Thursday, July 7, 2011

NYC traffic ...

Nothing like 5 1/2 hours on the road for an 80 mile round trip (my house to the West Side Piers and back). I'm thankful for all the tourists in Manhattan, stimulating our economy, but did you all have to fucking drive here?

A note: If you're from Mississippi, Alabama, Wyoming, Nebraska, or any one of those other states that have less people than NYC itself, maybe you shouldn't attempt to drive in Manhattan. There's an excellent mass transit system below your feet that will save you (getting a talking to by a traffic cop in addition to a ticket that will lighten your wallet considerably, after being bombarded by car horns for 6 blocks because you're clueless), and those of us who do know how to drive in there, a lot of hassle.

6 comments:

Gordon said...

Sometimes I see the NYC traffic on TV and I wonder "why?" Downtown L.A. and EssEff have traffic too, but nothing like that!

The last time I went through Frisco I was never so glad to be on a bus in my life!

BadTux said...

But... but... Fixer... *THOSE* people use mass transit! You know, THOSE people? Who aren't good god-fearin' Midwestern WHITE people like *real* people? Everybody from Kansas knows that if they descend into a NYC subway, it's like descending into the gates of Hell itself, because they'll be mugged, skinned, and barbecued over a fire within minutes!

I already mentioned the time I took one of these good god-fearin' types to San Francisco and he almost had a freakout about using mass transit. He insisted that this neighborhood of million-dollar homes *had* to be a bad neighborhood because there were brown-skinned people (well, he said "suspicious-looking people" but "brown-skinned" was what he meant) walking up and down the sidewalks. No, I'm *NOT* kidding!

- Badtux the Heard-it Penguin

BadTux said...

Oh yeah, Gordo, don't use the word "Frisco" in San Francisco, it immediately marks you as a heathen who is not fit to visit their fair city and the quality of service you receive will immediately drop into the cellar. Everybody knows it's either "San Francisco" (full word) or "The City" (two words, capitalized) :).

- Badtux the Bay Area Penguin

Gordon said...

I call it Frisco all the time just to piss 'em off as payback for the way the act up here. I also use the word "Bayarrhea" for "Bay Area". Buncha fuckin' noses-in-the-air snobs.

Fixer said...

... *THOSE* people use mass transit! You know, THOSE people? ...

Ya see more of "those people" walking the street than on the subway. I love the looks on the tourists when they see a woman in a burqa walking next to a girl in a bikini wearing stiletto heels, or a Hasidic Jew in animated conversation with a Sikh in the full kit. Blows 'em out the water.

BadTux said...

Ah, but you're thinking like a New Yorker. See, in Flyover America, all good God-fearin' white folk drive cars. The only people who use mass transit are the homeless, and the poorest of the poor ghetto dwellers, and the only people who actually are on sidewalks are drug dealers selling bad things, because good God-fearin' white folk drive everywhere, even two blocks down the street to the 7-11 to get a quart of milk, heck most of their streets don't even *have* sidewalks 'cause everybody in Kansas knows that sidewalks attract undesirables. So if that's what Kansas Joe is seein' on the streets when he visits NYC, you can only imagine the horrors he believes are *below* the streets in the subway tunnels, yo!

- Badtux the Heartland Penguin