Dick Cheney rolls in his grave

Yeah, it got my hopes up too, damn you Morford! A 'recommended read'. Belay that. A 'must read'.

Of course, he's not actually dead. He just wishes you were

(Author note: From here on out, the phrase "Dick Cheney" shall hereby refer not merely to the former vice-president himself, but also to the sour, clenched worldview he so perfectly encapsulated and still so lovingly represents.

Dick Cheney is a lexical wonder. He can be a violent action verb: "Dude I just Dick Cheney'd that squirrel with my F-150." He is a dark intention: "Let's pull a Dick Cheney on that queer kid in the locker room." He is, most of all, a state of being, a mindset, a fixed position of general disgust. "Sorry lady, I can't save you from this burning building. I'm far too Dick Cheney to give a damn." Clear? Excellent. Let's continue).

Who the hell wants to be known for demonstrating peaceful, effective humanitarianism and calm diplomacy, and saving human lives if it makes us look like a bunch of weak-kneed pansies? Where is the glory? Where's the firepower? Image is everything. Strut the plumage. Carry the biggest stick. In Cheneyland, sneering intimidation is not only useful, it's vital. There is nothing else.

Or maybe not. Maybe the Obama Way is already turning out to be far more effective, more subtle and intriguing, and much more in America's favor, as tyrannical psychopaths like Kim Jong Il are stupefied into compliance by even the pretense of being taken seriously by the Great Satan, and sane world leaders across the globe finally see a country they can deal with intelligently on pressing matters instead of merely joining them at the gun range to blast stuff to hell.

You might say Dick is not pleased. In fact, Dick Cheney -- and the entire hawkish, antagonistic worldview he embodies -- is downright furious at this country's dangerous new direction. Which, in its way, just might be the best news I've heard all year.

Yep.