Data reveals few immigrants, minorities in heaven
COLORADO SPRINGS, CO — A new study released this week confirms what many Americans have long suspected: that they are more likely than people from other countries to go to Heaven. The study found that nearly 75% of the people currently in Heaven were originally American citizens. By contrast, the same researchers found that Hell, largely avoided by Americans, is populated mostly by Europeans including large numbers of French, Dutch, and Danish.
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The study, the largest of its kind, was based on registration data collected at the entry to the Kingdom of Heaven between 1999 and 2009. Researchers discarded registration materials that were filled out in languages other than English, the language that the Bible was original written in. They also eliminated Heaven entrance forms that were completed in English but indicated a non-US originating address, including those from the United Kingdom, Australia, Jamaica and New Zealand.
The research provides a definitive answer to one question that had proved baffling to experts: is President Obama bound for heaven? The data says no, notes Dr. Myer. “As a Muslim he’s more likely to end up in Paradise or what’s known as Jannatu al-Ma`wa.” Adding to the president’s long odds: few Kenyans were found to reside in heaven. “The president would have a much better shot of getting through the Pearly Gates if he was a Christian and had been born here,” says Myers.
What accounts for the strong presence of Americans in Heaven? Afterlife analysts say that Americans are more likely than citizens of other countries to find themselves bound for eternal happiness because they are Christian, God’s chosen religion. Add to that the fact that most Americans support positions that Jesus Christ would likely endorse were He alive today — including small government, low taxes on upper income citizens and Social Security privatization — and the over-representation of US-born citizens in the New Jerusalem is no mystery, say experts.
Well, I'm glad that's cleared up.
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