Tuesday, July 16, 2013

The Sepia-Toned Sansabelt-Slacks Coal-Powered Buggy-Whipped Daguerreotype Party

Will Durst

They say one sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Which means it can't be long before the entire Republican Party is institutionalized for their own safety shuffling around in shabby bathrobes popping a daily regimen of psychotropic pills in miniature Dixie Cups. Falling asleep during games of checkers. Which, admittedly, is redundant.

The contraction of the party into a hard white stone nugget the size of a peach pit is almost complete. Inclusion? Heresy! Generosity? Hah, we spit on your generosity! And fie on your benevolence. Compassion? Grace? Sympathy? Tolerance? More liberal plots solely designed to destroy the lives of decent God- fearing people. Just like science and education and the EPA.

These guys have assumed multiple positions so far on the wrong side of history they probably see dinosaurs chewing on extinct ferns in their back yards. Going to end up with La Brea tar pit fossils as their only friends. Their theme song- straight from the movie "Horsefeathers," by Groucho Marx "Whatever it is, I'm against it." Should really adopt the Wooly Mammoth to replace the elephant as their mascot. Maybe the Dodo Bird.

One fact never addressed, their record- not really one to write home about. Unless your home is on Failure Avenue. Stubborn Street. Recalcitrant Road. Cantankerous Court. Wayward Way. Think about it. Conservatives have opposed every, single, major advancement in human rights over the last 200 years. Freeing the slaves. Women getting the vote. Minimum wage. Child labor laws. Medicare. Social Security. ObamaCare. Miniskirts. Arugula. Jazz.

So that's their back- to- the- future track. Morphing into the modern equivalent of the Whig Party. The sepia- toned, Sansabelt- slacks wearing, Tin Pan Alley listening, rabbit- ears adjusting, blacksmithing, coal- powered, buggy- whipped, daguerreotype party. Sitting all by themselves in an outhouse with a Sears catalogue and black and white dreams of separate but equal water fountains as only their companions.
Funny, but it'd be a lot funnier if the Repugs weren't fucking the country up so bad.


Anonymous said...

Why should they change when they still get what they want? Repubs have all but shut down the federal gov't and they control several key states now. They will likely take the senate back next year (Nate Silver) and I see no sign that the alliance between the rich,the bigots, and the blue dogs will end anytime soon.
It won't get better soon, and it may get very bad.

Gordon said...

I think Nate Silver's figures are off. I hope so.