Saturday, February 25, 2012

A Woman's Womb: America's New Sports Arena

My first thought when I saw that was "boy, this is gonna be a helluvan arena-naming contest!"

Connie Schultz reads the riot act to Santorum and the gang of Old White Men who think they know best how to run our nation's lady parts.

In advance, I apologize to my grown kids for what might be, for them, an embarrassing discussion about their mother's sex life and contraception.

Embarrassing discussion about their mother's sex life and contraception follows. Very personal and very interesting.

Then she shifts gears and ends with this:

I wonder whether there's an easier way to snip in the bud this manly urge to control women's bodies. What if -- and I'm just brainstorming here -- we required every man seeking that little pill for erectile dysfunction to watch a Viagra video.

Have you seen that list of that drug's potential side effects? Yowsa. Headache, face flushes, upset stomach. Maybe blurred vision, too. That's not even the whammo list of rare side effects: heart attack, stroke, irregular heartbeats and death.

I can't help but think we could deter a lot of this unnecessary sex with a mandatory Viagra video. Red-faced guys grabbing their chests in a swirl of Vera Wang sheets. Guys dangling their heads over the side of the bed to hurl. At the end, the camera slowly zooms in on the way-too-young girlfriend, her long tresses blowing in the wind as she sobs at graveside.

Surely, this additional information would inspire men across America to swear off sex and take up mah-jongg.

Just as surely, I would become Queen Constancia, empress ruler of Freedonia.

They're tired of playing mah-jongg. That's why they take the Viagra. So they can play with themselves. What's a little heart attack, stroke, irregular heartbeats and death compared to that?

5 comments:

Fixer said...

Headache, face flushes, upset stomach. Maybe blurred vision, too. That's not even the whammo list of rare side effects: heart attack, stroke, irregular heartbeats and death.

But I got a 4 hour hard on!!!!!

Gordon said...

That'd look great on a tombstone! Heh.

JEG43 said...

Heh, indeed. Good one, Gordon!
I sure hope America's women remember all this shit come November.

Gordon said...

I hope so too.

Anonymous said...

http://site.ru - [url=http://site.ru]site[/url] site
site