Pluckin' with power and fishin' backwards

I was just over at our pal Bustednuckles' place, Ornery Bastard. He had a heartwarming post about his Granny teaching him about food and it rang some bells in my brain, additional ones that is, and made me remember an old gent from my youth.

Scott W. McKendree of Klamath Falls, Oregon, was a business partner of my Dad's. He was in his '60s back in the mid-1950s so I'm sure it's OK to talk about him now without him coming after me.

Mr. McKendree was an outdoorsman and kind of a Gyro Gearloose who invented and marketed things, except that unlike Gyro, his stuff actually worked. One of his masterpieces was the McKendree Duck Picker (I paid $2 for mine at a garage sale). See his ad in the Sep '55 Popular Mechanics.

He was a gruff old curmudgeon, probably one of my role models as I think back on it, but he was very nice to me. He took me fishing when I was about 11 years old at the beautiful Lake of the Woods in Oregon. He taught me to tie everything to the boat so in case it turned over you wouldn't lose anything.

While we were out on the lake, the boat quit moving even though the outboard motor was running. The thing had lost its prop. Mr. McKendree rowed us to the boat dock (no power in an 11-year-old or he'da had me do it, I think) and bought a prop.

Now, he had a Johnson and the store at the dock sold Evinrude, or vice versa (Mox nix, they're one and the same today under Bombardier. Damn Canucks!). He installed the prop, fired 'er up and the boat took off backwards. The one brand of motor counter-rotated from the other.

I think it was faster to just run backwards than to try and run the motor in reverse and go forward, but in any case we finished our day of fishing. The kokanee were delicious!

Note: Kokanee are either salmon or trout or something else entirely depending on region and who you talk to. These were light brown fish that looked like and were about the same size as a stream trout. Boating them was a good fight for an 11-year-old.

One final stop on this trip down memory lane.

My Dad told me this exactly once and no one dared ask Mr. McKendree about it.

Mr. McKendree's father was murdered, shot to death, in some cattlemen versus sheepmen dispute in the early 20th century. The man who did it was later found shot to death, and the gunman was never caught. Rumor had it that Mr. McKendree avenged his father's death but nobody ever pursued it. Oregon isn't generally thought of as the Old West, but it sure as shit was. Still is.

I know how to pick my role models, huh?

The Conservative Constitution of the United States

Subtitle: Wingnuts' Wet Dream.

David Cole in WaPo.

We, the Real Americans, in order to form a more God-Fearing Union, establish Justice as we see it, Defeat Health-Care Reform, and Preserve and Protect our Property, our Guns and our Right Not to Pay Taxes, do ordain and establish this Conservative Constitution for the United States of Real America.

Article II. No person except a natural-born Citizen who can produce video, photographic or eyewitness evidence of birth in a non-island American State shall be eligible to the Office of President.

The President shall faithfully execute the laws, except when, as Commander in Chief, he decides he'd really rather not.

AMENDMENTS

1. Congress shall make no law abridging the Freedom of Speech, except where citizens desecrate the Flag of the United States; respecting an establishment of Religion, except to support Christian schools, religious apparitions in food products and the display of crosses and creches in public places; or abridging the free exercise of Religion, except to block the construction of mosques in sensitive areas as determined by Florida Pastors or the Fox News Channel.
...

12. No one may be required to do anything He or She does not want to do. Ever.

"Top Ten Little-Known Facts About John Boehner"

From January 6, 2011

From CBS.

Saturday Emmylou Blogging

One of my favorites.

From Swiss TV 1991

Emmylou Harris ~ Leaving Louisiana

Thanks to 1000Magicians, UK.

Shopping Day

Gotta head ta The Big City fer supplies and breakfast.

Besides the pain, we're in fer two years of comedy gold so I'll leave ya with this:

From CBS via BuzzFlash.

And the hits ...

Just keep on coming. Can't you all just let us kill ourselves in peace?

In the days after Great Neck Village trustees banned smoking on sidewalks in the commercial district, Mayor Ralph J. Kreitzman fielded dozens of congratulatory messages.

Among those calling or sending e-mails Thursday were representatives of some other Long Island communities.

"None have said 'We're going to follow in your footsteps,' but a number of people, including mayors, have complimented us," Kreitzman said.

...

Thank god my shitbag town doesn't have sidewalks. Un-fucking-believable ...

In some municipalities, I'm not allowed to smoke, in my own car, if there's a kid in it at the time. Hold on to the roof rack real tight, Junior.

So how long ...

Do you think the Republicans will put up with this?

WASHINGTON — Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates said Thursday that the nation’s "extreme fiscal duress" now required him to call for cuts in the size of the Army and Marine Corps, reversing the significant growth in military spending that followed the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.

...

Their "constituents" in the Military Industrial Complex will make sure full funding is restored tout suite. We have to go to war with Iran eventually; how can you cut the defense budget?

And that's why ...

America will sink farther and farther into Third World toilet-hood:

It doesn't matter what's happened over the past 30 years, there's absolutely nothing which can kill the media narrative of fiscally responsible Republicans.

As long as the Republicans have someone to blame for whatever financial mess they create, they will be "fiscally responsible". As long as the public buys into the "taxes = bad things" meme, the Republicans will be able to pull their shenanigans on their corporate patrons' behalf.

Just like last time ...

There are streets in Brooklyn and Queens that are still covered with snow and they're expecting 3" - 6" today. Good luck with that:

Some snow is headed to the New York City area starting tomorrow, and this is what Mayor Bloomberg had to say: "You can rest assured we’re going to go out there just like we did the last time. The public has a right to expect us to clean the streets and that’s exactly what we’re going to do." Um, thanks but no thanks? And where's the suggestion to see shows on Broadway?!

"Just like we did the last time" means NYC will be paralyzed for a week again. It's time to kidnap Gordon's "Berm Fairy". Heh ...

I wonder ...

How surprised "Superman's" family will be when they have to identify him in the local morgue:

AN elite band of superhero crime fighters have started patrolling a city in a bid to rid the streets of tyranny.

The band of do-gooders — decked out in the obligatory comic-book costumes — roam in search of injustice and intervene at the first opportunity.

The group's crusading antics perfectly mimic the hilarious campaign of a disgruntled school pupil in 2010 film Kick-Ass who decides to become a masked superhero.

...

Idiots. Grow the fuck up. Only in America. Hope them suits (reminds me of the Halloween Parade in Greenwich Village) are bullet-proof. It would work here in NYC; the crooks would laugh themselves to incapacitation and incontinence.

And then there's ...

The "walking through the front door fee":

Banks, in an attempt to wring more revenue out of customer accounts, are conjuring up new ways to raise fees on basic products like debit cards, cash machines and checking accounts.

...

Bend over, here it comes again.

Thanks to Chris for the link.

Ya can't make this shit up...

Birther Interrupts House Reading Of Constitution, Yells 'Help Us Jesus' (VIDEO)

O Lord, stop this pain in my...sides.

Law of the land

LATimes editorial:

On Thursday, the Constitution of the United States in its entirety will be read aloud in the House of Representatives, courtesy of the new Republican majority. The temptation, to which we succumb, is to regard the reading as a symbolic sop to the " tea party," whose adherents carry around pocket-sized copies of the Constitution.

Probably unopened. Like their Bibles. They don't need, or perhaps are afraid, to read them - they know what they want them to say.

Even so, there's no harm in a public reading of it. We only hope that those in the audience, whether tea partyers or their supporters in Congress, are willing to listen to the complete document. If they do, they'll find some of their small-government preconceptions challenged.

Their minds are made up and will not be swayed by facts or truth or reality.

Tea partyers and sympathetic representatives also should pay attention to language in Article 1 granting Congress the authority to enact "all laws which shall be necessary and proper" for executing its enumerated powers, including the right to regulate interstate commerce. We don't expect the mere recitation of this language to convert opponents of healthcare reform to the idea that an individual mandate is constitutional. But they might at least recognize that the Constitution gives Congress sweeping authority over commerce — more sweeping, perhaps, than they like.

Finally, we hope ears are pricked when the reader declaims Article VI, which declares: "This Constitution, and the laws of the United States which shall be made in pursuance thereof … shall be the supreme law of the land; and the judges in every state shall be bound thereby, anything in the Constitution or laws of any state to the contrary notwithstanding." It is impossible to reconcile this language with the belief, popular among some tea partyers, that America is a loose confederation of sovereign states.

Along with ordering the marathon reading of the Constitution, the Republicans will require that every piece of legislation refer to the part of the Constitution from which it derives its authority. If members pay close attention to the reading, they'll realize that's a pretty easy task.

Except for things they and their corporate masters don't like.

John Boehner's Big Gavel Is Flaccid

I guess my theme today is "Boehnin' on down". El Rude-o chimes in:

So the demonstrably unstable Speaker of the House, John Boehner, took his new position from Nancy Pelosi by requesting a comically large gavel. Overcompensating to the hilt, he held his surrogate penis aloft and made a speech that left the Rude Pundit wondering a few things.

[...] In other words, of course, what if Democrats acted like Republicans did during the last time the "people" voted for a monumental shift in power way back in, you know, 2008? (Note: Democrats won't do it because Fox "news" will be mean to them.)

FOXPAC will be mean to them whether they do or don't. Note to Dems: Do. Fat chance.

[...] And here's a funny one: why does it seem there will be no amendments allowed on the health care reform repeal? Is it because everyone knows the vote is just a symbolic act of worthless protest that they just want to get over with as soon as possible? A waste of time, money, and energy in order to toss a bone to the new teabagger representatives? (Hint: Yes.)

Snowball, meet Hell.

[...] So why is one of the first things Republicans are doing is crawfishing away from one of the pledge's planks on cutting spending? Is it because the whole "Pledge" bullshit was just a way of hoodwinking teabaggers into voting for the GOP and now having to actually act on it is going to prove impossible? (Hint: Yes.)

So, cool, the shiny, new House opens with a series of lies and hypocrisies, with the craven traditional Republicans trying to keep the lid on the just-elected nutzoids so they don't fuck up 2012. As for Boehner, he walked out of today's boring-ass reading of the Constitution to have a press conference. And there's all you need to know about how very serious these serious new people are in their symbolic gestures. A giant, novelty gavel, after all, is just a giant, novelty gavel.

A giant novelty penis would have been much closer to what the Repugs wish to do for to the "will of the people".

Headline of the Day

Why Is Jeff Sessions Blocking A Child Sex Trafficking Bill?

Because he's an ignorant fucking obstructionist right-wing asshole is why.

Constitutional Lessons For the New Congress

From Laura Flanders at GRITtv (video):

It might seem amusing for government officials to read a government document as proof that government is the problem, but instead of laughing, people of the progressive bent might do better to read along.

While that people's democracy of Adams and Jefferson is still a work in progress, Republican legislators don't own the Constitution. In fact, they should be held accountable to it: “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare...” Oh my! All that talk of of Common, General, and "We the People" -- don't tell Glenn Beck --it sounds like a front for socialism.

Shit, reality sounds like socialism to Miss Becky.

Right-Wingers Claim Muslim Brotherhood Has Infiltrated CPAC

The title of this post should have been "Liquid Alert!". Sorry...

TPMMuckraker

The right-wing site World Net Daily and conservative columnist Frank Gaffney came up with a new reason this week to hate the Conservative Political Action Conference, arguing that it has been infiltrated by the Muslim Brotherhood thanks to Grover Norquist, the Republican group Muslims For America, and Ex-Bush staffer Suhail Khan.

Too bad it's not true. It could only improve CPAC, bring it more to the center.

Gaffney has been a go-to shariah "expert" on the right for some time -- he even testified against a proposed mosque project in Murfreesboro, TN, and then said on CNN that the purpose of mosques "is to destroy western civilization from within."

"Every one of his assertions is completely untrue," Khan said, adding that Gaffney "doesn't want to let a few silly facts in the way of good story."

Khan also described how Gaffney has "become completely marginalized in the conservative movement," and describes the article as a "tempter tantrum given that he is being ignored."

Gaffney ignored? Too bad that's not true either. He gets on TV all he time and not just FOXPAC.

The one thing I agree with him on is that we both hate Grover Norquist, but Gaffney thinks Norquist's too far left.

Gaffney's the wingnut whackjob of which there's no whackjobier. The clown is so far right, he's on his own left. World Net Daily is a good place for him. One round can get 'em all.

The Crying Shame of John Boehner

Go read Matt Taibbi on John Bœhner:

The Democrats have plenty of creatures like Boehner. But in the new Speaker of the House, the Republicans own the perfect archetype — the quintessential example of the kind of glad-handing, double-talking, K Street toady who has dominated the politics of both parties for decades. In sports, we talk about athletes who are the "total package," and that term comes close to describing Boehner's talent for perpetuating our corrupt and debt-addled status quo: He's a five-tool insider who can lie, cheat, steal, play golf, change his mind on command and do anything else his lobbyist buddies and campaign contributors require of him to get the job done.

Others in Washington see Boehner not so much as a bloodless partisan but as a clueless yutz, one who rose to power through a combination of accidents and bureaucratic inertia. "He's just sort of like, 'Oh, how did I get here?'" says one Democratic aide. "I think of him sort of as a big Saint Bernard to [new Republican Majority Leader] Eric Cantor's yapping Chihuahua." Boehner is the butt of a lot of jokes around the Hill, with his wino eyes, perennial Crayola-orange tan and phallic surname providing even members of his own party with endless comic material. (George Bush, famous for giving colleagues nicknames, called Boehner "Boner.") His pseudo-acceptance speech on the night in November when Republicans retook the House was brilliant clown theater, a Wayne's World version of a right-wing political rally. At the very moment when millions of GOP voters were celebrating their ouster of the great socialist enemy Obama in the name of patriotism and liberty, Boehner was tearing up over what an awesome job he had finally scored for himself.

Boehner, in short, has for most of his career been a Bush Republican, i.e., a corporate schmoozer and a remorseless spender of taxpayer money for whom the notion of small government is just something to say when the cameras are on, or when the public money in question might go to poor people or immigrants or other such unlikely golfers. This was a fine way to be during the 2000s, back when America was still unfucked enough to enjoy a phony real estate boom and launch recreational wars of conquest in the Middle East — but in this new decade, post-Bush and post-crash, there is serious doubt on the Hill that a reflexive favor-churner like Boehner will be able to keep delivering Republican votes to lavish taxpayer money on his industry pals. Money is simply too tight now, and people are too pissed off.

Things are different now. America is so broke, there's no longer really any money in the Treasury to give away — the job of overseeing corporate handouts that used to belong to the leaders of Congress has now moved to the Federal Reserve, which itself is so broke that it has to invent dollars out of thin air before it can give them away to influential billionaires. This leaves congressional leaders with nothing to do but their ostensible jobs — i.e., fixing the country's actual problems — and few of the current leaders have any experience with that, Boehner being a prime example. The new speaker represents an increasingly endangered class of Beltway jobholders who know how to raise money and get elected, but not much beyond that. He now finds himself the party's last line of defense against millions of angry voters who, for the first time in recent memory, are at least attempting to watch what Congress is up to. The tee times are over.

A teachable moment ...

If the Rethugs were capable of learning, something might rub off:

The new Republican majority has ordered that the United States Constitution be read on the floor of the House of Representatives on Thursday, the day after new lawmakers are sworn in. Congressional historians say they believe this has been done only twice before.

...

But, in the end, it'll probably be just a whole lotta hot air.

The great impending OMG of 2011

If it's Wednesday, it's Morford looking back at 2010.

It was, to my slippery and wayward mind, one of the wonkiest, wobbliest, most sputteringly interesting years in ages, full of sound and fury and shrill, insufferable conservatism signifying nothing, but in a way that makes it seem like, you know, everything.

Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens was killed in a plane crash. Dick Cheney still refused to die from another heart attack. A leathery hunk of confused hate named Terry Jones didn't burn the Koran outside a rancid little "church" somewhere in Florida, but not before he got the attention of the president himself, which is bizarre and disorienting in a way that makes you sort of cringe. And then shrug, sigh and move the hell on.

We have a name for this whipsaw socioemotional glop in journalism. It's the same one they use in fiction, in poetry, in TV, in skywriting and greeting cards, call-in radio and cave paintings, Facebook status updates and homoerotic text messages sent from Gucci-clad Atlanta pastors to young boys in heat.

We call it storytelling.

[...] Still, pan far enough out, it's all just a spectacularly vain extravaganza. Just ask the graveyard.

Much, much more. Do not deny yourself. Go read.