Monday, November 15, 2004

Our Tax Dollars Protecting Us

Dave Barry cracks me up. His message is clear: You must properly dispose of hazardous waste lest the sheeple panic.
So the nation was on High Random Fear Alert when the young man disposed of his poopy pants. Unfortunately, he elected to toss the garbage bag next to a municipal reservoir, where he was spotted by an Erie Water Works employee, who found the bag and reported it to the police, who closed all the streets in the area and called out the Bomb Squad and the Hazardous Materials Response Team. The Water Works department shut down the reservoir and warned the public to conserve water, a move that caused concerned residents to deluge the police with phone calls

This one may hold special immediacy, and hopefully not impending disaster, for Knox Rover. I'm always looking out for you, kid. Better late than never.
Our next piece of breaking news is a short newspaper item sent in July by alert reader Doe Clark. The article, headlined 'Officials Crack Down on 'Bathtub' Cheese,'' begins as follows: ''San Diego County health officials warned against buying or eating cheeses made in bathtubs that were being sold door to door.''

It is not totally clear, from this wording, whether it is the cheese that is being sold door to door, or the bathtubs. To be on the safe side, we urge residents of San Diego County to avoid both bathing AND eating suspicious cheese, lest you wind up becoming ill and producing what gastroenterologists refer to as an ''Erie Special.''

I love these internets.

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