Colbert: GOP Voters Pick Candidates Like They're In A Bar At 4 A.M.

Yep, nobody's ugly at closin' time...

TPMLiveWire with video.

Stephen Colbert thought the 2012 Republican presidential contest was all but a two-horse race between Mitt Romney and Rick Perry. But a funny thing happened on the way to the nomination: Herman Cain.

Here's my take on Pizza Guy: Cain's scared shitless. He is not now and never was and doesn't want to be a serious candidate. He never, ever, not for a moment thought that there were damn fools enough to get him into the top tier. He thought he'd be like Paul or Santorum, just make a lotta noise and that'd be it.

That's why he's taking 30 days off from campaigning right in the middle of the Repug turkey slap to sell his book. He's trying desperately not to win the primary.

Don't worry, Hermie, there are a helluva lot more voters who won't vote for you because of your cockamamie ideas.

He's not going to be President for two reasons:

First, the majority of morons he's pandering to will never, ever, vote for a gentleman of his, er, complexion, and second, he won't take the cut in pay and put his business interests in a blind trust and hope they're still there in four years.

Time ta go for it or drop out, Herman me lad. You'll make the right choice.