Thursday, March 23, 2006

Suite Jesus!

The Smoking Gun has the "Downtime Suite" requirements for an Under-a-rock Star:

After posting the performance contracts of artists like Bruce Springsteen, the Rolling Stones, and U2, The Smoking Gun has finally obtained the backstage demands of a real rock star. That's right, below you'll find a copy of Vice President Dick Cheney's standard "tour" rider.

And, of course, all the televisions need to be preset to the Fox News Channel (what, you thought he was a Lifetime devotee?).

Mrs. Cheney's H2O should be either Calistoga or, curiously, Perrier, a favored beverage of French terrorism appeasers.

So the "tuff" guy can't operate a thermostat or a TV remote by himself? Or is he just above it all? I'll bet he pisses in the sink anyway.

He should be glad I don't work at his hotel. Between the plugged-up plumbing, short-sheet job, TV permanently tuned to PBS, yellow ice, and the phone ringing every ten minutes all night long, I bet I'd have some fun!

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