Satan Speaks to Santorum

Channelled by our ol' pal RJ Eskow.

But listen -- and I really shouldn't do this -- I'm not sure you realize where you're headed. Put it this way: When the lead singer from Megadeth says he'll vote for you, take it as a sign. I mean, c'mon man! They sang "Prince of Darkness"!

I especially appreciate it when folks like you and the Half-Governor talk about me, because let's face it: We're working the same demographic. I'm after their souls and you're after their campaign cash, but it's the same crowd I've been running with since the dawn of time:

They're the moneylenders who were chased out of the Temple.

They're the Usurers that were condemned three thousand years ago in Babylon.

They're the hypocrites who shout their faith all over the airwaves after the Bible told them to "pray in secret."

They're the liars, the backbiters, the slanderers, the rich men who are no more likely to get to heaven than a camel is to pass through the eye of a needle.

All of them flocked to me after the Competition kicked them out.

The Pope's condemnation of the war in Iraq? You didn't care. Your Church's rejection of the death penalty? Yawn. Its "preferential option for the poor" that demands social and economic justice? You must have been listening to Megadeth with the headphones cranked up when they announced that.

"As you do to the least of these," said the Competition, "so do you do to me." You and your friends don't seem to want to hear that. In fact, you spend most of your time undermining the very teachings you claim to believe in. To which I can only add: Keep up the good work.

If you're as successful as I hope you'll be there's gonna be a whole lot of pestilence, famine, disease, and death around this place. Why, it'll be like the good old days!

Oh fucking swell...

In the same vein:

Screwtape writes again!*

*See The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis.

Your strategy is so brilliant! I likely would not have done better myself! Your counterparts assigned to Gingrich and Romney have even been picking up your lead, causing more division in the ranks of the Republicans as each candidate has to keep pace with the other. Don’t worry about the moderate Republicans who see through your strategy; the confusion and chaos your plan is causing is doing its job just fine.

And, of course, NEVER discourage division within the ranks of the Enemy! If Mr. Santorum want to divide ranks by declaring half or more of the Enemy’s forces are not TRUE followers, then all the better! That means less communication between various parts of the Enemy’s forces and thus less coordination of the Enemy’s forces.

My conclusion is that it's better for the country when Frothy Mixture and the other Repug candidates invoke their imaginary friends as talking points against reality and for what he really thinks.

It's too bad ol' FM ain't gonna be the nominee. We could stomp the fundies back into the muck they rose from once and for all.