Monday, May 7, 2007

Top Ten Lowlights of the GOP Debate

Don Davis

Hey, Chris Matthews, if this is the "Daddy Party," wouldn't we be better off as orphans?

10. Sam Brownback: "I'm from the theological wing of the theological party."

9. John McCain: "I'll get Osama even if I have to follow him to the gates of hell, or even worse, to the central market in Baghdad."

8. Mike Huckabee: "As the formerly fat man of faith, who's now the svelte man of faith, I'm guided by one question: 'What Would Jesus Weigh'?"

7. Jim Gilmore: "Nobody ever heard of me, so let me make clear I'm not a character on the Gilmore Girls."

6. Ron Paul: "Let's abolish all government regulation - so that the fatcats can plunder and ruin this country even more than they did under Bush."

5. Tom Tancredo: "Mr. Gorbachev, build up that wall."

4. Tommy Thompson: "I'm the ultimate Ronald Reagan: I only made an anti-gay remark because I had a hearing aid malfunction."

3. Mitt Romney: "I can single-handedly solve global warming by soaking up the sun's rays with my George Hamilton caliber tan."

2. Duncan Hunter: "Elect me and you'll really see a military industrial complex that'll have old Ike spinning in his grave."

1. Rudy Giuliani: "First, I'm gonna make googly eyes at the Iranian leaders, just like the Gipper. Then I'll do what I did in New York: attack the squeegeemen from Squeegeemenistan."

I think the Repug candidates should have a "White Collar Comedy Tour". There's nothin' really funny about 'em, but they'd be outta our hair for a while. Especially if they let me 'n Fixer work on their bus a little. Heh.

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