Wednesday, October 6, 2010

You want the good news, or the bad news?

If it's Wednesday, it must be Morford with good news/bad news and the yin and yang of the usual yingyangs.

Which will it be? How do you want to spin it? Can you even tell the difference? Let us ponder...

Bad news: But not here. Every single one of the tiny-brained Republicans on the mid-term election sheet this very year are full-blown, moron-grade climate change deniers, rejecting any notion that humble little man and his seven billion voracious frogspawn has had any real, lasting effect on planetary ecosystems.

Should these GOP lugnuts get into power, expect obscene amounts of push-back against any significant environmental legislation, much fellating of Big Energy and the intellectually constipated Tea Party, lots of new muttering about nuclear power, oil exploration and how the severity of the BP spill was way overblown by the "liberal media elite."

That gave me a disturbing yet heartwarming visual involving the words "fellating" and "constipated Tea Party". If the fellator was to reverse the direction of the air flow to the fellatee, or to misquote Lauren Bacall, "just pucker up and blow", there'd be so much shit fly out of the teabaggers they'd cease to exist!

But I digress...

Mark's next two paragraphs manage to tamp damn near every misconception/lie about weed into a nice neat brick. Kudos, me lad!

Good news! Support for Prop 19, which would legalize the cultivation, possession, taxation and general daily wanton sucking down of marijuana, has flipped right on over like a fine hash pancake, and now hovers around 52 percent positive, potentially set to become the first major shift of its kind in the nation, igniting debate, freaking out the squares, and potentially sending a great many teens into fits of murderous megafreakout madness.

Bad news: Everyone knows legal pot is a gateway drug to, say, more sluggish sperm, pastier skin and very poor hairstyle choices as millions of Californians will never go outside and will choose instead to sit on the couch all day eating Fruit Rollups and watching Oprah and The Cartoon Network and and not getting a goddamn job.

Half the fun of gettin' high is going places and doing things. That "Bad News" bit is more about right-wing bloggers. Heh.

Eternal factoid of human existence: The less you know, the more likely you are to be fearful, cling to God and gun and fantasy. Hey, it says so in the Bible.

Must be true, then. Much more.

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