I wanna be your exorcist

If it's Wednesday, it must be Morford.

Attention college grads! Economy driving you to despair? Prospects feeling hopeless? Job market endlessly bleak? Ready to move back in with your exhausted parents and play WoW 18 hours a day and lose yourself in Facebook and not have sex for five years?

Fear not, young seeker. Fresh job opportunities abound, if you know where to look.

That's right, the Vatican is hiring!

...the Vatican needs exorcists.

Really, is it not the height of wicked and delicious irony? Is it not sort of easy to point out that, while some people are very much susceptible to various vile and/or oppressive demons, cults and sects, the church, with its deeply embedded homophobia, sexual dread, misogyny, fondness for pedophilia and cover-up, falls squarely into that exact category? More directly: Doesn't the church often represent just the sort of savagely manipulative demon it seeks to expunge? Why, of course it does.

Gee, sounds like the House of Representatives. Rumor has it they tried to get an exorcist of their own but the Tea-possessed put the kibosh on it. The tribal memory runs strong in them still and they'd much rather be the accusers than the accused. Like last time.

Call me ...

Leonardo.

I got a buncha painting to do over at dad-in-law's over the next couple days but I'll be back in the early afternoons. We're setting up a new room for the overnight aide so he can keep a closer eye on the old man. Lately, when he's having a bad night, he thinks he's somewhere else and tries to "get home". He weasels himself out of bed (I put bed rails up to make it harder but he scoots out the foot of the bed) and starts packing a suitcase.

I tell ya something. After seeing a once intelligent man go down hill like this (he worked in the NYC Comptroller's Office yet now he can't do simple math), I hope, if I am unfortunate enough to get Alzheimer's, somebody leaves a loaded pistol somewhere within my reach. It's a horrible disease.

Later ...

Penthouse to the pavement ...

In one easy step.

Regardless of how poorly used they've been in the past decade, our troops are still the best trained and skilled armed forces in the world. Looks like that won't be the case much longer. Our pal Comrade Misfit explains:

No more "do your 20 and retire". The Feds will pay into a 401(K) and then when a service member leaves, they have to wait until they are 62 to collect.

Which means that after getting shot at for X number of years and then leaving, good luck to you. Maybe your 401(K) won't be wiped out in the markets.

...

You're gonna lose a lot of senior enlisted because of this (it'd probably be a good thing to lose a good portion of the senior ass kissing officer corps) and we all know what happens when you lose your good SGTs. There is no one to teach the young'uns the right way to do things and baby-sit the officers. Gonna end up with a buncha rock-throwers in 10 years.

Assholes.

Though in my master plan ...

The US Navy would make sure none of them came back:

Pay Pal founder and early Facebook investor Peter Thiel has given $1.25 million to an initiative to create floating libertarian countries in international waters, according to a profile of the billionaire in Details magazine.

Thiel has been a big backer of the Seasteading Institute, which seeks to build sovereign nations on oil rig-like platforms to occupy waters beyond the reach of law-of-the-sea treaties. The idea is for these countries to start from scratch--free from the laws, regulations, and moral codes of any existing place. Details says the experiment would be "a kind of floating petri dish for implementing policies that libertarians, stymied by indifference at the voting booths, have been unable to advance: no welfare, looser building codes, no minimum wage, and few restrictions on weapons."

...

Go. Go fast, go far, go soon.

Great thanks to Susie for the link.

Told ya ...

They'd get promoted:

Three supervisors who ran Operation Fast and Furious, the program which allowed at least 2,000 semiautomatic weapons to be illegally trafficked over the border into Mexico, have been promoted by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF).

...

Everybody involved in that deal should be wearing orange jumpsuits not $1000 suits and collecting 6 figures. What a country. If you're an idiot, you get promoted. If you stand on your rights, you go to Gitmo.

Now she's done it...

CNN via TPM:

(CNN)-Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann stepped all over Elvis Presley's blue suede shoes while stumping Tuesday, when she mistakenly wished "The King" a "Happy Birthday."

August 16 actually marks the 34th anniversary of Presley's death.

Bachmann's toast. This is the biggest gaffe she's made! The King being found dead on the shitter is the cultural event best known to her followers after the Jews nailing the white Jesus to the cross! They aspire to it "jus' lak Evis".

Frank Rich and Adam Moss Discuss the Kickoff of the GOP Soap Opera

NYMag. Go see the photo. Crazy Eyes forgot her corn dog.

Adam: [...] First question: Are corporations really people?

Frank: Hi Adam. Of course they are! They reach out and touch someone, bring good things to life, and bestow two-day erections. [...]

Frank: Given Bachmann's homophobia, Anita Bryant may be due for a comeback too.
...

Otherwise, my favorite moments involved the sure losers — Cain, who seems like a genuine jackass, and little Ricky Santorum, the annoying younger brother in a fifties sitcom whose only credential for being president of the United States is his own complete and utter lack of self-awareness.

More.

3-Ring Circus

Thanks to YubaNet.

Rove Slaps Rick Perry: Distancing Yourself From Bush ‘Is Not Smart Politics'

Think Progress

Attempting to subtly distance himself from the unpopular Bush, Perry said yesterday, “Our records are quite different. … I went to Texas A&M. He went to Yale.” Even this very mild distancing of Bush was too much for former Bush “architect” Karl Rove.

On Fox News this morning, Rove complained that Perry is trying to contrast himself with Bush “in a way that’s dismissive of the former president,” adding “now, why one would do that, I don’t know.” (Bush left office with an approval rating of 22 percent.)

Rove then argued that Perry and Bush are actually quite close:

[In 1998, Bush] moved heaven and earth to get Rick Perry elected as his running mate. … I know from the perspective of the former president that he has a cordial, personal strong friendship of nearly two decades with the governor. I think that’s true of the governor too. But why he falls into this pattern of sounding like he’s being dismissive of the former president is not smart politics strategically or tactically.

Host Martha MacCallum observed, “It sounds like you feel like he’s been ungrateful to the Bushes.” Watch it:

Watch it if you must.

It's a well-known fact that the Bushtards don't like Perry. Comparing him closely to Bush is all they got to try to keep him from being nominated.

The turkey slapfest between the money wing and the batcrap crazy wing is entertaining as all getout. Perry combines them both into one and pisses off and/or scares both sides.

Update:

Turdblossom's piling on Goodhair for other stuff too. Seems to me that the Repug establishment piggies are scared to death of him.

Headline of the Day

Fox News falls for Islamic ban on padded bras hoax

Watch for F**Noise to redouble its effort to get a Constitutional amendment to ban Sharia law. If their bimbos can't wear padded bras, old white men will start to get their propaganda with their pants pulled up and ratings will suffer.

An imbalance of assholery ...

See, that's our problem. All the assholes in this country have become Republicans:

...

So, basically, every time I read a story that sobs about the loss of the good old days when the Dems and Republicans got along so well, I think to myself that the author wants us to bring all the racists and fundamentalists back into the fold of the Democratic Party for the good of the country.

The problem this country faces is not complicated. We have way, way too many assholes living here. Someone should come up with a whole legislative program aimed at reducing the levels of assholery.

...

Might put some Americans back to work too.

Hey ...

What's that big yellow thing in the sky?

Would you pay ...

Almost a hunnert bucks to go to this thing and come home with physical evidence that you actually did go?

Nostalgia act Snowbilly Sarah and The Grifters will be teaming up with The Man Too Crazy For Fox for a Very Special One Time Performance That You Can Tell You Grandchildren About Right Before They Place A Pillow Gently But Firmly Over Your Face. Called Defending The Republic, and sponsored by St. Louis radio station NewsTalk 97.1 as well as Hansen’s Tree Service (I shit you not), this is an event you won’t want to miss if only for the chance at a $77 commemorative t-shirt:

...

They couldn't pay me to go, even if they throw in a free t-shirt.

Twice as stupid ...

As the last Texan in the White House, but with the same people making his lips move. Digby:

... The experts that [Texas Governor and presidential candidate Rick Perry] has reached out to include former Undersecretary of Defense for Policy Doug Feith, former NSC strategy guru William Luti, former Assistant U.S. Attorney and National Review columnist Andrew McCarthy, former Pentagon official Charles "Cully" Stimson, former Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense for Europe Daniel Fata, former Pentagon China official Dan Blumenthal, the Heritage Foundation's Asia expert Peter Brookes, and former U.S. Ambassador to Afghanistan Zalmay Khalizad.

Politico reported that Donald Rumsfeld helped Perry set up the initial meeting with Feith, Luti, McCarthy, and Fata (Stimson was invited but couldn't attend), but there have been several more since then and the Perry team is continuing to fly in experts to meet with the governor in Texas.

...

Do we really need a dumber version of George W. Bush (along with his cast of war criminals) in the White House?

Seriously?

Really? After the Bachmann pics? Seriously?

Thank you; thank you very much ...

A bond trader thanks the Tea Party for making him money:

As a long-time bond bull, my gratitude to the know-nothings in the Tea Party is profound.

So what if they played a major role in taking a thousand points off the stock market in the wake of the U.S. debt downgrade?

My bonds have rallied !!

...

How stupid and reckless is the Tea Party? In addition to shrugging off a default threat – or perhaps welcoming one – they believe austerity is the correct medicine for a weak economy!! Where did they study economics, in a cornfield outhouse??

It defies belief that Tea Party members actually think spending cuts will create jobs. No – spending cuts will eliminate jobs. The Know-Nothings don’t understand that, but hey — it’s good for my bonds !! [em in orig]

...

Always knew somebody would make money off it. I always wonder if the average Teabagger even understands what they've enabled to be done to this country. I wonder if any of them get how they've been duped and used as willing idiots to make the "elites" - who they say they despise so much - richer. I wonder if these self-proclaimed "patriots" (you'll see them at the link) realize what treasonous bastards they've become.

Great thanks to Mr. Aravosis for the link.

Michele Bachmann is worried about the Renaissance

From the Entertainment section of the LATimes:

It's the Renaissance, stupid.

The economy is not what ails us today. No, what ails Americans is what Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo and their artistic spawn have wrought in the culture, starting 500 years ago. The Renaissance has dragged us all down.

Tea party queen and Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann is convinced that America is sinking into tyranny. Why? In a remarkable profile of the candidate appearing in the Aug. 15 issue of the New Yorker magazine, the artistic flowering of the Italian Renaissance takes a beating for having done away with the god-fearing Dark Ages.

Bachmann "belongs to a generation of Christian conservatives whose views have been shaped by institutions, tracts, and leaders not commonly known to secular Americans, or even to most Christians," [...]

No shit. Perhaps we should elect her just to see how far back it's possible to regress.

California Democratic Party May Dump Its Progressive Caucus for Proposing a Primary Challenge to Obama

War Is A Crime.org, formerly AfterDowningStreet.

Go read the resolution.

PS: You can help primary Obama here: http://stophoping.org

Any bets an Obama primary challenge will happen?

Suck, Marcus, blow's just an expression...

The Rude Pundit follows up on Fixer's post:

Here's some things the Rude Pundit believes Minnesota's non-quitter was thinking as she went down on some carny dong:

1. "Oh, God, it's been so long."
2. "This tastes better than Sean Hannity."
3. "Wait, you mean it's just a hot dog?"
4. "I can take a bigger one than Rick Perry."
5. "This won't look bad at all."

Of course, if there's tube meat available, Bachmann's not-at-all-gay, anti-gay, gay-curing husband Marcus will be close by. He got a corn dog facial, too, with the congresswoman making him take it, take it all. Look at him:

You look at him...

Obviously he was thinking:

1. "Pray it away, pray it away, pray it away..."
2. "Well, if I just put the tip in, it won't look like I like it."
3. "Is it okay if I touch it, just a little, with my fingers gently caressing the smooth shaft before it hits my tongue and fills my mouth, oh, god, oh, Jesus, this feels amazing...no, no, stop it, bad thoughts. I'll have to whip myself later."
4. "Maybe if I show that I think it's yucky, people will stop talking."
5. "Oh, Michele, it's just...you."

My comment on Fixer's post was that the symbolism of this might have gone right over their heads since their house is probably not a blow job-rich environment. I'll amend that to say "not when Michelle's home". Heh.

Oh, the irony...

Ironic Times

POLLS
70% Don't Trust Government
Prefer to build their own highways, bridges.

Bipartisan Supercommittee Gets to Work
First task: decide between tag team format or cage match.

I'll go for the cage match in Speedos. They're not going to do anything anyway so it might as well be creepily entertaining.

Texas Plant to Turn Sewage into Drinking Water
Most agree: a good thing, for somebody else.

All they have to do is reverse the flow. They've been turning drinking water into sewage for years.

Real Madrid Signs 7-Year-Old Soccer Prodigy
To one-year contract.

Pro sports'd have to find two child prodigies for NASCAR - one to sit on phone books and steer and one to work the pedals.