Uncle Reamus’ Historicals 101

Do yerself a favor and go read Jurassicpork. Liquid alert!

Just as all roads led to imperial Rome, so all wars relate to the War on Terror/Iraq. In the past, George "Uncle Reamus" Bush has compared the glorious occupation of Iraq's oil fields to the Second World War, the Revolutionary War, the Seven Days War, the Hundred Years War, the War of the Roses, the Spanish American War, the Boer War, the Battle of Hastings, the 1975 World Series between the Red Sox and the Reds, the divorce of Donald and Ivana Trump and the time he sat on his brother Jeb's head while they fought over a coquettish, teenaged Harriet Miers.

However, Uncle Reamus' favorite corollary war is the Revolutionary War. In his neverending quest to educate the dark, unwashed masses, our education/war president unites his two vocations and teaches less fortunate children in economically-depressed liberal school districts about war, specifically the startling similarities between our war of independence with the one we gave to formerly independent Iraq.

"I see other similarities between Iraq's war and the Revolutionary War, Mr. President."

"And what might they be?"

"The massacre at Fallujah and the Boston Massacre of 1770 are very similar in that the locals wanted the occupying army out and the soldiers shot and killed some of the locals. In both cases, the massacres helped inspire an insurgency, the colonists eventually getting rid of an insane tyrant named George."

Just go read...