Saturday, September 10, 2011

'Credible Threats' Made to US Government

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) September 10,2011 – The Department of Homeland Security said today that it was studying several "credible threats" made to the United States government in a two-hour broadcast Wednesday night from a location believed to be the Reagan Library in Simi Valley, California.

Homeland Security spokesman Harland Dorinson said that the Department did not want to alarm the American people, "but whenever you have a group of individuals threatening to dismantle the US government piece by piece, it has to be taken seriously."

While stopping short of saying that the speakers were engaged in some sort of jihad, Mr. Dorinson did note that a tone of religious extremism dominated the video.

"One speaker in particular, seemed bent on rolling back the advances of science and plunging America back into the Dark Ages," he said.

But the most terrifying moment in the tape came when that same speaker received thunderous applause from the audience after threatening to execute people.

"We're posting pictures of this individual on our website," Mr. Dorinson said. "Hopefully he will be captured before he can carry out any of his plans."

Dead or alive.


Obwon said...

Hmmm... Documents taken from OBL's hideout say that Al Qaeda had 4,000 dollars in the till. The CIA says that there are less than 400 members to Al Qaeda. Hell, we've got orgs here with way more money and people than that, who are bent on dismantling the U.S. So why is this such a fearsome threat to a nation of 300 million plus with multi-trillion dollar military and spy network? They wouldn't be trying to scare some one would they? Nawh, they'd never do that!

Gordon said...

They're after al Qaeda because they're brown and not good Xtians.

mandt said...

Perry funny!