You Know You're a Tea Bagger If...

The Ostroy Report

1. You hate science and the corrupt scientists who manufacture data in nefarious schemes
...
3. You think there are hundreds of Nobel Peace Prize-winning scientists who believe in Intelligent Design
...
17. You think governors who advocate their state's secession from the Union would make great presidents of the United States.
...
22. You love America but scowl when your opponents exercise the very Democratic principles which make it great, like free speech; separation of church and state; a free and open press; freedom of religion; checks and balances; freedom from persecution; and civil rights for all

23. And most of all, unlike your founding Tea Party brethren 238 years ago, you think "No taxation without representation" really just means "No taxation."

Also see:

He's ba-ack...

2. Who the fuck cares what kind of backwards ass country shitkicker stuff Rick Perry says? He's a dumbass hick from the barren wastelands of west Texas. Of course he's gonna say stupid shit. It's what he's hardwired to do. And because we've fetishized dumbass hicks in this country as having some kind of wisdom, people lap it up like dogs on cat turds. No, he's an idiot. He needs to be treated like an idiot. And anyone who supports him needs to be dunce-capped and beaten in the streets.

3. Who the fuck cares about demented, uber-Christian, Jesus ball-licking Michele Bachmann? Just...who the fuck cares?

The entire Republican nomination has already devolved into bullshit like who hates evolution and who wants to take health care away from old people, who loves Jesus and who really, really loves Jesus. The whole degrading affair is less an absurd circus than a version of "The Aristocrats" that ends up with all of us covered in blood and piss.

Could we just get to the Mitt Romney nomination already?

For good or ill, that last line is not quite as cut and dried as it seemed a few days ago. Perry. Huntsman. We will see.

McCain Promised Qaddafi To Help Secure Military Equipment From U.S.

Think Progress

For all the braying by the Senate’s top three hawks about how the U.S. wasn’t doing enough to oust Libyan dictator Col. Muammar Qaddafi from power, one might be surprised to learn that exactly two years ago, Sens. John McCain (R-AZ), Joe Lieberman (I-CT) and Lindsey Graham (R-SC) were in Tripoli meeting with the erratic leader and giving him assurances that relations between the nations were on the mend.

The trifecta of usual suspects.

According to a recounting the Senators’ junket, the neoconservative Connecticut Senator captured the dynamic of aligning with a brutal dictator:

Lieberman called Libya an important ally in the war on terrorism, noting that common enemies sometimes make better friends.

Note to Grampa Walnuts, Miss Lindsey, and the Likud senator from Connecticut: It's OK boys, it's just another promise you don't have to keep. And by the way, it appears that you are not alone.

Headline of the Day

God Smites GOP Leader Eric Cantor’s District with 5.8 Earthquake

If this latest visitation from God won’t open their eyes, what will? If they won’t heed the 130-year curse of kudzu, the recent bouts of record heat, the droughts, floods, hurricanes, oil spills and now an earthquake, what will it take to force them to mend their wicked ways?

Cue the swarms of locusts.

Quote of the Day

Obama may yet be saved by the sheer extremism of the likely Republican nominee. But we should not bet the farm on that either. I vividly remember being reassured that Ronald Reagan was too far-right, and George W. Bush too dumb, to be elected. So much for that theory.

Here.

A big "if" ...

David Atkins @ Digby's:

...

Meanwhile, it's worth remembering how Ghaddafi thanked Republicans for their help in defending his regime in June:

Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi has written to members of Congress thanking them for criticizing President Obama last week over his involvement in the NATO-led military campaign in Libya.

...

If national Democrats have an ounce of intelligence, they will hang this issue over the heads of Republicans at least 1/10th as vociferously as Republicans would have done to Democrats had the roles been reversed. [my em]

...

Seriously? Do we really think the Dems will muster up enough testicle (especially the President) to shove it up the Republicans' ass? I don't. David finishes:

...

That Republicans still somehow retain the mantle of national security is a testament to a massive lack of political courage on the part of Democrats to tell the truth about who is effective even in military policy, and who is not.

Whatever happens next year, it will be because the American people have had enough bullshit, or not. It will be because the economy turns around, or not. And it will be because Obama started acting like a Democrat, or not. Anything this administration and national Democrats do, we already know, will be half-baked and ineffective. It seems to me the Dems are allergic to helping their own cause. This assumes they even have a cause anymore.

But of course ...

We're smarter. From those crazies at Pshrinkology Today via the Facebook:

...

Analyses of large representative samples, from both the United States and the United Kingdom, confirm this prediction. In both countries, more intelligent children are more likely to grow up to be liberals than less intelligent children. For example, among the American sample, those who identify themselves as “very liberal” in early adulthood have a mean childhood IQ of 106.4, whereas those who identify themselves as “very conservative” in early adulthood have a mean childhood IQ of 94.8.

Even though past studies show that women are more liberal than men, and blacks are more liberal than whites, the effect of childhood intelligence on adult political ideology is twice as large as the effect of either sex or race. So it appears that, as the Hypothesis predicts, more intelligent individuals are more likely to espouse the value of liberalism than less intelligent individuals, possibly because liberalism is evolutionarily novel and conservatism is evolutionarily familiar.

...

Conservative = Neanderthal

I didn't a need a study to tell me this. When you hear all the stupid shit coming out of conservative mouths, it's quite obvious.

Saved by da shake, sorta...

Goddam! Just when I was all worried because my outrage meter hasn't pegged today and caused me to post something - I mean, c'mon, it's all Qaddafi and Perry, mox nix, same ol', same 'ol - along comes that rarest of things, a pretty good size Eas' Coas' earthquake! This'll take up the rest of the day fer sure!

Old stuff to us Californios, but the back east take is very entertaining. I hope there's not much damage and no deaths or injuries, but you never know. The thing was felt amazingly far and wide and reports will be trickling in for days.

It's something to talk about anyway. The real question is: Which side was God trying to smite? Heh.

Either ...

We just had an earthquake or I gotta stop smoking in the afternoon ...

Update:

You know it was tough in NYC:

...

Lord & Taylor on Fifth Avenue was also evacuated.

Update Zwei:

Cell service is down due to traffic. The Mrs. is in Jersey today. Let's see if they let her across any of the Hudson River bridges on the way home.

If you've been out of town ...

Or on another planet for a while, or don't live in the US and haven't gotten the full effect of Bachmann the Nut, here's your chance.

...

Michele Bachmann Bizarro World is an attempt to organize her insanity, bigotry and lying into categories.

We don't claim that she is insane, a bigot and a liar haphazardly -- we can point to many specific examples. We would like anyone who just discovered Michele to get an idea of the depth and breadth of her wackiness, hate and lack of honesty. For anyone familiar with her, we hope you'll find this helpful.

...

An encyclopædic work of all the crazy in one place, written by the people who know her best, real Minnesotans (unlike our pal Froggy, who'll always be a Jersey boy, no matter how cold he gets).

Great thanks to Skippy for the link.

A song for the revolution ...

Theirs and ours.

Elton John - Burn Down The Mission

Not that I agreed ...

With being involved in the Libyan revolution, even as remotely as we are(as far as I'm concerned, Muammar is Europe's problem), but I'm thrilled it's just about over without Barry sending the Marines to "the shores of Tripoli". That said, Grandpa Walnuts and Princess Lindsey are all mad they didn't have any masturbatory material from the conflict. It's amazing to me, after getting on so well with the Colonel not so long ago, that they'd want American planes to bomb him into subatomic particles. I guess they get more campaign contributions from Big Bullet than from Big Oil.

9. The Earth is round ...

And 99 other "Things You Can Say To Irritate A Republican". Thanks, Montag!

Run, Muammar, run!

CONCORD, NH August 22, 2011 (The Borowitz Report) – he mystery surrounding Col. Muammar Gaddafi's whereabouts was resolved today as the dictator announced his candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination in a town hall meeting in Concord, New Hampshire.
...

"In those final days in Tripoli he was becoming increasingly disconnected from reality," said the aide. "So I think he'll fit right in."
...

"Unfortunately for Muammar Gaddafi, he might be out of step with the current crop of Republican candidates," one pollster said. "There's a perception that he's too moderate."

Oh, the irony...

Ironic Times

Analysts: Perry Could Win if Things Break His Way
If Jesus suddenly appears and debunks global warming, he's in.

Rep. Paul Ryan Charging $15 Per Person to Speak to Him
Considerably more if you want him to listen.

Perry Hopes to Bring “Texas Miracle” to Rest of Country
The miracle of low wages, lousy schools and fewer public services.

Billionaire Funding Project to Establish Sea-Based Libertarian Nations
Each would be just like America except no taxes, no regulations, no lawyers, no ex-wives.

REMINDER
Safety nets are for sissies.

Chutzpah ...

No tax cuts for you because it costs too much:

...

The GOP is also coming out against extending the payroll tax cuts. Yes, I know that takes some special chutzpah considering that they have made the Bush tax cuts for the wealthy a sacred cause. But giving tax breaks to workers will cost ...

And there's 30% of the American public who are going to pay more tax saying "Right on!"

Aren't men ...

Supposed to calm down after they get married? Don't seem to have worked on Drifty:

...

Moments later my teevee made a long, pleasant dopplerish sound as it sailed out the window.

Great thanks to Jill for the link.

Grow the fuck up ...

One of my biggest beefs with this country. Via Odd Man Out, via Susie, an excellent NYT editorial that all who have no skin in the game should read:

...

The new cult of the uniform began with the call to "support our troops" during the Iraq war. The slogan played on a justified collective desire to avoid repeating the mistake of the Vietnam era, when hatred of the conflict spilled over into hostility toward the people who were fighting it. Now the logic was inverted: supporting the troops, we were given to understand, meant that you had to support the war. In fact, that’s all it seemed to mean. The ploy was a bait and switch, an act of emotional blackmail. If you opposed the war or questioned the way it was conducted, you undermined our troops.

As the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have dragged on, other purposes have come into play. The greater the sacrifice that has fallen on one small group of people, the members of the military and their families, the more we have gone from supporting our troops to putting them on a pedestal. In the Second World War, everybody fought. Soldiers were not remote figures to most of us; they were us. Now, instead of sharing the burden, we sentimentalize it. It’s a lot easier to idealize the people who are fighting than it is to send your kid to join them. This is also a form of service, I suppose: lip service. [my ems]

...

The collective American mind has turned to mush. We have become intellectually lazy about the things that affect us most. We are gulled by slogan and untruths, and given icons to worship so we don't look deeper. We've been told that as long as we support the government and its policies - and its wars - our responsibility ends.

Those of us who remember Vietnam know the paranoia families felt when their 18 year old had to go get his draft card, wondering if his number will come up, wondering if their child would go to Southeast Asia and come back missing part of his body or mind, or not come back at all. This was, of course, true only for those who weren't rich enough, or their child not smart enough, to get into college. I grew up in a blue collar community (it's where I live now and it's still a blue collar community) and almost every family around here had a son who was drafted. It was like that in the grocery store or the mall when you ran into a neighbor: "How's Johnny doing over there?" or "We're so sorry to hear about Timmy." That was shared sacrifice. At least, when you were sent to war, back then, you did your tour and came home. The Vietnam draftees weren't run through the meat grinder time after time, year after year, for a decade.

Now, we have a small group of American families paying the price for another shitbag war(s) while these lazy assholes sit on the couch watching football or NASCAR, thinking their service to the country is done by shaking the hand of a returning vet. They think they've done their patriotic duty by cheerleading the wars and "supporting the troops" ... well, at least until they come home disabled or deranged. How many of the "kill the ragheads" crowd volunteer at their local VA hospital? How many go and help a military family who are having trouble making ends meet? Odds are, that falls on other military families and the military community.

No, for most Americans, "patriotism" is a concept that ends when it involves breaking a sweat. Part of the answer to fixing this country is a draft, no exceptions. If you physically can't serve by carrying a rifle, then you'll do something else of service to the country in the civilian sector. Betcha we wouldn't be in 10 year wars anymore. Betcha Americans would pay a little more attention when some idiot politician says we have to go to war for some vague reason. Maybe we wouldn't be so gung ho to send other peoples' kids to war. Maybe we'd realize that waving the flag and military flyovers aren't a measure of patriotism (Are you listening, NASCAR?).

Patriotism means you're involved in your country. It means thinking for yourself, not believing politicians who question your patriotism if you disagree. It means realizing that bullshit never fixed anything.

Super Duper Congress. With Cheese. And Goats...

Will Durst on the "Super Congress":

A majority of the committee, equally split between Republicans and Democrats, must agree on the proposal to send it to the whole of Congress who will vote either up or down with no amendments or filibusters allowed: meaning one member has to cross party lines, which is about as likely as pimento flavored Velveeta taking first place in the 2012 World Championship Artisan Cheese Contest.

Just as an aside, no Velveeta in the American Cheese Society's biggest winners. California cheeses that did well include Sierra Nevada Cheese Co. Capretta plain goat yogurt; and Meyenberg European-style goat butter. Goats were well represented.

Now, this group has been called many things. Useless. The Supercommittee. Business as Usual. The Twerpy Twelve. A Dozen Punters. The Craven Caucus. Esteemed Assembly of the Ill- Advisable. League of the Unexceptionally Pontificating Pool of Party Hacks. But most commonly, it is referred to as: "Super Congress."

"Slower than a slug on Thorazine; less powerful than a soggy Kleenex; unable to compromise in a million years. Look! Up in that swiveling leather club seat of that private jet. It's a ruse, it's a sham, it's... Super Congress.
...

And when their capes are discarded and utility belts back in storage, we can move onto the next level of logical suspension and form the Super Duper Congress. Then, Son of Super Duper Congress. And call in Batman or maybe the Justice League or reconvene the Watchmen or that little guy who talks backwards and doesn't make any sense. Mr. Mxyztplk. You may know him as: Ron Paul. More scorpions, please

Hmmmmm...

From MoDo's column:

Let us take today’s lesson from Frost, who deliciously wrote in “The Lesson for Today”:

I’m liberal. You, you aristocrat,

Won’t know exactly what I mean by that.

I mean so altruistically moral

I never take my own side in a quarrel.

"Danger Rick Perry!"

Thanks to oldfartrants.

More about the NAR here. Maybe the batcrappiest craziest christowhackos yet. And they have a potential Presidential candidate.

Secaucus Fats takes easy way out of Repug Prez clown-off

Raw Story

According to the New Jersey Star-Ledger, governor Chris Christie joined Presidential candidate Jon Hunstman in coming out in full support of the issue. "Climate change is real," Christie told reporters. "Human activity plays a role in these changes, and it is impacting our state."

The "easy way out" of the Repug primary flusterpluck is to tell the truth, after which he could never be considered "pure" enough for the Dead End Quarter True Believers. Too bad really. I woulda been dazzled if he coulda fit in the clown car.

Will Antonin Scalia Anoint Another Dim Bulb Cowboy Governor From Texas?

By Tony Peyser

Their last Oval Office resident
Was such a fool and a clod in
Most ways that his profile since
Has been lower than bin-Laden.

Dubya ruined America for two terms.
To many people, what really perplexes
Is his party's new idea now is another
Dim bulb cowboy governor from Texas.

Shit, Perry's the perfect Repug candidate - a true bridge between the batcrap crazy teavangelical wing who want to turn the country into a throwback theocracy and the money wing who will throw them scraps and let them think that way for votes but will never allow it.

Send your condolences ...

Our friend and fellow blogger over at F&G, Bustednuckles, is getting the ball and chain attached tomorrow. He's gonna have some adult supervision from now on, which, if you read 'Nucks regularly, you know he needs, just like me and Gordon. Heh ...

Seriously, I wish him and his new bride all the love and fun the Mrs. and I have, for a very long time. I wouldn't trade what I have for anything and I hope he can say the same thing in 20 years.

As I light a fattie in his honor, I wish them all the best. Why don't you go over there and send your condolences best to him too?

Another one bites the dust.

Queen - Another One Bites The Dust

"Heartland Values"

Personally, I'm sick of journalists and politicians fawning over the people in the "Heartland" like they're the salt of the earth and know how America should work. Horseshit. This statistic ...

Stolen from Fez. Click to make big.

... is just one of many in the "values" department where my decadent, East Coast elite state leads. We have a lower teen pregnancy rate than most and a lower divorce rate as well. We have a lower rate of abortions too.

If you think the people in "flyover country" have more "moral values" than we you'd be mistaken, if you're inclined to follow these things. We here don't really care about who's more moral or not as long as they do the right thing. I'm tired of my state being maligned by untruths. I know about my people. I've seen them under strain and pressure and I have seen the best in New Yorkers. I'll put our East Coast "decadence" up against any Jesus-loving "Heartland" state, using any "moral" rating system you want, and bet we'll come out ahead.

Instead of spreading bullshit about how "moral" we are and our "values", we practice our values every day. There are 8 million of us packed in a small space and if we didn't respect each other it would be a war zone.

We don't expect our politicians to be "godly", we just expect them to have our best interests at heart. We don't look at people from out of town (or another country) as "The Other" because they are us. We are The Melting Pot and we still welcome others to enjoy what we have. We don't chase them away. We know that if we take pride in our communities, the crime rate will go down. We know if we give our children a proper education about sex and contraception, they will generally make the right choices when they become sexually active. We know that if we are attacked by terrorists, we will continue on and become better, not arm ourselves to the teeth and abdicate our rights to the government for some feeble feeling of "safety". We survived the worst attack on American soil, we are the targets, and we have become better. We don't let 9/11 rule our lives.

We have more people in a hundred mile radius of my home than a lot of these "Heartland" states do combined, the ones who the politicians and journalists rely on to form their talking points. Tell ya what. Instead of showing up at some diner in Podunk, Wherever (Pop. 25), why not show up at a place on Long Island, or New Jersey, or Connecticut, or Upstate New York? You'll learn about values and you'll learn about the real Americans. You know, the ones who ain't all white and Evangelical Christian. You know, the ones who subsidize the "Heartland" with their tax money. You know, the 8 million who've learned to live together in relative peace without fear of anything that's different.

We are America and I'm tired of being referred to as a place to be tolerated instead of learning from what we've done here over the past 250 years. We ain't perfect, but we're far more ready for the 21st Century than the "Heartland".

Saturday Emmylou Blogging

Rolling Stone

July 20, 2011

Emmylou Harris and her band stopped by Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night to perform "New Orleans," a charming country rock number from her latest album Hard Bargain. Harris' song pays tribute to the people of the Big Easy who made it through Hurricane Katrina and stuck around for the immediate aftermath. "To cut and run ain't in our blood / we are New Orleans," she sings, delivering the line with both defiance and a touch of sweetness.

[The Audio Perv]

OK, yer crazy...

Following up on Fixer's post, here's some more on Jon "Tweets" Huntsman:

Still, deliberately prodding at Tea Party favorites just doesn't seem a winning strategy for someone who's serious about winning the nomination. As if just to rile up the Liberal Elite-hating base even further, Thursday also saw the release of a Vogue magazine profile of Huntsman, complete with photographs by Annie Liebowitz. The article was broadly favorable to the former Utah Governor, but to those like conservative commentator John Podheretz it came across as "the Plan 9 from Outer Space of political profiles."

Pod-boy, ya got it backwards. As usual. The whole rest of the Repug field is "Plan 9 from Outer Space".

Huntsman is acting like a man with nothing to lose -- or one who has already lost. His campaign did not return a TPM email inquiring how the candidate's new twitter style of prodding fun at core elements of the base was meant to be a winning campaign tactic.

Perhaps, though, the answer came in another tweet. The account @Jon2012girls purports to carry the thoughts of Huntsman's daughters. Friday morning they posted this:

"Dad making a stir on twitter. Guess our gift "twitter for dummies" finally payed off!"

Huntsman, IMNSHO, is THE ONLY REPUG CANDIDATE THAT STANDS A CHINAMAN'S CHANCE OF BEATING OBAMA. Let's hope they don't realize that and start supporting him.

And he's not nearly as negatively Mormon as Willard either.

Update:

Huntsman gets some Twitter love

He's grabbed the second rung...

Perry’s War With the Bushies

This is a sideshow and it's FREE!

Karl Rove and his operatives appear to have launched a campaign to derail Rick Perry’s 2012 bid, beginning with criticisms that he is 'unpresidential.' Matt Latimer on a decade-old feud over power and money.

His brazen and transparent attacks on a leader of his own party, Texas Gov. Rick Perry, may be the greatest test yet of Rove’s remarkable resilience. Some, in fact, are starting to question if we have at last reached “the moment.” Years from now, will we look back at the 2012 primary season as the time when Rove put on his Fonzie jacket, flashed a thumbs-up sign, and then—finally—jumped the shark?

Yes, at long last, the 2012 race is actually starting to get interesting.

In a really creepy yet schadenfreude-filled way.

Now he and his henchmen are undertaking their most serious gamble. Rick Perry managed to shine in Texas without Rove's permission, and now threatens to become the current Republican frontrunner without Rove’s blessing. This, Rove has decreed, must be stopped, even if his party is destroyed in the process.

Get some, Turdblossom! Oh please...

The Bushes are usually more cautious than this, which means they must feel they have no other choice. A Perry victory would end whatever chokehold the Bushes still have on the GOP establishment (my em). It would cut off many donors to Rove, Inc. Worse yet, Karl Rove and his compatriots simply cannot fathom the idea of having to sit on Fox News for four years defending the policies of the man who dared to cross them.

The crux of the biscuit. Turdblossom & Co. are trying to protect the asset-stripping cultist who is all they've got in the Repug establishment wing from the apostolic reformer/stoopid-talkin' shitkicker who did well in Texass without their permission and now threatens their power/livelihood.

I'm purely enjoying the crap outta all this. I would love to see an Old West reenactment with the Bushes and Perrys instead of the Earps and the Clantons. Heh.

Headline of the Day

Rick Perry Has A BIG PORN Problem!

Won't hurt him with his supporters. They lurves them some porn!

Heh ...

The General cashes in.

Quote of the Day

TBogg:

...

Go down to the worst trailer park in whatever town you live in. Look for the 50-year old, leather-skinned, gap-toothed, chain-smoking tweaker in filthy sweatpants and a tank top that says “Kitty needs a lickin’”.

That woman?

Well, Sarah Palin is her evil twin ...

Definitions ...

You know about "Santorum", right? Well, Tintin finds a definition for "Bachmann":

Bach'mann n. 1. The act of inserting a broomstick or other household tool into one's anus while singing "Gladly The Cross I'd Bear" or other hymn. 2. An insane Republican Congresswoman.

Heh ...

Wah-wah-wah ...

We spend more money on "defense" than every other country combined. Now, since the nation is in a headlong rush to cut spending, Big Bullet is getting worried about their piece of the pie:

Facing the possibility of actual defense spending cuts for the first time since the end of the Cold War, the nation's biggest defense contractors have put aside their traditional hyper-competitiveness and joined forces in a messaging and advocacy blitz under the slogan "Second to None."

The campaign's website, secondtonone.org, warns that "American leadership in aerospace and defense is being threatened by forces in Congress and the administration."

...

Rat bastids. They've all made a good living since World War 2, especially in bullshit wars (beginning with Korea) that served no purpose other than to kill young Americans and native innocents.

Like our pal Montag says:

...

Cute slogan Second to None and so true. Who else creates multi million dollar planes that look great on the ground but can't fly? And let us not forget the Navy's new vessels that will either break apart or rust out in their first year of operation.

...

It would be nice if the American people woke up and realized the real "welfare queens" in this country are the multi-national corporations and the filthy rich.

Fuck them.

No, I'll call you ...

"Out of the race":

After Perry dismisses evolution as a "theory that's out there," Huntsman jumps on twitter and says "I believe in evolution and trust scientists on global warming. Call me crazy."

Talk about political suicide*.

*You know he's speaking to the very, very few sane Republicans saying "I'm the good Mormon".

All you need to know ...

About Rick Perry in three pictures.

If this woman ...

Is elected President, we'll deserve what we get as a result.

...

"But what people recognize is that there’s a fear that the United States is in an unstoppable decline. They see the rise of China, the rise of India, the rise of the Soviet Union and our loss militarily going forward. And especially with this very bad debt ceiling bill, what we have done is given a favor to President Obama and the first thing he’ll whack is five hundred billion out of the military defense at a time when we’re fighting three wars. People recognize that."

...

So, a person who wants to be President believes a nation dead 20 years is "on the rise"? And, Ms. Bachmann, maybe if we weren't "fighting three wars" the MIC* wouldn't be looting the Treasury at the rate they are now and we wouldn't have to keep the most expensive standing army in the world prepared for a fight with the ... Soviet Union.

"Yes, Madame President, the missiles are on their way."

*MIC = Military Industrial Complex

Great thanks to They Gave Us A Republic for the link.

Update:

Heh ... Bachmann thinks she's "Jane Bond" now. Personally, I get the feeling that infiltrating a federal agency in order to destroy it carries a jail sentence ... except if you're a Republican.

When I knew ...

Obama wasn't gonna be what we hoped after 8 years of Bush. When Joe Lieberman campaigned for Obama's opponent, Grandpa Walnuts, and the half-Governor of Alaska. When Lieberman was allowed to retain his committee chairmanship* after supporting the enemy, instead of having it shoved up his ass by pulling his seniority, I got an inkling "hope and change" carried a different meaning in Obama's dictionary than mine.

You'd think the rotten prick would be somewhat grateful (were I Obama, my first order of business would have been to ruin Lieberman politically). But no. Dickface went on Fox 'News' to proclaim he doesn't "... know who I'm going to support at this point... I want to see who's got the plans, who the Republicans nominate... Bottom line, too early to say."

...

"It really is too early to say," Lieberman insisted. "I never have really met Rick Perry. I must say that I watched the launch of his campaign the last few days and first impressions are important. He's made, to me, some very good first impressions."

...

Self-serving scumbag. I can't remember the last time he put the interests of the people of Connecticut and the United States ahead of the interests of Joe Lieberman. Miserable scumbag.

*And an aside, I know now why Obama twisted Harry Reid's arm to let Lieberman stay as committee chair; because it was a sure bet Lieberman wouldn't investigate Chimp & Co's "indiscretions". That's when I first figured Obama was a big-talking pussy.

If you read anything today ...

Read this. A post by a guest blogger at the Rude One's page who's been there. As one who's been there myself, I can relate to this:

...

My recruiter forged his smile while he fed me everything I wanted to know about the U.S. Army: "Free college! Steady paycheck! Getting your head sawed off on YouTube!" I guess by "career" he meant only if you don't die fighting the civilian being paid to endlessly throw rocks and grenades at your convoy. With this career, you'll be left feeling skull-fucked on a daily basis by flashbacks of seeing that brown civilian kid take a .50 caliber round to the face. That subsequent nagging urge in your guts to go on a homicidal rampage. One recruiter called me and based his entire campaign to enroll me based on the fact that I'd get into Disneyland for free. How did he know that I always wanted to hug Mickey Mouse with blood all over my hands? Yes, PTSD is very real, and anyone related to a service member will tell you that their soldier was not the same after coming home, but they won't tell you that he wakes up at night running around looking for his M16 that isn't there, while tactically clearing the living room of insurgents.

...

When you can get so angry at someone you try to twist their head off their shoulders. When you get so angry with yourself, you want to drive your car into a bridge abutment. When you wake up screaming because one of your mind's safety valves pops and it shows you something you thought buried long ago. When you shut the lights and curtains, making your family take cover because you're convinced someone is outside, trying to infiltrate the perimeter (makes for a wonderful family Thanksgiving, believe me). And the bitch of it is, you don't know what will set it off. A smell, a sound, a poem (once a poem a friend wrote himself and read to me flipped the switch), anything in the course of your day can send you there quicker than shit. Picture a million or so people walking around with that hair-trigger, able to be pulled by just about anything.

If you're wondering what it's like to be a spouse of somebody with PTSD, send an email to Mrs. F and she'll explain it to you. She's a good woman.

We've destroyed a generation of our young people, the extent of which we won't know for a decade or two once we leave. Our "jails for hire" will begin to fill up with people who just can't tell what's real or what's not anymore, or live with the things they had to do in order to stay alive, or because some politician said it was the right thing. We'll have people who self-medicate (you're looking at one) who will fall afoul of the law for whatever reason. The soldiers who are "fightin' for our freedoms" today will be the "burdens on society" tomorrow.

The Republicans say we're handing down a big deficit to our children. I'll posit we're leaving a far worse legacy. We're leaving them with destroyed minds and bodies at the behest of war criminals. In an age of spending cuts, I wonder what will become of them.

Now ...

Were I an evangelical Christian, I might think, at this point in time, God would want me to rethink my mission to be a racist, self-centered prick. You know, being "Mr. Jesus", Rick Perry, prayed for rain and God laughed. Oh, that's right, God only smites "decadent" places like New Orleans, New York, and San Francisco. All I have to say is: "Where's God now, twats?"

Shopping Day

See yas.

Hey, Barry ...

Why don't you just stay out of this one? We have big problems here at home and you're going out and getting another one in the Middle East. What, Hillary's bored with Libya already?

Official: Obama calls on Assad to leave power, first explicit demand that Syrian leader resign.

How about you STFU about other peoples' civil wars until you start putting some Americans back to work? Believe me, nobody thinks you're a tough guy anymore and your two cents will most likely be ignored.

If/Then problem ...

If as this opinion piece in the NYT says, that the "Average American" is fed up with the Tea Party and their shenanigans:

...

Polls show that disapproval of the Tea Party is climbing. In April 2010, a New York Times/CBS News survey found that 18 percent of Americans had an unfavorable opinion of it, 21 percent had a favorable opinion and 46 percent had not heard enough. Now, 14 months later, Tea Party supporters have slipped to 20 percent, while their opponents have more than doubled, to 40 percent.

...

Then why are our elected representatives kissing these peoples' collective ass:

...

So what do Tea Partiers have in common? They are overwhelmingly white, but even compared to other white Republicans, they had a low regard for immigrants and blacks long before Barack Obama was president, and they still do.

More important, they were disproportionately social conservatives in 2006 — opposing abortion, for example — and still are today. Next to being a Republican, the strongest predictor of being a Tea Party supporter today was a desire, back in 2006, to see religion play a prominent role in politics. And Tea Partiers continue to hold these views: they seek “deeply religious” elected officials, approve of religious leaders’ engaging in politics and want religion brought into political debates. The Tea Party’s generals may say their overriding concern is a smaller government, but not their rank and file, who are more concerned about putting God in government.

...

Translated: The Tea Party is nothing more than a buncha bigoted, Jesus freak assholes.

I'm sick and tired of small minorities of morons and ignorants hijacking the national discourse. A tiny percentage can take over a political party and make life miserable for hundreds of millions. The poll results are somewhat pleasing to see but I fear too many of the ignorant and uninformed will think (because we all know about the length of the American attention span) a "tough talking Texan" in the White House is exactly what the country needs right now.

Everybody who worries about more crazy coming to Washington better pray Perry shoots himself in the foot before he wins the primary. And no, I have no faith in the American people to have the common sense to say "we've seen this before".

Gypsies in the Palace*

*My favorite theme when the F-Man goes a-cruisin'.

El Rude-o's on vay-cay. His first guest replacement is a wordy SOB. Here's just the footnotes from his 1st post:

* If Rude had the balls to allow comments.

** I was supposed to write about making it as a lawyer turned comic, but, again, fuck that guy. And by that guy, I sorta mean me (one Native American teardrop).

*** These will be my last words just before Lee stabs me.

**** Please die soon.

***** You know what industry really gets the real potential of the American worker? Finance. Why do you think they're making all the money? They understand what Americans do best is innovate, and they milk that. The brain drain isn't overseas, it's into finance: Our greatest minds don't cure cancer or end hunger or create hydroelectricsolarwindbeeffart energy technologies…. but ways to make money by moving money around, skimming 2% off the top.

****** As for Rick Perry creating jobs which are a) minimum wage or less, b) energy industry based, and c) at the expense of education, investment, and health insurance, I'll just say this: I miss Molly Ivins. (Also: Fuck that guy).

******* Whoops. "Bitter" does-not-equal "rude."

360 degrees of ugly

RawReplay with video:

Although the presence of Texas Gov. Rick Perry in the Republican presidential primary may be looked upon warmly in the press these days, don’t expect that to last. Speaking with MSNBC’s Chris Matthews on Tuesday, populist author and Texas Observer contributor Jim Hightower cautioned that there’s a “very ugly side” to Perry that won’t be relatively unknown for long.

“They say the higher the monkey climbs, the more you see its ugly side,” Hightower said. “Well, Perry’s got a very ugly side. He’s going to get the kind of media scrutiny that he’s not had.”

“Republicans get a two’fer with him. One, they get one of the furthest-out of the far-out tea party right-wingers, sort of a Michele Bachmann with better hair. And also though, they get the real Perry, which is the exuberant, corporate Republican who never met a corporate lobbyist he wouldn’t hug as long as that lobbyist had a campaign check and a wish list.

“He really is kind of a George Bush plutocrat without the intelligence or the ethics. That’s the real Perry, is really going to be the corporate Perry. That’s the kind of governorship he has run.”

I think it's time to move the Texas Observer up the bookmarks list. It done slipped a mite after the Chimp. Like Bush, Perry's assholery is well known in Texas. Maybe this time we'll listen.

Odds

If you're on your way to OTB or the Race & Sports Book...

Headline of the Day

How the Political Right Bullied the Department of Homeland Security Into Ignoring the Threat of Right-Wing Extremism

When it was clear that Barack Obama would win, Johnson became worried about the "potential radicalization factor" that would ensue following the election of America's first black president. "It would agitate people to go beyond their mainstream and law-abiding protest activity to more criminal activity and violence because people would see that these 'enemies' so to speak, these minorities in America are actually integrated in society and they’re actually fulfilling the American dream."

Right-wing terrorism: IOKIYAR.

The Late, Great Molly Ivins on Rick Perry

As Texas Gov. Rick Perry embarks on his Obama-bashing, evangelical-courting, tea party-outdoing campaign for the presidency, we miss Molly Ivins more than ever.

No shit. We need her now more than ever. MoJo. With videos.

Ivins also had a special place in her heart for delivering blistering, bold critiques of Perry's track record as a governor, a poor thinker, and an even worse obfuscator. She was, after all, the writer who bestowed upon Perry the nicknames "The Coiffure" and "Governor Goodhair."

Here are a few highlights of Ivins tearing apart Perry's stances on the death penalty, creationism, and taking dirty money from Enron.

Go.

I wanna be your exorcist

If it's Wednesday, it must be Morford.

Attention college grads! Economy driving you to despair? Prospects feeling hopeless? Job market endlessly bleak? Ready to move back in with your exhausted parents and play WoW 18 hours a day and lose yourself in Facebook and not have sex for five years?

Fear not, young seeker. Fresh job opportunities abound, if you know where to look.

That's right, the Vatican is hiring!

...the Vatican needs exorcists.

Really, is it not the height of wicked and delicious irony? Is it not sort of easy to point out that, while some people are very much susceptible to various vile and/or oppressive demons, cults and sects, the church, with its deeply embedded homophobia, sexual dread, misogyny, fondness for pedophilia and cover-up, falls squarely into that exact category? More directly: Doesn't the church often represent just the sort of savagely manipulative demon it seeks to expunge? Why, of course it does.

Gee, sounds like the House of Representatives. Rumor has it they tried to get an exorcist of their own but the Tea-possessed put the kibosh on it. The tribal memory runs strong in them still and they'd much rather be the accusers than the accused. Like last time.

Call me ...

Leonardo.

I got a buncha painting to do over at dad-in-law's over the next couple days but I'll be back in the early afternoons. We're setting up a new room for the overnight aide so he can keep a closer eye on the old man. Lately, when he's having a bad night, he thinks he's somewhere else and tries to "get home". He weasels himself out of bed (I put bed rails up to make it harder but he scoots out the foot of the bed) and starts packing a suitcase.

I tell ya something. After seeing a once intelligent man go down hill like this (he worked in the NYC Comptroller's Office yet now he can't do simple math), I hope, if I am unfortunate enough to get Alzheimer's, somebody leaves a loaded pistol somewhere within my reach. It's a horrible disease.

Later ...

Penthouse to the pavement ...

In one easy step.

Regardless of how poorly used they've been in the past decade, our troops are still the best trained and skilled armed forces in the world. Looks like that won't be the case much longer. Our pal Comrade Misfit explains:

No more "do your 20 and retire". The Feds will pay into a 401(K) and then when a service member leaves, they have to wait until they are 62 to collect.

Which means that after getting shot at for X number of years and then leaving, good luck to you. Maybe your 401(K) won't be wiped out in the markets.

...

You're gonna lose a lot of senior enlisted because of this (it'd probably be a good thing to lose a good portion of the senior ass kissing officer corps) and we all know what happens when you lose your good SGTs. There is no one to teach the young'uns the right way to do things and baby-sit the officers. Gonna end up with a buncha rock-throwers in 10 years.

Assholes.

Though in my master plan ...

The US Navy would make sure none of them came back:

Pay Pal founder and early Facebook investor Peter Thiel has given $1.25 million to an initiative to create floating libertarian countries in international waters, according to a profile of the billionaire in Details magazine.

Thiel has been a big backer of the Seasteading Institute, which seeks to build sovereign nations on oil rig-like platforms to occupy waters beyond the reach of law-of-the-sea treaties. The idea is for these countries to start from scratch--free from the laws, regulations, and moral codes of any existing place. Details says the experiment would be "a kind of floating petri dish for implementing policies that libertarians, stymied by indifference at the voting booths, have been unable to advance: no welfare, looser building codes, no minimum wage, and few restrictions on weapons."

...

Go. Go fast, go far, go soon.

Great thanks to Susie for the link.

Told ya ...

They'd get promoted:

Three supervisors who ran Operation Fast and Furious, the program which allowed at least 2,000 semiautomatic weapons to be illegally trafficked over the border into Mexico, have been promoted by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF).

...

Everybody involved in that deal should be wearing orange jumpsuits not $1000 suits and collecting 6 figures. What a country. If you're an idiot, you get promoted. If you stand on your rights, you go to Gitmo.

Now she's done it...

CNN via TPM:

(CNN)-Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann stepped all over Elvis Presley's blue suede shoes while stumping Tuesday, when she mistakenly wished "The King" a "Happy Birthday."

August 16 actually marks the 34th anniversary of Presley's death.

Bachmann's toast. This is the biggest gaffe she's made! The King being found dead on the shitter is the cultural event best known to her followers after the Jews nailing the white Jesus to the cross! They aspire to it "jus' lak Evis".

Frank Rich and Adam Moss Discuss the Kickoff of the GOP Soap Opera

NYMag. Go see the photo. Crazy Eyes forgot her corn dog.

Adam: [...] First question: Are corporations really people?

Frank: Hi Adam. Of course they are! They reach out and touch someone, bring good things to life, and bestow two-day erections. [...]

Frank: Given Bachmann's homophobia, Anita Bryant may be due for a comeback too.
...

Otherwise, my favorite moments involved the sure losers — Cain, who seems like a genuine jackass, and little Ricky Santorum, the annoying younger brother in a fifties sitcom whose only credential for being president of the United States is his own complete and utter lack of self-awareness.

More.

3-Ring Circus

Thanks to YubaNet.

Rove Slaps Rick Perry: Distancing Yourself From Bush ‘Is Not Smart Politics'

Think Progress

Attempting to subtly distance himself from the unpopular Bush, Perry said yesterday, “Our records are quite different. … I went to Texas A&M. He went to Yale.” Even this very mild distancing of Bush was too much for former Bush “architect” Karl Rove.

On Fox News this morning, Rove complained that Perry is trying to contrast himself with Bush “in a way that’s dismissive of the former president,” adding “now, why one would do that, I don’t know.” (Bush left office with an approval rating of 22 percent.)

Rove then argued that Perry and Bush are actually quite close:

[In 1998, Bush] moved heaven and earth to get Rick Perry elected as his running mate. … I know from the perspective of the former president that he has a cordial, personal strong friendship of nearly two decades with the governor. I think that’s true of the governor too. But why he falls into this pattern of sounding like he’s being dismissive of the former president is not smart politics strategically or tactically.

Host Martha MacCallum observed, “It sounds like you feel like he’s been ungrateful to the Bushes.” Watch it:

Watch it if you must.

It's a well-known fact that the Bushtards don't like Perry. Comparing him closely to Bush is all they got to try to keep him from being nominated.

The turkey slapfest between the money wing and the batcrap crazy wing is entertaining as all getout. Perry combines them both into one and pisses off and/or scares both sides.

Update:

Turdblossom's piling on Goodhair for other stuff too. Seems to me that the Repug establishment piggies are scared to death of him.

Headline of the Day

Fox News falls for Islamic ban on padded bras hoax

Watch for F**Noise to redouble its effort to get a Constitutional amendment to ban Sharia law. If their bimbos can't wear padded bras, old white men will start to get their propaganda with their pants pulled up and ratings will suffer.

An imbalance of assholery ...

See, that's our problem. All the assholes in this country have become Republicans:

...

So, basically, every time I read a story that sobs about the loss of the good old days when the Dems and Republicans got along so well, I think to myself that the author wants us to bring all the racists and fundamentalists back into the fold of the Democratic Party for the good of the country.

The problem this country faces is not complicated. We have way, way too many assholes living here. Someone should come up with a whole legislative program aimed at reducing the levels of assholery.

...

Might put some Americans back to work too.

Hey ...

What's that big yellow thing in the sky?

Would you pay ...

Almost a hunnert bucks to go to this thing and come home with physical evidence that you actually did go?

Nostalgia act Snowbilly Sarah and The Grifters will be teaming up with The Man Too Crazy For Fox for a Very Special One Time Performance That You Can Tell You Grandchildren About Right Before They Place A Pillow Gently But Firmly Over Your Face. Called Defending The Republic, and sponsored by St. Louis radio station NewsTalk 97.1 as well as Hansen’s Tree Service (I shit you not), this is an event you won’t want to miss if only for the chance at a $77 commemorative t-shirt:

...

They couldn't pay me to go, even if they throw in a free t-shirt.

Twice as stupid ...

As the last Texan in the White House, but with the same people making his lips move. Digby:

... The experts that [Texas Governor and presidential candidate Rick Perry] has reached out to include former Undersecretary of Defense for Policy Doug Feith, former NSC strategy guru William Luti, former Assistant U.S. Attorney and National Review columnist Andrew McCarthy, former Pentagon official Charles "Cully" Stimson, former Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense for Europe Daniel Fata, former Pentagon China official Dan Blumenthal, the Heritage Foundation's Asia expert Peter Brookes, and former U.S. Ambassador to Afghanistan Zalmay Khalizad.

Politico reported that Donald Rumsfeld helped Perry set up the initial meeting with Feith, Luti, McCarthy, and Fata (Stimson was invited but couldn't attend), but there have been several more since then and the Perry team is continuing to fly in experts to meet with the governor in Texas.

...

Do we really need a dumber version of George W. Bush (along with his cast of war criminals) in the White House?

Seriously?

Really? After the Bachmann pics? Seriously?

Thank you; thank you very much ...

A bond trader thanks the Tea Party for making him money:

As a long-time bond bull, my gratitude to the know-nothings in the Tea Party is profound.

So what if they played a major role in taking a thousand points off the stock market in the wake of the U.S. debt downgrade?

My bonds have rallied !!

...

How stupid and reckless is the Tea Party? In addition to shrugging off a default threat – or perhaps welcoming one – they believe austerity is the correct medicine for a weak economy!! Where did they study economics, in a cornfield outhouse??

It defies belief that Tea Party members actually think spending cuts will create jobs. No – spending cuts will eliminate jobs. The Know-Nothings don’t understand that, but hey — it’s good for my bonds !! [em in orig]

...

Always knew somebody would make money off it. I always wonder if the average Teabagger even understands what they've enabled to be done to this country. I wonder if any of them get how they've been duped and used as willing idiots to make the "elites" - who they say they despise so much - richer. I wonder if these self-proclaimed "patriots" (you'll see them at the link) realize what treasonous bastards they've become.

Great thanks to Mr. Aravosis for the link.

Michele Bachmann is worried about the Renaissance

From the Entertainment section of the LATimes:

It's the Renaissance, stupid.

The economy is not what ails us today. No, what ails Americans is what Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo and their artistic spawn have wrought in the culture, starting 500 years ago. The Renaissance has dragged us all down.

Tea party queen and Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann is convinced that America is sinking into tyranny. Why? In a remarkable profile of the candidate appearing in the Aug. 15 issue of the New Yorker magazine, the artistic flowering of the Italian Renaissance takes a beating for having done away with the god-fearing Dark Ages.

Bachmann "belongs to a generation of Christian conservatives whose views have been shaped by institutions, tracts, and leaders not commonly known to secular Americans, or even to most Christians," [...]

No shit. Perhaps we should elect her just to see how far back it's possible to regress.

California Democratic Party May Dump Its Progressive Caucus for Proposing a Primary Challenge to Obama

War Is A Crime.org, formerly AfterDowningStreet.

Go read the resolution.

PS: You can help primary Obama here: http://stophoping.org

Any bets an Obama primary challenge will happen?

Suck, Marcus, blow's just an expression...

The Rude Pundit follows up on Fixer's post:

Here's some things the Rude Pundit believes Minnesota's non-quitter was thinking as she went down on some carny dong:

1. "Oh, God, it's been so long."
2. "This tastes better than Sean Hannity."
3. "Wait, you mean it's just a hot dog?"
4. "I can take a bigger one than Rick Perry."
5. "This won't look bad at all."

Of course, if there's tube meat available, Bachmann's not-at-all-gay, anti-gay, gay-curing husband Marcus will be close by. He got a corn dog facial, too, with the congresswoman making him take it, take it all. Look at him:

You look at him...

Obviously he was thinking:

1. "Pray it away, pray it away, pray it away..."
2. "Well, if I just put the tip in, it won't look like I like it."
3. "Is it okay if I touch it, just a little, with my fingers gently caressing the smooth shaft before it hits my tongue and fills my mouth, oh, god, oh, Jesus, this feels amazing...no, no, stop it, bad thoughts. I'll have to whip myself later."
4. "Maybe if I show that I think it's yucky, people will stop talking."
5. "Oh, Michele, it's just...you."

My comment on Fixer's post was that the symbolism of this might have gone right over their heads since their house is probably not a blow job-rich environment. I'll amend that to say "not when Michelle's home". Heh.

Oh, the irony...

Ironic Times

POLLS
70% Don't Trust Government
Prefer to build their own highways, bridges.

Bipartisan Supercommittee Gets to Work
First task: decide between tag team format or cage match.

I'll go for the cage match in Speedos. They're not going to do anything anyway so it might as well be creepily entertaining.

Texas Plant to Turn Sewage into Drinking Water
Most agree: a good thing, for somebody else.

All they have to do is reverse the flow. They've been turning drinking water into sewage for years.

Real Madrid Signs 7-Year-Old Soccer Prodigy
To one-year contract.

Pro sports'd have to find two child prodigies for NASCAR - one to sit on phone books and steer and one to work the pedals.

"C'mon, this is too easy."

Seriously.

With allies like these ...

Who needs enemies?

...

Members of the Chinese military were allowed to survey the wreckage of the hi-tech helicopter and take samples of its "stealth" skin, which allowed it to enter Pakistan undetected by radar, the Financial Times reported, quoting US sources.

...

There are 3 ...

Sensible Republicans in Iowa:

...the Iowa State Fair Butter Cow reportedly received three write-in votes.

Or a drunk liberal who voted "early and often".

Heh ...

Disclaimer on one of Tengrain's photoshopped pics:

Don't blame me for impotence and painful rectal itch after viewing.

Do you ...

Believe in miracles?

As expected, Rick Perry, the governor of Texas, has announced that he is running for president. And we already know what his campaign will be about: faith in miracles.

...

What Texas shows is that a state offering cheap labor and, less important, weak regulation can attract jobs from other states. I believe that the appropriate response to this insight is “Well, duh.” The point is that arguing from this experience that depressing wages and dismantling regulation in America as a whole would create more jobs — which is, whatever Mr. Perry may say, what Perrynomics amounts to in practice — involves a fallacy of composition: every state can’t lure jobs away from every other state.

In fact, at a national level lower wages would almost certainly lead to fewer jobs — because they would leave working Americans even less able to cope with the overhang of debt left behind by the housing bubble, an overhang that is at the heart of our economic problem.

...

While I was up at the shop last week, one of Harry's customers was bitching about how NY sucks (taxes too high, housing too expensive), that he should move to Texas because there's a lot of work and he could buy a house for $50K. I asked him if he was willing to work for $4/hour (or whatever minimum wage passes for down there) and he said "hell no". I asked him if he can do without healthcare for his 2 kids and again the answer was "hell no". So I asked why he wanted to move there and he said "because I heard it was so good". I asked him if he watched Fox 'News'. Guess what the answer was.

And just a little note, for those people who could be lured somewhere by "a low cost of living": Low living costs also mean lower wages and less services. Yeah, you can buy a cheap house in Texas for half of what you can on Long Island but you can be assured your take home pay will be a third of what it is here. I don't see how that makes it any easier to survive.

Not only ...

Are they hypocrites, they're cheap hypocrites.

...

An Indiana state Representative, who recently voted for a constitutional amendment that would ban gay marriage, has been accused of using Craigslist to offer an 18-year old male $80 for "a couple hours of your time tonight" plus a tip "for a really good time."

...

Wouldn't get my dried up 50 year old ass for $80, let alone when I was 18. I got a "tip" for ya too: Don't bet on the horses.

Like Montag said:

...

But this saggy old closet queen is not all bad, he did vote against gay marriage. No doubt so it wouldn't ruin his marriage.

I know it shouldn't after all these years, but it still boggles the mind sometimes when I think about what hateful bastards Republicans have to be to get anywhere in their party.

Glug, glug ...

Ain't no such thing as "climate change", right?

Record rains here yesterday, almost 11" in 24 hours at Chez Fixer, and for the first time in a long time, I worried about flooding. One of the great things about living on Long Island is, to quote Danny DeVito in Twins, "[We're] the crap?" that was once the top layer of Quebec, Canada before the last ice age (one of my reasons for saying we should secede from the US and join Canada). We're on a glorified sand bar here (120 miles long by 15 miles wide) and usually, even in hurricanes, the water just soaks into the ground (after 2" of topsoil and 6" of red clay, there's nothing but sand). The only flooding we used to get here was in shore communities, not from rainfall but from tidal surges.

Not yesterday.

FREEPORT, N.Y. (WABC) -- It will be a sleepless night for families whose homes were flooded by Sunday's soaking rain.

At one point, the water was so high, people were using rowboats to get down the street.

...

I had 3" of standing water in the yard (the dogs were not pleased) yesterday and all the electronics were acting stupid (we still have above-ground electric, cable, and phone lines), let alone the lights flickering regularly.

It seems, over the past couple years, that we've had arctic winters and tropical summers. It's gotten so people around here just expect the worst when inclement weather is forecast (when people around here keep sandbags in storage, "just in case" you know something fucked up is happening). They saying another few inches today. Thank god it ain't snow.

And Al Gore is fat.

Rick Perry's Ruthless Drive to Win

Fellow Texassican Paul Begala nails Goodhair's hide to the barn door:

I first met Rick Perry in 1985. He was a Democratic freshman state rep, straight off the ranch in Haskell, Texas. He wore his jeans so tight, and, umm, adjusted himself so often that my fellow young legislative aides and I used to call him Crotch. Even among state representatives, even among Texas Aggies (graduates of this cute remedial school we have in Texas), Perry stood out for his modest intellectual gifts. Hell, he got a C in animal breeding. I have goats who got an A in that subject. But lack of brains has never been a hindrance in politics.

Mitt Romney should be shaking in his Guccis.

Rick Perry threw his hair in the ring on Saturday. [...] He can rally the base as well as Michele Bachmann, and he will say or do anything—annnnnnnyyyyyyything—to win. And in today’s Republican Party, if you want to be the nominee you have to be willing to do some really crazy s--t.

Snippetry:

Like the defendant in a Stalinist show trial, Mitt has renounced everything about his prior life:
...

When you’re more open to secession than Jefferson Davis was a century and a half ago, well, you've gone pretty far.
...

Perry will claim that Texas leads the nation in jobs created. As a joke currently circulating in the Lone Star State puts it, “Sure, Perry has created thousands of jobs. I'm working three of them.”
...

Perry has flaws, huge flaws. Not the least of which is that he presided over the execution of one of his constituents, Cameron Todd Willingham, who was probably innocent. But I’m not sure that's a liability in today's Tea Party–obsessed GOP. There’s a legend in Lone Star politics that one of Perry’s Republican rivals in Texas tested the Willingham issue in a focus group. One Republican man, the story goes, squinted and said, “Well, I like that. Takes a lot of balls to execute an innocent man.”

That last line speaks volumes about what we're up against.

Update:

Tea-Paw's out, Perry's in. Apparently in the can of worms called the Repug primary, when one slithers in at the bottom, one's gotta squirt out at the top.

Good work, Brotha!

BAYVIEW, ID-A self-proclaimed skinhead was knocked unconscious by a black man after threatening to stab him last weekend in Bayview, Idaho, officials said Friday.

From Jesus’ socialism to capitalistic Christianity

This is as good an explanation of christowhacko teavangelical hypocrisy as I've seen.

Gregory Paul

Here is what is peculiar. Many conservative Christians, mostly Protestant but also a number of Catholics, have come to believe and proudly proclaim that the creator of the universe favors free wheeling, deregulated, union busting, minimal taxes especially for wealthy investors, plutocrat-boosting capitalism as the ideal earthly scheme for his human creations. And many of these Christian capitalists are ardent followers of Ayn Rand, who was one of - and many of whose followers are -- the most hard-line anti-Christian atheist/s you can get. Meanwhile many Christians who support the capitalist policies associated with social Darwinistic strenuously denounce Darwin’s evolutionary science because it supposedly leads to, well, social Darwinism!

Jesus is no free marketeer. Improving one’s earthly financial circumstances is not nearly as critical as preparing for the end times that will arrive at any minute. He does offer substantial encouragement for the poor, and warns the wealthy that they are in grave danger of blowing their prospects of reaching paradise, as per the metaphor of a rich person entering heaven being as difficult as a camel passing through the eye of the needle (a narrow passageway designed to hinder intruders). This caution makes sense: sociological research is confirming that the more securely prosperous individuals and societies are, the more likely they are to lose the faith. A basic point of core Christian doctrine is that the wealthy have no more access to heaven than anyone else (and in fact may have less), offering hope to the impoverished rejected by cults that court the elites. This remains true in Catholicism, in which being poor does not constitute evidence of a personal deficiency, and church authorities decry the excesses of unrestrained capital at the expense of social justice.

A corollary to doing right for those in need might be that Jesus likes poor people because they're more likely to believe in his pie-in-the-sky-by-and-by-when-you-die horseshit, being desperate in this earthly plane and all.

[...] This works because, as surveys show, most Christians don’t actually read the bulk of the Bible, and people are mentally skilled at dismissing the awkward passages they do come across. [...]

And the rest of 'em don't read it because they're too stupid to pour piss out of a boot if the directions were printed on the heel. Like the Constitution, the Bible must say what the people they listen to say it says.

Go read.

Choctaw Bingo

I heard this song for the first time yesterday in the truck while I was running errands. It's about crystal meth up on the Okie-Texie line. Listen close for the lyrics. It's worth it.

http://musicfog.com James McMurtry performs on the Music Fog stage at Threadgill's south. SXSW 2009.

Thanks to MusicFog.

"Corporations are my friend, people..."*

*From a 'comment' on this TPM post.

TPM

Well, that was quick. Several hours after Mitt Romney told an Iowa heckler that "corporations are people, my friend" the DNC is up with a video lampooning the quote. Featuring the smooth sounds of Barbara Streisand's "People," no less.

Note to Willard: Ya stepped on yer dick but good this time, numbnuts. Wishing you continued success at waffle-stompin' yer unit.

The good MIC comes through

I posted on the "youth bike ban" some time back when it went down and no I'm not going to go look for it. Basically it was that dirt bikes, ATVs, etc. couldn't be sold to kids because of extremely small amounts of lead alloyed into some parts such as clutch and brake levers, batteries, etc.. The kids woulda had to eat a lot of clutch levers to get lead poisoning. Batteries, not so many, but they don't eat many after the first one. They taste terrible. It got fixed. Amazing.

Basically, the new law just gives the CPSC the flexibility to use common sense in interpreting laws so oddball shit doesn't fall into unforeseen cracks like this did.

I got this via an email from my trials club, thus the reference to trials bikes. Full text below, original here.

[Hugely important to off-roading in general, and those wanting a buy a trials bike for their kids, specifically. Now it's legal...

Obama Signs CPSIA Amendment into Law Ending Ban on Youth OHVs

Youth ATVs and Dirtbikes are Categorically Excluded from Lead Content Limits

IRVINE, Calif., August 12, 2011 – President Obama signed H.R. 2715 into law today, just days after it passed the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives nearly unanimously, putting an end to an unintentional ban on youth ATVs and off-highway motorcycles that has lasted for morethan two years. The new law amends the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act (CPSIA) to categorically exclude youth ATVs and dirtbikes from the lead content provisions.

"For more than two years, the powersports industry and its riders have urged Congress to categorically exclude youth dirtbikes and ATVs from the CPSIA's lead content provisions," said Larry Little, chairman of the Motorcycle Industry Council Board of Directors. "We are gratified that our community's passion and perseverance have paid off and the ban on youth model OHVs is finally over. MIC’s Member Companies worked hard on this issue, as well as many MIC staff members, and we are especially grateful to Paul Vitrano, Kathy Van Kleeck, Duane Taylor and the MIC Government Relations Office."

Since CPSIA took effect, the Motorcycle Industry Council has been working to end the ban by providing written comment and congressional testimony, and by leading a large grass-roots effort consisting of phone calls, letters and emails that cumulatively reached well over a million.

"On behalf of riders everywhere, we thank the Congress and the President for their action on H.R. 2715 to reverse the unintended ban on youth ATVs and motorcycles," said Paul Vitrano, general counsel of the MIC. "In particular, MIC and its members thank Rep. Mary Bono Mack (R-CA) for sponsoring the bill and Rep. Denny Rehberg (R-MT) and Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-MN) for leading the Congressional effort to enact the categorical exclusion.”

The Motorcycle Industry Council exists to preserve, protect and promote motorcycling through government relations, communications and media relations, statistics and research, aftermarket programs, development of data communications standards, and activities surrounding technical and regulatory issues. As a not-for-profit, national industry association, the MIC seeks to support motorcyclists by representing manufacturers and distributors of motorcycles, scooters, motorcycle/ATV/ROV parts and accessories, and members of allied trades such as insurance, finance and investment companies, media companies and consultants
.
The MIC is headquartered in Irvine, Calif., with a government relations office in metropolitan Washington, D.C. First called the MIC in 1970, the organization has been in operation since 1914. Visit the MIC at www.mic.org.]

Thanks to Congress and President Obama for correcting this and allowing kids access to new bikes again. IMNSHO dirt bike riding is the best sport in the world for da youts of America. That may have had less impact on Congress than the fact that it's a $Billion industry. Mox nix. They did the right thing for once.

Quote of the Day

Dr. Krugman:

... When you’re bleeding profusely from an open wound, you want a doctor who binds that wound up, not a doctor who lectures you on the importance of maintaining a healthy lifestyle as you get older ...

Saturday Emmylou Blogging

Two pretty songs and some chitchat.

Emmylou Harris - Johnny Carson Tonight Show

Thanks to billwitt2010.

Yglesias Award Nominee

Andy Sullivan

"Michele Bachmann's first answer, Mark Halperin, was "I wish the federal government had defaulted." Had defaulted, a week after Americans had lost--some of them perhaps lost half of their pensions. Lost half of their 401(k)s, when trillions of dollars went down the drain [pounds the table] with Americans suffering, she said that and got applause, and if anybody thinks that guys like my dad are going to be voting that way when this rolls out of Iowa and New Hampshire and South Carolina, in the early stages, and really gets going, they are out of their mind and they are too stupid not only to prognosticate, they are too stupid to run Slurpee machines in Des Moines. I'll let you go now. I got it off my chest.

Michele Bachmann is a joke. She is a joke. And now I will pass it on to you. Her answer is a joke, her candidacy is a joke, and anybody that sits here and says she has any chance of winning anything is out of their mind. Take your straw poll, take your caucus, but Iowa, if you let her win, you prove your irrelevance once again," - Joe Scarborough (Hit the link just for grins - G).

If Bachmann is a joke, what does that make Palin?

The punch line.

Headline of the Day

Why No Democrat Will Challenge Obama

Many reasons, but cut to the chase:

[...] The voices of protest bump up against the stubborn reality of divided government. It’s possible, but not probable, that Democrats will get the 24 seats they need to regain control of the House, but there’s a stronger possibility the Republicans will take the Senate; they only need four seats. “If they have the presidency, then the Tea Party is running the country," says Schneider, and Democrats "can’t take any chance that will happen."

There you have it.

Fried butter on a stick

Un-fucking-believable.

In preparation for a day of Sarah-chasing at the fair -- which we predict will result in, oh, nothing of actual news value -- we offer you this a whiff of the Iowa State Fair. The new Heartland delicacy this Fried butter on a stick.

Here's what it looks like. We chased it with a Snickers bar on a stick.

Video. Wouldn't play. I don't blame it.

After I ordered, they asked if I wanted anything else. "How about a paramedic?" I snarked. ...and then a very worried looking woman stepped to the window. "Is everything OK?" she asked. "I'm a paramedic."

A kindly paramedic who sells fried butter on a stick. Only at The Iowa State Fair.

Fixer made reference earlier today to the kinda stuff him and me like to eat - pizza, Meskin, French - all rich and tasty as hell and loaded with stuff from inside a cow, but I think I can speak for him when I say that there comes a time to draw the line. Butter goes on stuff. It isn't stuff. Whaddya put on butter? Batter, then dip it in boiling fat, I guess. Eating a stick of butter, even, or especially, disguised by deep-frying is just plain gross on sooooooooo many levels. Yechhh.

I wish the Iowa Teavangelicals all the luck out there in the Heart Attack Belt. I hope you all connect with your death wish soon. I hope you can squeeze through them Pearly Gates.

All that said, Mrs. G said she'd try the deep-fried cheesecake. Lives on the edge, she does!

A Brief Observation on Last Night's Republican Fisticuffs (in Haiku Form)

By The Rude Poet:

Bachmann roughly fucked
Pawlenty with a large red,
white, and blue spiked cross.

(One other note: when Ron Paul is the sanest man in the room, you've got a hell of a lot of problems in your choice of candidates, GOP.)
...

(One other other note: Mitt Romney is scary.)

Yeah, ol' "Soylent Green Corporations are people!" Romney is that.

Update:

You can go see the "highlights" of the Repug talking points turkey slap here if you must. Video too.

A comment:

You mean this wasn't "American Idiot: The Musical"?

Bachmann's Auschwitz Warning

Raw Story

In a strange revelation Thursday, Mother Jones magazine unearthed a mostly forgotten 2002 movie that stars none other than Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann during her days as an education activist, warning Americans about a coming second Holocaust brought on by the U.S. public education system.
...

The film, called Guinea Pig Kids II according to the report, was made in conjunction with a conservative group called the Maple River Education Coalition. Consisting mainly of two presentations -- one by Chapman and one by Bachmann -- building upon conspiracies that sound like Glenn Beck's worst nightmares.

He goes on to assert that school-to-work programs, which help students identify core skills needed to get jobs in their chosen fields, are an echo of Nazi leader Adolf Hitler's concentration camps. Later the film shows an image of a deserted, foggy area bearing the words "Work Makes Free!," a rough translation of the phrase that hung in the Auschwitz concentration camp.

This is what our country has devolved to, that batcrap crazy right wingers like this can run for President and be taken seriously.

With the stuff me and Gordon eat ...

This comes as welcome news:

...

"In essence, we have built a replacement sphincter that we hope can one day benefit human patients," said Khalil Bitar, a professor at the institute. Bitar performed the work while on the University of Michigan faculty.

...

After a hard night of pizza and beer, or a night with the chef's tasting menu and drinks at my pal Guy's French restaurant, I have begged for something like this the next morning. Heh ...

Seriously, I applaud any medical advance that can help people live more normal lives. Good on 'em.

Great thanks to Susie for the link.