Monday, July 3, 2006

The Pork Barrel Protection Act

Will Durst

With flags aflame across the nation, the time to protect other American icons is now

The pork barrel protection act So the Flag Desecration Amendment fell a single vote short of passing in the Senate. And all the liberals are celebrating way too long into the night if you ask me. I imagine the Republicans are laughing so hard right now, their drool guards are spilling over capacity. Because now, they get to bring it up again and again and accuse Democrats of dooming old glory to an ignominious fate over and over. The only problem is flags are so the-day-before-yesterday. Might as well be wearing patchouli scented elephant bells. There's a whole plethora of American icons in danger of being bespoilt that Republicans can exploit. Let's take a look, shall we?

# Cheeseburger Anti-Desecration Crusade. The only proper cheese on a cheeseburger is yellow. Either Wisconsin Cheddar or good 'ol American. That's it. You can take your Mexican Pepper Jack and your Baby Swiss and your French Gorgonzola and shred them where the sun don't shine. Like on a salad. And it's a butter grilled sesame seed bun, not sun dried tomato focaccia bread.

# Chocolate Simplification Act. It's chocolate for crum's sake. It don't get more basic than a Hershey Chocolate Bar. If it was good enough to for our brave boys in WW2, it should be good enough for those attention deficit rug rats of yours.

Many more, most of which you won't agree with any more than you did those two!

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