Here be Dragons ...

And other strange beasts:

Stolen from the Fundies Say The Darndest Things FB page.

The Jukebox in my mind ...

Neil Young - Mansion On The Hill

Gotta go see the Jamaicans on the hill later. Heh ...

Andrew Breitbart: Death of a Douche

Matt Taibbi. Firsrt and last ¶.

So Andrew Breitbart is dead. Here’s what I have to say to that, and I’m sure Breitbart himself would have respected this reaction: Good! Fuck him. I couldn’t be happier that he’s dead.
...

But he also had enough of a sense of humor to appreciate why someone like me shouldn’t bother to pretend I’m sad he’s dead. He wouldn’t, in my place. So to use one of his favorite words: Good riddance, cocksucker.* Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Too nice a eulogy for that rat bastid, but Taibbi's famous for being just a sentimental pussycat.

Here's most of what all the fuss is about...

Here's what the conservatards are still pissed off about - the gals told 'em ta shove it once and for all, in a country song no less.

"The Pill" is a 1975 country music song recorded by Loretta Lynn. It is one of her best known songs as well as the most controversial record of her career.

Thanks to lorettafan1.

Saturday Emmylou Blogging

"Stingy Brim" Buddy Miller on guitar.


Emmylou Harris ~ How She Could Sing The Wildwood Flower

Thanks to cweiandnd.

Rushbo is a little confused

From The Rude Pundit because it was the first print I ran across on the intellectual head of the Repuglican't party spouting off once again on something he knows nothing about:

Why go before a congressional committee and demand that all of us -- because they want to have sex any time, as many times and as often as they want, with as many partners as they want -- should pay for it?"

Well, of course we're not paying for it. Their health insurance is, but here's my point:

Rush, contraception for women is different for them than it is for you. They don't need to take a pill for every sexual encounter in the same manner as you taking one Viagra and using one condom per act with your Dominican rent-boy.

I can see that's more expensive for you seeing as how you have to have your size XXS condoms custom-made. Or do you get the Repug House & Senate discount?

But think of the savings on Viagra, only needing a quarter of a pill each time lest a whole one blow your little miniaturized pecker to smithereens!

No outdoorsman is Neut

Gingrich: You can’t put a dead deer on a Volt

Sure you can. He was wrong about the gun rack as well but you don't have to shoot them. He hasn't driven in my neck of the woods. The Volt has a passenger seat, doesn't it? Around here, the deer come in through the windshield.

That's more of a problem with low-slung passenger cars than it is with the pickups the hunters drive. Some of our hunters put their deer tags on the front bumper, get a six-pack and hit the road. Their chances of success are very good.

Oklahoma state senator’s sign

Raw Story

Explaining to a local reporter that she’d just borrowed the sign from a protester, she remarked: “I was like, I’ve got to have a picture of it.”

“I thought if my 87-year-old mother sees this, I’m going to get hell this weekend, but it was too late,” McIntyre added, according to NewsOK.com.

It's worth it! Good work, Senator!

Top 5 Stratfor Revelations So Far

Interesting. Juan Cole. My favorite:

4. Russia sold weapons to Iran but turned around and gave their security codes to Israel.

From the link:

According to the leaked document, Israel gave Russia the "data link codes" for unmanned aerial vehicles that the Jewish state sold to Georgia, and in return, Russia gave Israel the codes for Tor-M1 missile defense systems that Russia sold Iran.

Heh. When it comes to Machiavellian machinations we are babes in the woods compared to these people and we are pretty much their patsy - whatever happens, we'll be left holding the bag.

Speaking of which:

From an article entitled "On Iran Strike, Israelis Trust Obama Over Bibi":

It has been said that Saudi Arabia is ready to fight Iran to the last American soldier. Perhaps AIPAC and the McCain-Graham-Lieberman axis of warmongering are ready to fight Iran to the last Israeli.

But I digress. From Dr. Cole's last ¶:

This fifth point, about the one percent interpreting the world for the one percent as being about the one percent, is a dire problem in our information system, since the one percent has the resources and can try to overwhelm reasoned analysis that recognizes the agency of the people.

From the first of many comments:

...it makes much more sense for the US to retain Assange, rather than indite him.

No shit, but we're not that smart. It's more important politically to silence whistleblowers and truthtellers than it is to make good use of them. The 1% rule and they want to keep it that way.

Final thought on Breitbart

My own Dance Of Joy is in violation of the Geneva Convention. Also every "clothes must be worn" dress code everywhere. This one is nearly as good. May those wingnut assholes start dropping like flies and this be the first of many!

Rhiannon Giddens of the Carolina Chocolate Drops gets her dance on while the band plays some drum and fife music.

Thanks to bonnarooblogs.

Obama's Most Dangerous GOP Opponent: Netanyahu

I agree with Andrew Sullivan:

Netanyahu and his advisers briefed a group of senators and senior congressmen during the past two weeks on the Iranian issue, and asked them to pressure Obama on the matter. Last week, Netanyahu met a group of five senior senators over lunch, headed by Sen. John McCain, who ran four years ago against Obama for president. Netanyahu reportedly told the senators he was not interfering in U.S. politics and expected U.S. officials not to interfere in Israeli politics either.

So Netanyahu gets McCain - the president's last electoral opponent - to make the following public statement:

"There should be no daylight between America and Israel in our assessment of the [Iranian] threat. Unfortunately there clearly is some."

And the "unfortunately" is clearly, in McCain's view, Obama's fault.

So Israelis are deeply conflicted on this - something you won't find reported every day on the op-ed page of the Washington Post. That's why Netanyahu desperately needs US cover for an attack; and is furious he cannot simply push them around as he was once wont to do. Nonetheless, he has a united Republican front in Romney, Santorum and Gingrich, funded by Greater Israel fanatics like Sheldon Adelson, and in desperate need of a way to ignite the Christianist base. He will have a chunk of Democrats as well - and next week's AIPAC conference to beat the drums for war. He also has the potential to send oil to $7 a gallon by election day - and tip Europe and the world into both a new terror crisis and a deeper, longer recession. All of this is leverage to get Obama to do something of enormous risk to the Middle East, the West and the wider world, and launch a war that America, rather than Israel, would have to own.

Note to Barry: Israel doesn't want to go down the shitter all by itself. You could really impress ol' Bibi by learning to say "fuck off" in Hebrew.

Andrew Breitbart in Hell: A Fantasia

Do not miss this stirring account of Breitbart's journey so the devil can collect the soul he paid for.

At first, he thought he was on an drug trip, it happened so fast; his soul popped out of him like a cork on a shaken champagne bottle. He saw his corporeal form on the ground and thought it was a wacky out of body experience, perhaps some flashback from the time he licked LSD off Michelle Malkin's ass cheeks, perhaps some residual peyote dream from that Western walkabout he did with Sean Hannity, when they got naked and rubbed each other with red dirt until they howled out that they wanted to kill the Indians again. Those thoughts quickly pushed out of his head as he arced and began to descend from the air and into the filthy ground below. "Fuck, I had a post to finish where I called the President a rape-enabler" was his last thought as he went underground.

Adios, motherfucker. Enjoy your reward. You earned it.

Straight news update:

Andrew Breitbart's death to be reviewed by L.A. County coroner

Perhaps he passed an agent of good with an umbrella and they'll find a poison BB in his little nutsack. Damn good aim.

Batcrap Crazy Repug Outrage of the Day

There are so many of those that I have to be a little selective. This one takes the fucking cake:

Wonkette

WI Senator Wants Law Saying Single Parents Are Probably Child Abusers

Reducing rates of child abuse and neglect is a topic everyone can agree is important. Now, says Wisconsin state Senator Glenn Grothman, let us consult the Ouija board to figure out which entire category of people make up the secret witches behind this evil and make a law telling everyone to hurl poop and screams at them! What is that look, this is how it’s always done, as a Republican. So which lucky group gets to be the demon this time? Gays? Mexicans? Blacks? Homeless polar bears? Public school teachers? People who use the word “football” to refer to “soccer?” The abused children themselves? Let’s check the text of the bill: “In promoting those campaigns and materials, the [Child Abuse and Neglect Prevention Board] shall emphasize nonmarital parenthood as a contributing factor to child abuse and neglect.” Single parents! Let’s murder them all and end child abuse, forever.

Un-fucking-believable. How do these Repug assholes come up with shit like this?

I take back the fucking cake and give it to this asshole update:

Illinois House Candidate: Holocaust Is The ‘Blackest Lie In History’

Jones, who says he is challenging Rep. Dan Lipinski (D) seat because of Lipinski’s Israel policies, says that he’s “the only guy in the state of Illinois against the Israeli lobby.” So far, he’s collected 1,000 signatures to get on the ballot, but the state Republican Party is refusing to let him on because of his views. “I didn’t know believing in the Holocaust became a requirement for public office,” Jones said.

The Holocaust isn't something you "believe in", asshole. It's not like your fucking Bible. The Holocaust actually happened.

It's hard to believe we have Holocaust deniers in this country in this age and time, but we do. And we know without being told what party they're in.

See you in Hell ...

Couldn'ta happened to a nicer guy:

Conservative writer and website publisher Andrew Breitbart died of natural causes at Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center about midnight, sources told The Times.

The exact cause of death was unclear, said the sources, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the case was ongoing.

It's also unclear if he was stricken at the hospital or another location.

"Andrew passed away unexpectedly from natural causes shortly after midnight this morning in Los Angeles," Breitbart.com said. "We have lost a husband, a father, a son, a brother, a dear friend, a patriot and a happy warrior. "

...

I hope it was slow and painful.

"...the loony right is a clear and present danger"

And yer point is...? Robert Reich

As Santorum and Romney Battle for the Loony Right, the Rest of Us Should Not Gloat

Sorry, Bobby, we've had it coming since 2001, maybe since 1980, we're enjoying the shit out of it, and we're going to gloat until gloating is filled.

My father was a Republican for the first 78 years of his life. For the last twenty, he’s been a Democrat (he just celebrated his 98th.) What happened? “They lost me,” he says.
...

A party of birthers, creationists, theocrats, climate-change deniers, nativists, gay-bashers, anti-abortionists, media paranoids, anti-intellectuals, and out-of-touch country clubbers cannot govern America.

Oh sure they can. They can govern it right into the ground. They sure want to. This country has many riches they haven't stolen yet.

The GOP’s drift toward loopyness started in 1993 when Bill Clinton became the first Democrat in the White House in a dozen years – and promptly allowed gays in the military, pushed through the Brady handgun act, had the audacity to staff his administration with strong women and African-Americans, and gave Hillary the task of crafting a national health bill. Bill and Hillary were secular boomers with Ivy League credentials who thought government had a positive role to play in peoples’ lives.

This was enough to stir right-wing evangelicals in the South, social conservatives in the Midwest and on the Great Plains, and stop-at-nothing extremists in Washington and the media who hounded Bill Clinton for eight years, then stole the 2000 election from Al Gore, and Swift-boated John Kerry in 2004.

They were not pleased to have a Democrat back in the White House in 2008, let alone a black one. They rose up in the 2010 election cycle as “tea partiers” and have by now pushed the GOP further right than it has been in more than eighty years. Even formerly sensible senators like Olympia Snowe, Orrin Hatch, and Dick Lugar are moving to the extreme right in order to keep their seats.

At this rate the GOP will end up on the dust heap of history. [...]

I live for the day.

Note to Bobby: Yo, dude, seeing as how you're a perfesser at UC Berzerkeley and a lot closer to the problem than I am, hows about going over to the law school and beatin' the ever-lovin' crap outta John Yoo for us?

Quote of the Day II

MoDo

Mitt Romney needs to be left alone to limp across the finish line, so he can devote his full time and attention to losing to President Obama.

When the entertainment dies down, that's exactly what will happen. That's been what's going to happen all along.

Headline of the Day

Stratfor Is a Joke and So Is Wikileaks for Taking It Seriously

Just sayin'...

Disappointment in Virginia

Here's another one of these. Yeah, yeah, I know. This one's a little too close for comfort.

Via BuzzFlash.

Please join my Tantric yoga sex cult

If it's Wednesday it's yoga at Morford's place!

So then. As a longtime Vinyasa teacher here in San Francisco (12 years and counting), as someone who's taught with and/or trained with a large number of major teachers across most popular styles you can name, as a devoted Shaiva Tantra adherent, and also and as someone who enjoys many happily debauched Burning Mans and isn't afraid to mention lube and ecstasy, anal sex and whisky, God and love, Wicca and a fine grass-fed steak all in the same paragraph -- as someone, finally, who has had his body, heart, relationships, worldview and entire life reshaped and blown wide open in a thousand challenging, painful, radiant ways as a result of a dedicated yoga practice, often I'm asked, "So? Is it true? Is it really a weird sex cult?"

I am tempted to answer: "How did you get this number, Mr. Santorum?"

Read the rest. Things will tingle...

Congrats ...

I've been a fan of the Beeb since I first went to Europe 45 years ago. I know, wherever I go in the world, I can catch up with what's going on thanks to them. Happy 80th to the BBC World Service:

The BBC World Service - which marks its 80th birthday on Wednesday - was broadcast only on shortwave back in 1932. Today, audiences on FM, digital radio and the internet are growing fast while shortwave is in decline, but for millions it remains a lifeline.

...

Awww ...

No "navy on wheels":

CODY, Wyoming (Reuters) – In a sign of rising consumer confidence prevailing over go-it-alone pessimism in the Cowboy State, Wyoming lawmakers on Tuesday narrowly defeated a “doomsday bill” to help the state prepare for a total collapse of the U.S. government and economy.

The bill, rejected on a 30-27 vote by the state House of Representatives, would have allocated $16,000 for a panel of legislators and emergency managers to study various measures, including a new state-issued currency, for handling a range of apocalyptic scenarios.

...

I was sorta hoping they would come up with some serious crazy once the bill was passed, and I certainly couldn't wait to see how they would flood half the state so they could build a navy.

Dear Wyoming,

You already have a security force in case of disaster. It's called the National Guard, you twats.

Regards,

Fixer

The Central Scrutinzer ...

A commentary on what the Republicans plan for us. If you read the liner notes for Frank Zappa's Joe's Garage album, you'll find he predicted our current state of affairs quite well. If the GOP and the 'baggers get their way, there will be a "Central Scrutinizer" soon enough. Throughout his life, the people who worried Zappa the most were those like the Frothy Mixture, who think their god is the only god and all of us should live our lives according to his dictates.

"We take you now, to a garage in Canoga Park ..."

The end ...

Of the Frothy Mixture? The farther 'out there' he gets, the closer he gets to handing the nom to the Mittster:

...

That process reached its peak when he told a tea party crowd outside Detroit that President Obama wants to send more kids to college so he could turn them into liberals. The comment went viral, and likely did not do Santorum many favors outside the ultra-conservative base.

The social issues fight has left Santorum severely wounded when it comes to courting independents and moderate Republicans. None of the views he espoused in the run-up to Michigan were new, but they were resurfaced all at once, taking his campaign’s blue collar economic message off track. Now, no matter what Santorum says, he’s the social issue guy.

Then there were Santorum’s on-the-ground tactics. He didn’t have much time to assemble a campaign here, and was notoriously understaffed throughout. Still, his message resonated and polls showed things were very close heading into Tuesday’s vote. Then Santorum decided to pull out all the stops, firing up a robocall effort that appeared to piggyback off the existing progressive effort to get Democrats to crossover and vote for Santorum as a means to hurt Romney.

Though it may have seemed like smart politics, the optics proved hard to swallow even for his supporters.

...

Too bad. All of the entertaining ones have shot themselves in the foot. When even the crazy people think you're too crazy, you got problems. It would be nice if Mitt had a little of that. Ineptitude ain't as entertaining as bug house loony.

Quote of the Day

President Obama:

...

In a boisterous, excited tone, President Obama continued, criticizing Republicans who said “the workers made out like bandits in all of this; that saving the American auto industry was just about paying back unions. Really? I mean, even by the standards of this town, that’s a load of you-know-what.”

...

When Rick Santorum Was a Snob

A college perfesser his own self, Dr. Rude-O lays into some frothy mixture:

The proper response to former Senator Rick Santorum calling Barack Obama "a snob" over the President's desire for every American to get further education (although Santorum seemed to think Obama just wanted everyone to get cultural studies degrees from Ivy League universities or, perhaps, as safety schools, small liberal arts colleges) is, truly, "Why aren't your hands filthy from work, Mr. Coal Miner's Grandson? And who the fuck are you to say what's elitist, Mr. BA/MBA/JD?" (Please note that Santorum has more degrees than Obama. Please also note that it did not turn Santorum into a progressive drone.)

What galled Santorum is the idea that "everyone" should go to college, which is not what Obama said, but, hey, "facts" never get in the way of a good applause line to the yahoos.

The Rude Pundit's gonna pull rank again here. He's a professor at a college where most of the students come from working and lower-middle-class backgrounds. He's been there at graduation and met their parents who never had the chance to get an education beyond high school. They don't ask if what their kids learned was liberal or conservative. They were just glad that, now, all those jobs out there that have a college degree as a minimum requirement were open to their kids. They were just glad that they learned something about the world.

Rick Santorum actually is guilty of the rankest kind of elitism: the kind that says you shouldn't aspire to something more than what you were born into. But, then again, his economic policies pretty much assure that some people, like, you know, the Santorums, stay on top while everyone else takes jobs fixing his cars or plumbing.

One other thing: a motherfucker who says believes that the government of the nation should be following the morality of a certain church really has no business talking about who is indoctrinating whom.

Damn, I hope FM's the nominee! Too bad he won't be.

By the way, Obama's right - 4-year colleges aren't for everybody. I tried it. Twice. It sucked. I spent the better part of forty years doing something I love - being around motorcycles 24/7 - due to a fine vocational education at L.A. Trade-Tech's College Of Motersickle Knowledge. Made a lot of good friends and met Mrs. G while I was there. You could say it gave my life a holeshot down the path I chose.

The beers are on Merkel

Via TPM.



Notice how Ms. Merkel does not seem to notice. Methinks 'twas not her first brauski of the day. Knowing how Germans enjoy their beer, the first of the day was probably the one she brushed her teeth with.

In Santorum's Germany, God forbid, the waiter would be charged with "spilling his seed". Heh.

Chastity Belt Manufacturers’ Association Endorses Rick Santorum

The New York Crank

Washington, D.C.: The American Association of Chastity Belt Manufacturers today endorsed former U.S. Senator Rick Santorum in his campaign to become Republican nominee for the Presidency of the United States.
...

In recent years they had become discouraged until Santorum announced his candidacy. The manufacturers believe Santorum is the candidate most likely to institute government programs mandating the use of chastity belts on women until they are wed, and in some cases well after marriage if their husbands choose.
...

Encouraged by the medieval revivalist atmosphere enveloping Santorum, a few of the chastity belt manufacturers have also begun developing branded new products. Among them are stainless steel witch-dunking stools and fireproof stakes, which can be re-used many times for burning heretics, according to the manufacturer.

"These are the finest new anti-witch devices in eight hundred years," said LaPoubel.

And that, folks, is Conservative "progress". Go read about the new I-belt® smart phone app!

2012 or Never

Never's fine. Jonathan Chait in NY Mag. A 'must read'.

Republicans are worried this election could be their last chance to stop history. This is fear talking. But not paranoia.

The Republican Party is in the grips of many fever dreams. But this is not one of them. To be sure, the apocalyptic ideological analysis — that “freedom” is incompatible with Clinton-era tax rates and Massachusetts-style health care — is pure crazy. But the panicked strategic analysis, and the sense of urgency it gives rise to, is actually quite sound. The modern GOP—the party of Nixon, Reagan, and both Bushes—is staring down its own demographic extinction. Right-wing warnings of impending tyranny express, in hyperbolic form, well-grounded dread: that conservative America will soon come to be dominated, in a semi-permanent fashion, by an ascendant Democratic coalition hostile to its outlook and interests. And this impending doom has colored the party’s frantic, fearful response to the Obama presidency.

The GOP has reason to be scared. [...]

4 pages later, the last sentence:

[...] The deepest effect of Obama’s election upon the Republicans’ psyche has been to make them truly fear, for the first time since before Ronald Reagan, that the future is against them.

Kinda makes me wonder if the dinosaurs saw their end coming after the meteor hit.

It's time ...

To retire the Costa Crociere brand.

A cruise ship owned by the same company that operated the ill-fated Costa Concordia has been rescued by a French fishing vessel.

The Costa Allegra is now being towed to the Seychelles.

The ship had been drifting without power since Monday when a fire knocked out its generators.

...

Carnival Cruises (Costa's parent company) share price has fallen considerably since Concordia ran aground and this certainly can't help. At this point, you wouldn't get me aboard a Costa ship and I'm not the only one.

Yes ...

Let's build a navy. Landlocked? Why should that matter?

Sometimes when you start with a good idea it can grow and get wildly out of control. Consider the efforts of Wyoming to set guidelines in the event of the total economic and political collapse of the United States. Being infested with Republicans and Teabaggers, it must seem like a real possibility to the people of the Cowboy State.

...

"Balls, luck, and talent"

There was some racing this past weekend in my neck of the woods too! This is Big Business around here. A little pleasant diversion. Enjoy.

The 2012 Rahlves Banzai continues to deliver and the Feb 24th Banzai at Alpine Meadows did not disappoint, with high-speed, hair-raising action. Tahoe TV was there and caught this...

Thanks to TahoeTV.

Ghastly Old Party

Good read by MoDo.

He said his party is “coming to grips with a weaker field than we’d all want” and going through the five stages of grief. “We’re at No. 4,” he said. (Depression.) “We’ve still got one to go.” (Acceptance.)

The contenders in the Hester Prynne primaries are tripping over one another trying to be the most radical, unreasonable and insane candidate they can be. They pounce on any traces of sanity in the other candidates — be it humanity toward women, compassion toward immigrants or the willingness to make the rich pay a nickel more in taxes — and try to destroy them with it.

President Obama has deranged conservatives just as W. deranged liberals. The right’s image of Obama, though, is more a figment of its imagination than the left’s image of W. was.

We knew that...

The Republicans, with their crazed Reagan fixation, are a last-gasp party, living posthumously, fighting battles on sex, race, immigration and public education long ago won by the other side.

They’re trying to roll back the clock, but time is passing them by.

Faster, time, faster!

Brain Dead at Daytona

Maddowblog

The Democratic National Committee is suggesting that Mitt Romney made another out of touch remark this morning during a tour at the Daytona 500 in which Romney said that while he does not "closely" follow racing he does "have great some friends who are NASCAR team owners."

Update: In case it seemed as if Romney's NASCAR visit wasn't awkward enough, this was pretty remarkable, too: "[T]he crowd initially booed Mr. Romney, who occasionally struck a discordant note, as when he approached a group of fans wearing plastic ponchos. 'I like those fancy raincoats you bought,' he said. 'Really sprung for the big bucks.'"

What a dork, I hope he goes back to Daytona for Bike Week. Let's see how he does with tits and tattoos. Heh.

Bottom Of The Barrel

And beyond.

Thanks to oldfartrants and a tip o' the Brain to deuddersun who may be one and the same.

Oh, the irony...

Ironic Times

After Messy Primaries, Republicans Consider Changing Nominating Process
Nominee would be selected by handful of nation's wealthiest men, behind closed doors, smoking cigars.

GM Now Sells More Cars in China Than in U.S.
As Mao said, “Let a thousand Buicks bloom.”

Seven in Ten Americans Believe Devil is Real
Evenly split on whether he's Democrat or Republican.

Not around here...

Quote of the Day

Mr. Philadelphia:

Decades later, it's amazing how the effectiveness of the strategy, in the US and abroad, of demonizing the poor for getting a few extra bucks per week, while rich assholes take all the money, persists.

Daytona Rained Out

This is more fun than watching all those stinky race cars anyway. Straight from Dom Rep TV.

Yasmina La Reina De La Bachata ~ De Amor No Muere Nadie

Thanks to CongueritoRD.

Daytona Update

Rain delay. With the last minute addition of some frothy mixture it's gonna be a slippery track.

Here's the 26 Ford Fusion driven by Tony Raines:



Article here.

Mr. Raines got the sponsorship at the last minute and qualified 41st in a field of 42. Santorum has about the same chance of being President as Mr. Raines does of winning the Daytona 500. I hope the 42nd car is sponsored by Ron Paul or Neutie. Heh.

A win for the Santorum car – or even a good run – would out-do his Republican rival Mitt Romney, who is expected to attend the race but likely won't be part of the pre-race ceremonies.

Rumor (ahem) has it that Willard pulled out of a Daytona 500 sponsorship at the last minute when he accidentally discovered the car was a Toyota.

Update Update:

I couldn't resist posting this most excellent photo. I think Willard's brain-dead in terms of situational awareness. The photog or interviewer who walked him into that shot is an evil genius. I hope he's on our side. Heh.

Santorum Makes Campaign Swing Through Seventeenth Century

Andy Borowitz used to be a humorist. It appears he's a straight journalist these days.

At the first stop of his ambitious journey, Mr. Santorum restated his reason for seeking the White House: "I am running for President today because the position of Spanish Inquisitor is no longer available."

The former Pennsylvania Senator served up red meat to his seventeenth-century supporters, telling them, "Since we all agree that contraception is a bad idea, it's time to take a harder look at electricity and soap."

Mr. Santorum, who said that in his first day in office he would repeal the Age of Enlightenment, stressed that he had home-schooled all seven of his children: "That means there are at least eight people in this country who don't understand evolution."

In a lighter moment, Sen. Santorum told his audience what he said was his favorite joke: "A Kenyan, a Muslim and a socialist walk into a bar. And then he makes everyone get an abortion."

Quote of the Day

Fez:

Are we really now living in a world where sending your kids to college is a bad idea because President Obama thinks it's a good idea?

Short answer: Yes.