Wednesday, August 7, 2013

100 percent all natural lies

If it's Wednesday it must be Morford going on about food labelling and bottled water.

Here is all natural. Or rather, “all natural.” Here is this completely empty phrase/marketing ploy that has been in use for decades and which adorns hundreds of food products from here to peanut butter marshmallow bacon-wrapped blueberry graham cracker deep-fried microwave pizza colon bombs.

Once in a great while, someone will complain (read: sue) loudly enough, and a given company is forced to sigh an evil sigh and remove the words “all natural” from a particular label, given how the product is actually derived from old motor oil, pulverized cardboard and the tears of tortured migrant workers. You know, more or less.
"The tears of tortured migrant workers" can be found on the label as "sodium".

But maybe these lies are just a little bit important? After all, the wise ones tell us the simple truths are the most profound. It’s why we seek out “all natural” or drink water in the first place, because they’re supposedly pure, unspoiled, free of politicized bulls–t and corporate lies.

And when we find out they’re not, that we’ve been lied to and casually insulted for years and even decades, well, something cracks, and bitterness and cynicism sneak in. And baby, those are the most dangerous poisons of all.
Pah. In this political environment they are the stuff of life and nourishment for the soul.

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