Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Lick my FIAT

Mark Morford on small cars:

Here's the good news: while small, stylish, efficient cars from every major automaker are racing back into vogue, these are not the tiny, tinny piece-of-crap econo-boxes of yore -- not all of them, anyway. Many of these cars look to be surprisingly refined, cool and quirky creations, made with actual thought put into their handling, their form, their feel and curve and line, not just how many squeaky, spine-jarring miles you can eke out from a $3 gallon of Satan's blood.

So, the big question: Should you give a damn? Should you be excited about any of it, especially if you're not much of a car person? It seems like you should.

Here's why: firstly, this whole "small & refined" thing is foreign as hell for loping, gluttonous America. We've always equated size with value, and bigger equals better. Giant food. Giant homes. Giant colons. Giant egos. Giant athletes, giant pay scales and a giant God who can out-god your god. What about style, sophistication and a touch of simple humility? That's for Eurosnobs and metrosexuals. Give me the XXL triple meat pizza with the liquid cheese crust and the free pound of breadsticks, then inject it straight into my left coronary artery as I pass through the drive-thru in my blinged-out Expedition XL on my way to the tailgate party. Thanks.

But something appears to have gone horribly wrong with the "go big or go home" credo. Turns out our big wars have both failed, and our big economy collapsed, and our big McMansion market crashed and burned. Supersizing everything resulted in millions of people becoming sick and obese, and all the sports heroes of the "go big" era turned out to be jacked on steroids. The final nail in the oversized coffin? China bought the entirely silly Hummer brand for about three dollars and some stale rice noodles. Perfect.

Please enjoy the rest.

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