Note to Hermie

Herman Cain Denies That Palestinian People Exist

Dude, it's obvious that you're doubling down on the crazy to try to get out of this mess you created and then stepped in deeper than you could have ever imagined, but on the surface you're going about it the wrong way. The whackos in the Dead End Quarter fuckin' love it! You underestimated their stupidity, didn't you? Screwed yerself good! Heh. If you want to get out now you need to say something sane.

You damn near did it with your first stance on abortion which I understood perfectly - you are personally against it but it's a woman's right to choose - but then you muddied it all up. That might yet work, though.

Then there's your TV ad. Brilliant on all counts! That was the absolutely creepiest thing I've seen! Your little death-grin at the end is a masterpiece! Plus, it's comedy gold and so will be seen by many, many normal voters.

You can't just drop out because you don't want to be seen as a quitter.

It has become obvious to me that you are really a far-thinking man. You're a big favorite amongst the idiots who vote in Repug primaries and the writing on the wall, misspelled as it is, says you might just win the primary and the nomination even though the Repug power people have already chosen Willard, but that might fall through.

You, like Willard, are already running for the general election. You know the relatively sane American voters will never, ever, make a know-nothing egocentric arrogant SOB like you President. Not again. We remember the Chimp.

Sleep well, my brother. We'll fix this mess for you. You will get your 11th-hour reprieve from a job you don't want and aren't qualified for on election day if it comes to that.