your dog more obedient and prompts your spouse to take on more household chores. Also, voting is the only way to make political ads go away.
Boy, I feel and smell better already!
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