Don't have sex. Gays are evil. Repress your urges. Close your legs. Quit asking questions.
Jesus loves Coors Light and large-caliber handguns. Iraq is packed like a Bieber concert with squealing nuclear warheads aimed straight at the Utah public school system. The homosexual agenda is alive and very, very real, and it wants to indoctrinate your children, steal your semen and organize your underwear drawer far, far too perfectly. Also, God is judging you. Right. This. Second.
This may be his best column yet. Go.