Frisco Jon Offers To Sell Out Liberals

Jon Carroll of the EssEff Chron has a few things to say about the new Bush-blowing trend of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting.

So now it turns out the Kenneth Y. Tomlinson, the new chairman of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, hired a researcher in Indiana to document the liberal leanings of the television program "Now" with Bill Moyers. Tomlinson, it may be remembered, is currently trying to make public television "fair and balanced" by hiring Republican hacks to fill every position he controls.

This unnamed researcher classified as "liberal" an appearance by Sen. Chuck Hagel, a Republican from Nebraska who has a strong conservative voting record but a certain mistrust of the administration's reasons for invading Iraq. Also "liberal" was a program on wasteful spending at the Pentagon. There was a time when the profligate spending by big government was a major conservative issue, but no more. In order to find real conservatives, you have to wander over to the libertarian party.

I've decided to cut out the middle man. The White House is always looking for liberal bias in the news media, and I can help them find it. I can monitor my own column, and write detailed reports about the bias therein. For an extra 20 grand, I would testify before a Senate committee against myself, revealing my long record of liberal opinions. Whatever the Bush administration is seeking to prove, it can prove it by me.

I could tailor my bias to the crisis of the moment. Does the administration believe that liberals hate America? I could hate America. "Oh, darn you America with your bombing of Iraqi villages and your coddling of Pakistani warlords! Darn you with your pretending that opium-growing is no longer a problem in Afghanistan. Gosh darn you to heck for using fossil fuels at a suicidal rate and befouling the atmosphere and ... " is that enough?

I realize that I have missed out on the booming market in sniffing out liberalism. As a liberal myself, I can track other liberals to their lairs and, using my powers of disassembling, discover their dirty secrets.

Good goin', Jon. I'm sure we all want to know the dirt on Big Bird and why Mr. Rogers really left PBS, too.