Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Nine amazing truths you already suspected

If it's Wednesday it's Morford going off on the gun nuts and others.

The NRA is the new Christian right

Remember that shrill, fundamentalist, God-fearing, adorably insane Christian coalition that somehow elected Bush to two miserable terms, then self-imolated in a cavalcade of confusion and homophobia? Behold, it hath re-emerged! It is now tinier, angrier, far more paranoid, licks AR-15 semi-automatics like popsicles and gathers itself into sweltering Texas convention centers packed like canned lard with panicky, overweight white guys who cheer Glenn Beck’s sweaty tears and give standing ovations to Sarah Palin. Welcome back, right-wing fearclumps! My how you’ve shrunk. And God, you look awful.

The NRA is also a twitchy clown car of paranoia and failure

This much we know: Any event where Sarah Palin still gets a standing ovation, where not a single respected celebrity, politician, spiritual leader or intellectual pundit would ever dare show his face, where they want to arm children and compare Michael Bloomberg to a Nazi, these are surefire signs you’re among the most lost and desperate in America.

Yes, the NRA still has a ridiculously powerful lobby in Washington D.C. So does the high fructose corn syrup lobby. Did you see the photos from the big convention in Houston? Glenn Beck holding up a rifle? Wayne LaPierre’s mouth contorting in manic anguish? This is the army of the insane and the paranoid, the least compassionate the country has to offer. Sorry, Newtown kids; they hate you most of all.

George W. Bush is a sad, awkward loser

George W. Bush is, in short, a shameful footnote, sad and strange and sort of awful. The Republican party – for whom, if they’re honest, George W. Bush remains their truest and most accurate representative – should be proud.

There's more, including how Google Glasses are guaranteed to NOT get you laid. Heh. Enjoy.

No comments: