Note to Fixer

Mrs. G read your 'porn' comment. When you come visit, my advice is to sleep with one eye open and yer hand over yer beboops. Heh.

How you know you failed a breathalyzer test

Going back through four days of emails, there was a buncha stuff from my pal Rknee.

Thanks to elfturtle.

Some great quotes:

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

- Eleanor Roosevelt
...

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

- Groucho Marx
...

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

- Alex Levine

And this one which once again proves itself as we speak:

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

- Will Rogers

This interesting photo:



I wonder how he turns the headlight on? Gives her some acid?

Saturday afternoon ...

Waiting for my dinner music blogging. One of mine and the Mrs. favorites. She likes it for the tune, I like it for the guitar:

Carlos Santana and Michelle Branch - Game of Love

Gibberish and Manure

Will Durst on the debt ceiling "Thelma and Louise's exciting ride" reenactment currently trying to get passed off as serious business on Capitol Hill. A 'must read'.

Right now, you could say we find ourselves philosophically constipated and at a bit of a standstill. You could also say that molten lava is hot. Here's what we know so far: The conservative wing of the Republican Party has stopped talking to Speaker of the House John Boehner. Boehner walked out on President Barack Obama. Probably weeping. Obama finds it impossible to even look at House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi. Pelosi puts her hands over her ears and makes "la-la-la" noises whenever she sees House Majority Leader Eric Cantor.

Cantor challenged Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid to a pugil-stick match in the stacks of Fort Knox. Reid can barely stand erect. The Tea Party won't stop shouting long enough to hear the sound of the oncoming financial train-wreck bearing down on us. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has advised Obama not to negotiate with terrorists. Boehner can't talk to the Tea Party until he finds someone on his staff who speaks gibberish. Calling the situation "bizarro," Arizona Sen. John McCain wandered down the hall looking for a wormhole to Mordor. And finally, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has taken to leaping out from under the hangers in the Senate Cloak Room, trying to scare the media.

On the 'baggers:

Their enigmatic intransigence has escalated even though they are aware their plan to eviscerate Medicare has less chance of passing a Democratically-controlled Senate than a poison dart frog has of co-starring with Angelina Jolie in a Jim Henson-produced remake of "Spartacus." Democrats need to avoid the slippery slope of entitlement slashing, due to the alarming frequency with which old people vote.

The Righter-than-Right's message is an update on the old "my way or the highway," coming more from the asphalt contractor's view. "My way or become part of the highway." The attack dogs are so wound up they're turning on their own leaders. Boehner had to scold his party to "get your a** in line." Of course, internal fears are they will then inadvertently form a tunnel.

The whole noisy lot of them continue to run around like chickens with their heads cut off, and that choice of fowl is anything but accidental. This is less the tail wagging the dog than the flea on the tip of the last hair on the tail wagging the whole Iditarod Kennel. And I hope that clear things up better than a dump truck full of fertilizing manure in a children's inflatable pool. But I doubt it.

The whole thing is made-up bullshit D-grade political theater. Our bills and obligations will be paid. It's in the Constitution, which the Teabaggers profess to love but are scared pissless to read because it may not say what they want it to.

I'm purely enjoying the whole thing, especially the part where the idjits the Teabaggers sent to Washington are showing themselves incapable of acting like representatives of the American people who pay them. Or maybe all too capable of giving Americans the government we deserve. I haven't quite got that one figured out yet. I'll wait for the Repugs' big death scene to decide. It's coming soon and thank you Jesus!

Addendum:

I'm beginning to think the Teabaggers are the biggest gift sane Americans have ever been given. More 'Agent Orange' to the Repuglican't par-tay than Boner ever thought of being. Heh.

Saturday Emmylou, Mary, and Sheryl Blogging

Emmylou Harris, Mary Chapin Carpenter & Sheryl Crow ~ Flesh And Blood

Thanks to Todaylight, Switzerland.

The Village ...

Is getting scared of the idiots.

Personally, I'm sick of this debt ceiling bullshit. The Republicans ginned up this crisis and drove the country to the edge of the cliff. Obama* could have headed this off months ago, and so could the Dems. At this point, I could give a shit. Whatever happens Tuesday will happen and we'll have to deal with the consequences, or not. They all suck.

Call me when they figure it out.

And I'll predict one thing right now. If the economy doesn't turn around in a big way, Obama ain't getting a second term. Not after this bullshit he ain't.

*All he would have had to say, as soon as the teabaggers made the first peep was "The debt ceiling is vital to our national security. I will veto anything but a clean bill." Think about it.

Don't pay the ransom! I escaped!

Actually, I paid the ransom on my laptop and I'm up and running. It had a coupla garden-variety viruses, mostly fulla dirt that caused an overheating problem that corrupted a buncha shit. Seems OK now.

The desktop has a 'root kit' virus and it'll be back next week. Hopefully. The tech says it's the worst he's ever seen. He told me that DOJ says a quarter of a million computers have been infected with this particular virus. Why me? Just lucky I guess. The tech blames the Russian Mafia. ¿Quien sabe?

The tech worked his ass off to get this back to me before the weekend and I picked it up at 9PM over at Tahoe Tech Group. Go give 'em a 'like' at FB. Thank you Nathaniel.

I'm too tired to even do Emmylou tonight. Later.

We're number ...

Uh ... um .. 37!

Pic stolen from here.

Click for the full mediocrity.

Can't fix stupid ...

We have our share of Mensa members around here too. Big dumbass:

Hey, look at this, Facebook is good for not only taunting the federal authorities trying to arrest you, it's also good for them to succeed in catching you! The Daily News reports that U.S. Marshals arrested Victor Burgos, 29, who was wanted upstate "on multiple arrest warrants for domestic violence and harassment of his ex-girlfriend" after he posted this message on Facebook: "Catch me if you can, I'm in Brooklyn."

...

I wonder if he needs a smart phone app to tell him when to breathe?

Is beautiful place ...

Some of world's greatest writers make visit. Not even call it "gulag" anymore:

...

Former staff at the News of the World are understood to be underwhelmed by efforts by News International to find them work after they were handed a list of potential jobs which included posts in Siberia, Russia and Dubai.

Some former News of the World journalists said that former News International chief executive Rebekah Brooks' promise that as many staff as possible would be redeployed is proving an empty gesture as the vast majority of the alternative jobs being discussed are either non-editorial or entail a move abroad.

...

Siberia is vacation spot. Also has latest in Soviet-style dissident housing ski resorts. Do not believe Capitalist propaganda. [/cheesy Russian accent]

Great thanks to Fez for the link.

Quote of the Day

Digby:

...

I keep hearing that the Tea partiers are radicals and anarchists, as if they are some kind of intellectual force to be reckoned with. But there's no there there. They are simpletons, drunk with power, who in their zeal to serve their masters have decided to burn all the crops in order to save on watering costs.

That's about it. Welcome to 21st Century America; the Land of the Simple and home of the Ignorant.

Christ ...

Bloody whiners:

Controversial anti-gay preacher Bradlee Dean is sick of the "left-wing" media's attacks against him, so he's decided to do something about it.

Dean and his ministry, You Can Run But You Cannot Hide, are suing Rachel Maddow and MSNBC for slander and false light, seeking damages in excess of $50 million.

...

I think we should get like the Germans and have "religions" prove they are really a religion and not a cult. We wouldn't have as many nuts running around.

They're already ...

Shaking the government down for farm subsidies, now her "pray away the gay" old man is nickel and diming for bogus travel expenses:

Kneeling for salvation expert MARCUS BACHMANN is in the news again, but not for praying away the gay. It seems that Marcus turned in a campaign reimbursement expense report that is, um, questionable:

...

Seems like everything about the Bachmanns is questionable.

USA! USA!

Ha-ha!

Neuticles steps on his dick once again:

...

"A lot of what you're talking about is about taking America back to America," the ABC News producer explained. "We asked for T-shirts to be sent to us and they were made in America. I just picked up that one and it was made in El Salvador."

"Uh-huh," a stunned Gingrich replied.

"It was a big thing when we talked to your campaign about how you wanted things to be made in America," the producer continued. "Do you have plans to change things?"

...

Yeah, your patriotism runs about as deep as your commitments to your women. Twat.

I found Gordon!

Or at least, he found me ... sorta. I was getting worried about the old codger because he hasn't been posting or commenting for the last couple days, not a peep. Since, for the last 7 years he's never been at a loss for words here, I was gonna zap an email over to him if I hadn't heard from him by tonight.

Well, I just got done mowing the lawn and noticed my phone was beeping the "charge the fucking battery, idiot" tone (which I didn't hear over the engine), so I pulled it out and saw I had a voice message. What I got (my battery died mid-call) is he's got a malware problem in both his desktop and his laptop and they're in the shop. We'll hear from him (I'm sure, heh ...) as soon as he has one, or both of them running again.

Meantime, like the dogs (the Mrs. is in Gord's neck of the woods on business), you're stuck with my ass.

Oh, and hey Gord, tell Mrs. G to quit going to them porn sites so she don't get no more viruses. Heh ...

Basic fuckups ...

I did a post on my football (soccer) blog regarding the MLS All Star Game last night. The state of American football, with regard to the rest of the world, is about the same as our politics. Everybody looks at us as either incompetent, foolish, or fuckups. To wit, the Rude One has some examples of articles regarding our current political situation from across the world:

Hey, gang, at the end of what will be known as our waning salad days, let's check out what editorials from around the world are saying about our fucktarded debt ceiling debate (also known as "That Time the GOP Destroyed the World's Economy and Unleashed the Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse") to see if we can learn anything by viewing ourselves through the eyes of others (here's a hint: we're pretty goddamned dumb):

...

Those who believe in "American exceptionalism" think that the world's opinion of us doesn't matter, that we know and do best in all things. That worked when others used to look up to us. Now they see us as a ship of fools.

Robert Plant - Ship of Fools

Could somebody please tell me ...

Why I woke up with this going through my head:

O Canada

Say what you will ...

About John "Grandpa Walnuts" McCain, the man can read the writing on the political wall before most others notice and change his position accordingly. Using the "McCainometer", this debt ceiling bullshit is going to be the death knell of the Tea Party:

So the debt limit debate has come to this: John McCain, who you may recall was the GOP’s 2008 standard bearer, is now openly accusing conservatives of actively misleading America with their completely unrealistic demands, which he labeled “deceiving” and “bizarro.”

...

He's already throwing them under the bus. Grandpa wants to survive this mess and he's chosen sides. Let's see if he made the correct one.

The result ...

After 30 years, the Republicans are about to get what they set their minds to back then. D-cap:

It took 30 years and 204 days, but on Tuesday August 2, 2011 the fruits of the Reagan Tree of Life will finally have reached its peak when the over-ripened, low-hanging, worm-filled Reagapples will begin to pound the ground, not with sweetened blossoms, but with a dead thud. 30 years and 204 days of belittling and ignoring the American education system, calling ketchup a vegetable, telling us trees cause pollution, cutting taxes to create trickled-down imaginary jobs (OK there are a few more maids and gardeners) and teaching Americans that they could have everything they want and it will cost nothing - the Teadras educated Republican party is willing to take the ultimate bet and tell the piper (or croupier) this time to shove it.

...

Somehow, I don't think the Republicans of Reagan's time would have envisioned this eventuality.

So much for "Morning in America".

Move his cot ...

From the Green Room to the alley. Professor Myers:

...

But that doesn't matter. The fact that Pat Buchanan would find common cause with a psychopathic coward [the Oslo killer], a vile creature who dressed in a police uniform and promised young people assistance as he gathered them together before gunning them down, is fact enough to discredit him. When will the media wake up and stop paying the fascist bigot to play pundit on TV?

The sad part is, many Americans agree with him.